The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
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Anyone got advice on how to cope with being cheated on/breakup? Long story short, was in a long distance relationship for 5 months. One in a million type of situation, was in her city on vacation, on last day was browsing geo tagged photos on IG and saw her, slid in her DMs. Surprisingly, she responded by the time I was already home. Got attached to each other right away, 10 hour calls, calling/texting each other as soon as we wake up, working/eating/sleeping 'together', went on a few trips together. 2 months ago she said she was going on vacation with family. Came across pictures from the person she was cheating with from the same location, guess he didn't get the memo. Thought I would just get over it with time, but I'm approaching 3 months mark since it all happened and still feeling the same way as on day 1. Been killing myself at the gym, doesn't seem to help. Tried my best to remove any reminders of her from my life but at this point it's muscle memory to check her socials as soon as I'm on my phone. Tried getting on dating apps, but keep catching myself looking for same features or style in other women. I'm running out of ideas of what to do, my last similar situation was in college and back then this difficult post breakup period happened at the same time as exams, so I just got myself together and focused on studying and by the time it all ended I was over it.
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Throwaway. Disjointed thoughts. Not really sure why I'm posting this here. Dont' really want "advice" as such, just venting mostly. Maybe don't read this.
Trying to deal with a longstanding family divorce-but-not-quite situation. It feels worse for two people who actively hate each other to be staying under the same roof. Problems are cyclical: a temporary reprieve of icy silence for a few months, followed by an intense two-week conflict. (Yes, maybe I should just forget my parents and do my own thing. A sense of obligation nevertheless remains.)
Trying also to figure out what my life looks like, overall. I'm in my early 20's, so I likely have 50 or so years of useful-ish life left to me; but I am disabled (which erodes any sense of agency I attempt to possess) and, in general, I simply do not have anything I dream for. It feels like some sort of learned helplessness: my wanting-machinery has internalized something which I don't know how to put into words, and that has made me just not want any thing at all with particular intensity overall. I have enough skills/intelligence/opportunity to be able to earn well and prosper; but to what end? I don't know.
I also seem to have a high sex drive, which (coupled with the disability and the selfloathing) is a big problem. Disability in particular is a huge epistemic distortion-it's always there, like an invisible monster, questioning if people are expressing what exactly they feel about you, questioning if the positive feedback you get is authentic. anyway, high sex drive coupled with bad at being human is not great. Porn can only get you so far, and I personally dislike it for many reasons (least of which being the fact that it seems to act as a crutch for other mental problems-3 hours of trance, just repeat that...).
I can probably take steps to try fixing these problems. Sleep, food, exercise, talk to a psychologist, find futures which feel reasonable given my circumstances, all of that. But as I put it to a friend earlier-all of that needs some sort of underlying source of will, which I feel like I have run dry of. I don't know how to fix that. I don't know if I can, or if I want to.
All I know is that I am tired and I want to not have existed. (No, not suicidal-but if there were a magic button which could make it so that I had not been born, I'd very likely press it.)
In my not-entirely unrelated experience, the first thing to do with fighting parents is to be very clear what is, and is not, in your control. You cannot have a strong effect on your parents' relationship; you can't make them stop fighting or make them start liking each other. What you can do is behave honourably towards them both and give them both at least one loving family relationship. Focus on making it clear to both that you love them both, and that because you love them you will not be taking sides, betraying confidences, or nodding along while one belittles the other to you.
Secondly, at the risk of being callous and mistaken...
This is pretty much life in your 20s for lots of people. Certainly it describes my early 20s pretty well, and I wasn't disabled at all, just shy and with few good friends. The majority of people don't have huge life goals, they just muddle along doing whatever seems vaguely amusing at the time until they die. Not saying this is a good thing, just that you shouldn't beat yourself up for not being a Steve Jobsian ubermensch and I think that you should think about your disability less. Being human is hard, but that's normal. You're not cursed to misery forever because you're disabled.
I feel the same way, often. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I think that this is more a disease of the body than the mind. Light exercise (the kind that really doesn't take a lot of will, just a walk for an hour outside with an audiobook or equivalent) seems to help a lot. Counterintuitively, I think the flow is exercise -> energy -> will rather than the other way around. Expecting a little bit more from your body will make it squeeze a little bit more out, and that's a positive feedback loop.
