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PaperclipPerfector  14d ago (text post)   2461 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for February 7, 2025

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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  • Small weapon and small shield

  • Small weapon

  • Two small weapons

  • Big weapon

  • Small shield*

  • Two small shields*

  • Big shield*

Which do you find the coolest to look at? Which do you find the most fun to use in games?

IMO, "small weapon and small shield" is coolest, but "big weapon" has ended up being the most fun to use in the action-focused video games that I've played (e. g., Dark Souls 2, Nioh 1, and Gundam Breaker 4).

*Among video games, those in the Dark Souls series are the only ones of which I am aware in which these setups are semi-viable (not counting Captain America–style shield throwing). Among tabletop RPGs, GURPS provides a fair amount of detail for shield users (1 2 (a b)).

Greatsword.

Also, you forgot the big + small combo. Or maybe it’s small + tiny? Rapier + parrying dagger, katana + wakizashi, saw cleaver + pistol. Fromsoft knows what’s up.

In no order: longsword; giant fuck-off hammer; polearm; gun/small sword; rapier/cloak. Seriously, give me more cloak fighting. Give me a game where I play a matador, but taking down horrendous beasts rather than a tortured animal.

rapier/cloak. Seriously, give me more cloak fighting.

Thanks, I didn't know I needed this. Gonna steal this for character designs.

GURPS has support for cloak fighting.

wrench

I was expecting a link to this. "I'm gonna kick some ass with my own pipe wrench..."

  1. Polearms (e.g., most depictions of Guan Yu or Wu Kong): I just find spinning/twirling moves aesthetically pleasing
  2. Dual-wielding small weapons (e.g., Chaos Blades Kratos or Talim): usually involves fun acrobatics, bonus style points for reverse grips
  3. Weapon + Shield (e.g., Link from Zelda): a bit too generic for my taste, doesn't feel like there's a lot of room to get creative
  4. Heavy weapon (e.g., two-handed axe or claymore): usually slow and cumbersome, rarely cinematic
  5. Shields without weapons: aside from Captain America, I've just never seen this in media

For sheer coolness, dual wielding wins. For what I find fun to play in games, any of the small weapon options are fine. Big weapons are too slow and hard to hit with, whereas with small weapons I can just button mash and connect often enough. "Skill issue" wouldn't be an unreasonable take, but skill issue or not I just don't have fun with big weapons.

Small weapon, small weapon and small shield and big weapon all appeal to me.

Small weapon alone is cool in the same way, for instance, John Wick killing 100 guys in a night club with one pistol is cool. It's a marker of extreme competence that the wielder doesn't feel like he needs to fill his hands to reliably get the job done.

Small weapon and small shield allows flexibility, I like it in video games, my first instinct when I start playing a Souls game or a game like it is to go mace and shield. I do hate the sword and shield in Monster Hunter though, but that's probably because Monster Hunter weapons are not necessarily about what the physical weapon instinctively indicate their gameplay would be like.

Big weapon is cool to me only provided the weapon is a spear/polearm. Giant stupid swords (I mean FFVII here, not historical two handed swords) is strictly for cringe edgelording. That said, in MH I main either horn or hammer, so apparently I can get over impractically large weapons.

Two small weapons is for cringe edgelording as well.

I played a lot of mount and blade. It's made me too practical minded.

Small weapon and shield for storming castles. You don't want the swings getting stopped in the scrum, and you need something for taking arrows.

On horseback: a shield on the back with a two handed weapon for weak enemies. Or a lance and shield for strong enemies. Bow and arrow for weakening enemies or killing peasants.

On foot in a field shield and medium weapon.

In media almost anything can be made to look cool. Though I have yet to see properly cool depictions of slings, halberds, and crossbows.

I seem to remember Chivalry having terrifying polearms. Or maybe I was just bad. But I suppose the dragging shenanigans made everything look pretty goofy.

The coolest crossbows are handgun-style, like Dishonored.

I have yet to see properly cool depictions of halberds

The weapons called "spears" in Nioh are wielded more like halberds (or at least glaives/naginatas). They have a few cool combos.