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Any advice someone could give you depends on what exact disability you have, any chance you could elaborate? Especially considering this is a throwaway
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What sort of disability? Can you mitigate its consequences through physical therapy or technology?
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Have you tried getting into religion?
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I hate 4chan but I can't stop going on it, like a bad pimple you want to pop or an awful car crash you can't look away from. Can anyone recommend me site add ons or website blocks on phones that aren't easy to circumnavigate once installed?
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I only know one for MacOS: SelfControl.
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What are the chances we could get a setting so the site theme is light/dark based on your iOS system setting? I’ve seen a bunch of other apps/sites that do this.
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Are there any good resources to reference on how to have good straight sex?
I really like this girl, but my previous sexual encounters were three one night stands in undergrad that I remember little from.
We've had sex twice, it's been terrible and it's mostly been me. I really don't know how or what to do tbh. I don't want to admit my complete ignorance and I can tell it's not working for her. In that despite everything else being great, the relationship is going to be over if we can't fix this. Like everything else being so great is why she's been willing to continue this despite the bad sex.
Like I could just let this run it's course and take these lessons to the next relationship or something, but I genuinely really, really, really like this girl and I want to at least reach out for advice of some sort in the off chance some advice can make it not terrible and we can actually possibly make this work.
If you're having trouble with the mechanics, check out amateur threads on /gif/ or some other repository of short clips. That'll let you get a sense of where to put your limbs in each position, potential positions, etc. Not professional porn, of course, since that's done for cameras over comfort. Start with some dry-humping (e.g. her straddling your lap while kissing) so she gets used to moving her hips and you get a sense of how yours should move. Make sure to use your fingers, it should be really easy if you pay attention to what makes her react, or react badly. If she can't be verbal about not liking a move, the pressure, etc... that's a bad sign on her part. Again, start through the panties. Ease into things and let the positive feedback give you confidence - don't jump from any stage too fast (and look up how to find the clitoris/g-spot, it's really simple). Once you've established that rapport between your bodies, it'll carry over into actual sex.
Contra the common advice to make her cum first so the sex doesn't seem so important, don't worry too much. Try, of course! But a lot of women, particularly in these days of SSRIs and general poor health, can't cum from any kind of sex at all. The journey is just as important as the destination. And the best way to make her orgasm from sex once you have some confidence in yourself is again likely (again, not all women) going to be to not care that she does and to do what you want.
And, for god's sake, talk to her, and definitely not in a mopey and self-defeated voice where you blame yourself. That's a fast track to making her blame herself, at which point it's game over. Calm, open, no blame, "I want to learn how to please you."
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She Comes First is not a bad book, but it's mostly about going down. Still very useful.
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One thing that I've found to be very important, that isn't discussed very much, is that one of the most important parts of sex for women is to be desired. Women really want to be desired, to the point that it's often at least as important as physical pleasure. If you worry too much about how you're doing you're not going to be projecting desire of her, you're going to be projecting insecurity.
Women can be perfectly happy with sex ending prematurely (as long as there has been enough foreplay so that it isn't painful) if you clearly and visibly desired her and enjoyed having sex with her.
What I'm trying to say is that one of the most important parts of her enjoying having sex with you is you enjoying to have sex with her.
Lastly, it's really hard to give advice when you're not telling us what's going wrong. Is it painful for her? Do you come prematurely? Is she just bored? What is it that isn't working?
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Take a look at https://start.omgyes.com/join - online videos / courses about different sexual techniques. It's specific, concrete, and actionable.
Never heard of that site before. Sounds interesting but... seems a bit scammy that you can't view any of their content, even a preview, without paying for a the full package (lol) first. Does it avoid the common pitfall of trying to preach a feminist perspective of what sex "should" be like, rather than what women actually want? The way their FAQ starts with their committment to DEI does not exactly fill me with confidence that they're an objective source.
Let me make a comparison: Have you ever tried to look up the details of a recipe online, and then you end up on a recipe website that's hidden the facts you actually need beneath 70 paragraphs of SEO-approved blather, so you're trapped scrolling past this bullshit when all you want to know is how much to butter to use?
The courses on OMGYes get straight to telling you where to put the butter. How much, when, should you warm up the pan first. It's very helpful if you want to, ahem, drill down to questions about speed, pressure, angle, rhythm, and so on.
If I had to use a culture-war shorthand, I'd describe it as grill-pilled with a layer of DEI marketing. The women in the videos are disproportionately black, but none of them lecture you about structural racism.
Pro-tip for dodging this- for a recipe that includes meat, google 'game meat version'- eg 'venison meatloaf' or whatever. You'll find plenty of blogs with an introductory paragraph about how much the writer's husband liked it/it gets their kids to eat their vegetables but usually only one before getting to the recipe+instructions.
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I am not Don Juan or something, but in my experience - not rushing the foreplay and making sure she is more aroused than you at every step leads to acceptable outcomes with most women.
And well... if you can't read her, ask her. When it comes to tongue and fingers - she probably wouldn't mind giving you some clues. For the penetration itself also.
You can ask, but watch out that you don't fall into a trap. bear in mind that (a) she's young, probably doesn't exactly know what she likes (b) might be embarassed to say it and (c) doesn't want to be giving the guy step-by-step instructions during sex. I feel like you just have to intuit that stuff and see what works and what doesn't.
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I know this is probably not actionable for you at this point but this kind of stuff is yet another reason why "wait until you're married for sex" works so much better. When we got married both my wife and I were completely inexperienced (we were both virgins) and we were both terrible at sex. But because we were married and trusted each other, there was nothing hard about admitting ignorance and inexperience and hangups, and now we have had years to get good at making each other happy. I have no clue whether anything I've learned is transferable or not, but I don't have to care because I only have to please one woman, not all of them.
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You are probably making way more of this than what it really is.
How the fuck do you know it's terrible, you've had sex five times in your life.
You have no idea how incompetent the average man is, and you have no idea what kind of experiences she's had before. You might be average for her right now!
There's a million things to be said about romance, setting the mood, foreplay, teasing, edging, games, rope, a well placed hand around the throat, a well timed slap, role playing, group sex, positions both normal and wild, surprises, blindfolds, dirty talk.
But, before you worry about any of that, back to the fundamentals: are you touching her clitoris? And are you asking her if that's how she likes to have her clitoris touched?
There's no shame to be had in such a question, it no more reveals your ignorance than asking what the controls are when playing a new game. Individual women are different, wildly different. One needs intense stimulation, another gentle and slow, a third wants it bitten. One wants it fast and hard, another gentle, a third will only cum if you act like you hate her. Men are mostly pretty much the same, the penis doesn't have a lot of variation in its uses or its needs. Women vary. Knowledgable women know they vary, and thus have experience in guiding new partners.
Don't be afraid to need guidance on this from her, if she has enough experience to know you don't know what you're doing than she's run into this before; if she doesn't have enough experience to know you suck than it doesn't matter anyway. Any shame on this topic is coming entirely from within your own head, fake it until you make it. "Do you like that?" or "Does that feel good?" can easily be the building blocks of good dirty talk anyway. It's all in the framing. Make it seem like something hot you're doing and it will be something hot you're doing.
Start there: figure out how she likes to have her clit played with, play with it. Don't start worrying about anything more complex or involved or acrobatic until you've figure out the combination to that particular safe. Everything else will start falling into place after that: go down on her as foreplay, get an orgasm on the scoreboard, and suddenly PiV won't feel like it needs to be the main event of the evening, you'll be able to enjoy that for yourself rather than trying to please her. Take the pressure off your penis, and you'll often find you get and stay harder lasting longer, having more fun. Start to get a few good games on your record and you'll get braver, more confident, and you'll get better. Get better and you'll feel more confident swapping fantasies, pleasures, desires, and you'll learn more about your lover and try more, and get better, and so on and so forth ad infinitum.
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From her perspective, how load-bearing for the relationship is "you just magically know how to X properly without asking", and how do you know that? (And I get that it isn't particularly manly to need to ask that; but how manly do you believe this relationship requires you to be?)
Is this "the encounter ends with her laughing her ass off", "the encounter ends with one or both parties injured", or something different?
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We hear a lot from people who are romantically struggling. I don't want to belittle that experience, which I know can be incredibly painful and lonely.
But it would be good to hear from people who are satisfied with their romantic life for a change. Are there any Mottezians with happy love lives who want to share their experience?
Also congratulations to @2rafa on the engagement and @Gaashk on the new baby.