Though I have yet to see properly cool depictions of slings,

Uhhh

I just haven't seen the David and Goliath movie where he looks really badass with the sling (does it exist). I'm aware of the story.

The key word I used was "see".

You must have seen the statue though.

Small weapon, two small weapons, and one big weapon all tie for coolest to me. Any amount of shields automatically reduces coolness due to the implication that the warrior can't just dodge every attack. However, the small shield, two small shields and one big shield probably tie for 2nd, due to the implication that the warrior doesn't even need a proper offensive weapon to defeat his enemies.

In my books parrying is cooler than dodging because it's typically tighter timing and a greater level of counterplay.

That's definitely true, which I forgot to mention in my previous comment. Parrying with a slender offensive weapon like a sword, in such a way as not to damage the blade, is cooler than parrying with a large defensive tool like a shield. Somewhat similar to how having a sword a shield is less cool than just having a shield for both defense and offense.

I'm a longsword/Zweihander or halberd fanboy. The latter, like all polearms, is grossly underrepresented in media such as video games or movies. How often do you see a protagonist using a pike or halberd instead of a sword?

This assumes a degree of significant personal protection with armor. If that was lacking, I'd definitely opt for a shield.

Sadly most representations of combat utterly gloss over how effective even basic armor was, a medieval knight was a tank that was almost immune to sharp damage while not tired, and only really countered with blunt force trauma.

I have some impression that glaives and halberds are much more common in Chinese fantasy. No idea if that’s true, or if so, why.

More common? I believe so.

Even then, I've heard plenty of people who read Xianxia complaining about how all the MCs end up obsessing with the Sword Dao. The problem is almost as bad, halberds/guandaos get very little screen time.

How often do you see a protagonist using a pike or halberd instead of a sword?

How often do you see modern-era action films in which the protagonist lugs around a 40mm Bofors instead of a rifle? Pikes are extremely cumbersome to carry around, and not very effective in single combat compared to a half-length spear. And let me repeat, extremely cumbersome to carry around. Pikes are upwards of three meters long. You don't just bring those on a jaunty adventure or to similarly protagonisty activities. If you go marching with a pike, then that's all you do.

Sadly most representations of combat utterly gloss over how effective even basic armor was, a medieval knight was a tank that was almost immune to sharp damage while not tired, and only really countered with blunt force trauma.

This has always bothered me. Aragorn was cutting down orcs like they were naked even when they wearing heavy plate.

Some media gets it right. There are two duels in the King that get it right. And "A Knight's Tale" which is silly in many ways also managed to get armor correct.

Aragorn's a bad example here because he has a magic sword. From the fight in Moria:

...Andúril came down upon his helm. There was a flash like flame and the helm burst asunder. The orc fell with cloven head.

It also shines with white fire whenever Aragorn is doing something cool later in the story. I wish that had made it into the movies.

I thought maybe that was the case that he had a magic sword. But it also happens in reverse where the orcs cut down the men defending the white city. And again the guys have plate.

Their arrows also have remarkable penetration.

Love that blog, I think I've read that post before but went ahead and read it again anyways.

Yeah, that's a movie/hollywood convention. Nothing to do with the books.

Shields in first person games are not fun because they block your vision and you can't tell where your body is. Shields in third person games are not fun because you don't have a lot of control over where the shield goes. In some games, shield blocks are based off of timing, but in most, you just hold a button to be invincible from the front. It's boring to play with and frustrating to play against.

Two handed sword for me

Two different small weapons is probably the coolest-looking, but small shield + big/small weapon is the most satisfying to play.

Since in better days I did a lot of longsword HEMA, Big Sword, obviously. I also appreciate Small Weapon, if only for the fact that this is probably the way that most armed fights ever have taken place.

Everything else is situational - and having a shield with nothing else, or heaven forbid two shields, is just ridiculous.

In games...also Big Sword. I intensely dislike games that drag fights out and simply make it a test of your patience. Big Sword tends to make things go over a little faster, with fewer clicks.

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