I've been married ~10 years, am in my mid 30s, and have a bunch of kids. I'd say our marriage is very happy, to the point where I think we've only met 1-2 couples that seems to get a long as well as we do (though you never know, could be more or less). This is what I think has made it work so far:
Don't stay mad, and don't let your husband/wife stay mad. Hash out whatever the issue is at the earliest possible time you two can get undivided alone time
Be attractive, don't be unattractive. I stay in good shape and dress well, and I give her all the opportunities she needs to do the same. You don't want your favorite person in the world to be married to someone who looks like they don't respect themselves?
Don't forget to be wife's boyfriend/husband's girlfriend sometimes, ideally at least once a week or so (this is doubly important if you have kids!). Otherwise you risk slipping into full-time buddy/parental unit mode.
Have sex (shinzo.png) often. It bonds you together and makes you kinder and more forgiving with each other.
Laugh at yourself and each other once a day. Adult life is grueling, but it doesn't have to be all serious all the time. Tickle him. Smack her on the butt. Make a dirty joke about last night over morning coffee.
Be generous with each other. Say sorry while she's still mad. Don't raise your voice when you remind him that he didn't do that thing he said he was going to do, yet again. Do a chore she hates. Go join him in one of his boring hobbies with an open mind. Ask her what's she's reading and listen with as much interest as you can muster to the plot of the literary fiction novel she's reading.
Say thank you to each other ALL THE TIME. My wife actually taught me this one. She would thank for doing tiny things through the day ("Thanks for getting me water." "Thanks for helping me carry that." "Thanks for taking my plate to the counter.") Initially I thought this was weird. My friends and family don't do that, we might say it for big stuff, "thanks for cooking dinner today," or "thanks for helping me move out of my apartment." But saying thanks for little things helps us avoid taking each other for granted. It feels weird at first, but it works!
Be traditionally masculine/feminine. We've gone from "suit-wearing career woman" and "skinny babyfaced hipster boy" to "handcrafting, home cooking trad mom" and "physically fit career dad." Hate to say it, but It Just Works™. My wife is better at running the household than me (a complex task with four small children of different ages) and taking care of the littlest ones, and I'm better at balancing work/life stress, chasing income potential, and dealing with the outside world.
I can probably do more if anyone cares and has specific questions.
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Two healthy sons, my wife and I have our 20th anniversary in a few months. We're probably not perfect but we're absolutely fantastic when I compare us to many of the couples around us and back home. I am both resigned to permanent solitude and almost never actually lonely, but I probably have idiosyncratic definitions for both terms. I agree with those who've posted earlier on their respective strategies. Also I agree with the old saw that the secret to staying married is relatively straightforward: Don't get divorced.
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I've been married for a few years and everything is great. Definitely think lifelong marriage is the right structure for romance. Only snarl right now is that we've been unsuccessfully trying for kids for nearly a year now, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.
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Catholic, married twelve years, five kids (one of whom has significant special needs, I typed up a long post about him on DSL). I don't know what experiences you'd want to hear about, but the most useful approach I've learned over the years is this: you need to re-frame every problem as something external to the relationship and view your spouse as a teammate in fixing the problem. Do this even if the problem seems to be your spouse.
On a related note, at a certain point the relationship needs to become more important than your individual success or happiness. This works great in a Catholic marriage where divorce is explicitly off the table; not nearly as actionable in other contexts.
Make sacrifices, and make them generously.
Christian marriage in general, although a lot of people in other denominations seem to either ignore this or just never learned it. My wife and I haven't had our marriage convalidated because she has a problem signing a thing saying marriage is for life. And she's a Christian! I have tried pointing out to her that the prohibition on divorce was directly said by Jesus, and that this isn't a Catholic thing. But she just doesn't seem to want to accept it, IDK why.
It's kind of sad because it means I can't get any of the sacraments, but what can you do. At the end of the day, I still took a vow before God (we had a Christian ceremony, just not Catholic) and I intend to uphold it. A lot of people online will say stuff like "you don't have a valid marriage so leave", but that isn't on the table. Even if it means I can never get absolution at confession or participate in communion again, I'm still going to stand by her forever. I just hope she comes around someday.
Have you inquired into a radical sanation?
That kind of rules-lawyering makes me furious. This shows the downside about having a lot of explicit rules, people think that the explicit rules in canon law or the catechism matter more than basic moral law of keeping sacred vows.
No, I was actually unaware that existed. I probably won't go for it yet, but in time maybe. For right now I think that I agree with what the priest at my parish has told me: trust the Lord, if he wants us to have our marriage blessed by the Catholic church he'll lead my wife in the right direction in due time.
Yeah, I know. I think it's silly too, but that's humans for you I guess.
I'm not familiar with the canon law nor am I at this time a practicing Catholic, but from glancing online the radical sanation path might make a lot of sense.
You know much more about your wife's concerns than I do. But speaking as someone from a protestant background -- any sort of formal submission to Catholic authority, even on a matter about which there is agreement, can be very, very scary. I mean, I hope you and your wife both meant your vows to be for life, considering foreseeable possibilities, in accordance with the divine teaching. Do you think she's more concerned about signing a document that says she's signing on to Catholic teaching, or more concerned about making a pledge that she interprets as closing her off from a divorce should you do something radical, which of course you would never do, like have an affair?
I definitely think it's more the latter. She has no intention of just giving up on our marriage lightly, but she also doesn't want to sign a pledge saying she isn't going to divorce me because of extreme cases like what you mentioned. Infidelity, abuse, etc.
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This is interesting, I have never heard of this before. You had a Christian marriage in a protestant church, and thus consider yourself to be living in serious, unrepentant sin - baring you from receiving any sacraments? I thought the church has accepted protestant marriages as sacramental since Vatican II?
The term is 'valid natural marriage'- the church accepts that it's a valid marriage but considers it a serious sin that it hasn't been performed, sacramentally, by the church.
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I don't consider myself to be living in sin. But unfortunately, the church does. My parents were Catholic, baptized my siblings and me, etc. But they chose to leave the Catholic church when I was in 5th or 6th grade, and I spent the rest of my childhood growing up Protestant. As an adult (years after I was married), I decided to go back to the Catholic church, and have been told I need to get my marriage convalidated by the church.
My understanding is that the Catholic church does consider Protestant marriages valid for converts. But because I was baptized (and got first communion), they consider me to have been Catholic the whole time and not a convert. Even though I myself would have said I wasn't Catholic (and I didn't choose to leave the church, my parents did), it means that I have to go through the same steps as someone who was a part of the Church and chose to get married outside it. It's a bit frustrating to be honest, but not much I can do. Anyways, because (according to the Church) I'm living in sin, that means no sacraments until that gets resolved (or unless I commit to living with my wife without any sex).
The "Catholics need to marry in the Church, otherwise the marriage is invalid rule" was put in place to combat couples making private vows and then one partner leaving the other high and dry... 400 years ago. The rules really should have changed by now, people's situations are so different now. But the Church is slow to change.
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I'm married (for almost 7 years now) and very happy. My wife and I have a good balance - we enjoy hanging out, but are happy to give each other space too. We have very similar values, and we also have enough respect for each other to not make it a big deal when we do disagree on politics or whatever. We have great sex, although our respective sex drives aren't always in sync. Honestly I feel like our relationship is exactly what marriage should look like, and I'm very happy in it.
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Woah @2rafa got engaged? Congrats!
Also congrats @Gaashk on babby
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How do the mottizens buy garments for rainy climates? I'm considering a vacation to a place with a good amount of rain at that time of the year, but it won't be cold.
I haven't used a real "raincoat" in years, preferring to bring an umbrella when necessary. But I'm wondering what my options are for looking alright and being pretty much rainproof without an umbrella. I have seen some people use those see-through things on top of a not-rainproof jacket. Is that a good option?
Suggest finding out what the locals typically do, and copy that. (probably easier to buy when you get there, if you don't already own gear)
I'm from a rainy city in the Pacific Northwest where people wear their $800 Arc'teryx as fashion. Umbrellas still see play, but if you're walking around with one and not also a rain jacket, you mark yourself as "that kind of person" (not that there's anything wrong with that!).
Biggest thing with jackets, I find, is the hood design. Almost any rain jacket will keep you dry long enough for your commute. Not every rain jacket will keep rain off your face comfortably. A lot of them are designed to fit over large helmets, accommodate ski goggles, etc. etc. You probably don't want all these tradeoffs. You want something with a long brim, zips up past your chin, covers enough side-angle, and doesn't look ridiculous when cinched to fit.
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After owning many expensive and high tech raincoats, I've concluded they are a scam. Waterproof + breatheable is simply a contradiction in terms, no matter how much fancy GoreTex you use in the construction. Better coats will last a bit longer before soaking through, but they all soak through eventually. Better coats will let your sweat out a bit better, for a bit longer, before becoming saturated and soaking you in your sweat. The single most important factor is how many vents the jacket has, and how well they work. There seems to be little correlation between price and vent quality.
If you dont want to get wet, bring an umbrella. If you dont want to get wet from rain, but dont mind getting sweaty, then a poncho or trash bag works great, as do cheap non-breatheable waterproof jackets that are basically just a solid plastic shell (like the traditional bright yellow ones).
That's the impression I'm getting.
Think I'll stick to umbrella for city locales, and some kind of shell for hiking.
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In case anyone want's to really nerd out about waterproof-breatheable membranes.
Classic GoreTex™ was expanded polytetrafluoroethylene (ePTFE). It's probably more correct to say that it is waterproof OR breatheable, and this trade off is tunable. When it is dry out there can be enough of a gradient to drive some sweat through the membrane, but if the humidity is greater on the outside of the membrane (because it's raining) the gradient is usually in the other direction. The patent for ePTFE ran out some time ago, but most membranes in that style are now expanded polyethylen or polyurethane. I think, but have not seen lab data, that the performance is actually worse, but presumably the manufactures are concerned ePTFE will get designated a polyfluorinated compound of environmental concern.
That brings up the topic of durable water repellent coatings. If you expect some rain, but not extreme cold or sustained rain a "wind-shell" with a DWR coating may be enough, and will breath better. Additionally, membrane based jackets typically require a DWR coated shell for durability and to help mitigate the reverse gradient problem above. In terms of performance fluorinated DWR very likely outperforms alternatives, but are being phased out due to environmental and health concerns and the associated reputational and liability risks.
If you (1) are in the US, (2) don't care about durability and (3) don't mind looking goofy, a set of frogg toggs ulra-lite2 rain suit or poncho is a pretty effective alternative to those $1 plastic ponchos you see people wearing at various tourists traps. They do tear easily but pack down supper small, are relatively cheap in absolute terms, and breath better than a trash bag. If there is a risk of it dropping below 60°F and it raining I would pack at least that. It is possible to go hypothermic in 50°F weather if you can't move around and are wet.
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Depends. In the city, I always prefer an umbrella to a raincoat. I’ve tried some expensive brands, but even with the most “breathable” fabric a raincoat is always going to heat you up and be sweaty unless it’s truly cold outside and you aren’t moving (if you’re hiking, you’ll get hot even if it’s snowing in many raincoats, although I imagine Antarctica or whatever is in another category entirely).
If you’re hiking or outside for long periods somewhere that’s warmer than about 65f/20c, I’d accept getting rained on, get a waterproof rain hat for your eyes and deal with whatever intermittent rain you have. Honestly that’s what I’d do even if it was only 60 degrees if it was very humid. Unless you have extreme sensory issues rain isn’t too unpleasant when it’s warm, especially if you’re on vacation and not wearing a suit or something you’re trying to keep dry.
Colder than that in the 30-60 range (that’s what, maybe 0-17c?) you’ll want the lightest possible shell raincoat you can find, something you can very quickly fold away and take back out, where the water will run right off and which you can wear on top of a sweater or light outerwear of some other kind.
Yup. I'll go for umbrella for city + shell for hiking. Thanks for the reply.
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This again depends on the type of rain we're talking about, and of course wind. 65F, windy and soaked to the bone is unpleasant no matter how good your rain hat is.
This is true, but there's still a huge difference between wearing a GoreTex membrane with open ventilation zippers and an oilskin raincoat / plastic tarp cover. If you're wearing it for days, several hours each, I would spend the money.
Personally, my choice is always an extremely compact umbrella, and a un-insulated GoreTex jacket that folds down very small, which I only put on when I need my hands free or the wind picks up.
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This is pretty much my approach as well. I'll addend that if it's both slightly chilly and rainy, and I'm running for a decent amount of time, I'll shift over to accepting that I'll get wet and wearing a wool/tech baselayer that still keeps me warm in the rain. I skip the shell because you just get gross and hot inside it if you're putting in much effort. My favorite gear for this is Icebreaker merino wool, but it's pretty expensive.
If I was doing something like hiking in an Irish winter, I would definitely make sure to bring those wool baselayers.
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