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PaperclipPerfector  5mo ago (text post)   2022 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for November 13, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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This is mainly a vent.

I find myself withdrawing from 'trying' with women, socially. I used to attempt to strike up friendly conversations with with people in general, but naturally with an emphasis on not-unattractive women. Not in a particularly flirty way, either.

And I find myself constantly disappointed that they keep finding a way to get in a reddit-y snark along the lines of "Men, Amirite?" I try to be non-argumentative in this context, but I increasingly have the urge to go meta-therapist and say something like "I feel like there's a lot of implicit hostility in that statement. I have my own frustrations with, you know, girls and stuff, but I'd consider it rude and a bad look to bring it up in conversation with a stranger. Are you trying to hint I should go away, or do you just think this is how people talk in #currentyear? Because I really can't tell anymore."

I used to attempt to strike up friendly conversations with with people in general, but naturally with an emphasis on not-unattractive women. Not in a particularly flirty way, either.

Do the opposite, start with flirty stuff around hot girls. Girl issues are normal and I sense that the girls you talk to can sense that you want to flirt but are on the fence. Also if you want to go home with girls you meet, never go away unless its fiarly obvious, no need to be creepy but getting a strong rejection once or twice is not bad at all.

Please write more about your issues. I was terrible with girls, somewhat better now.

No, openly flirting gets you a lecture about straight guys always assuming they're not queer, or rates of sexual assault, and engaging with a "Men, Amirite?" quip with anything other than soy appeasement immediately labels you as an anti-feminist chud trump-voting something-or-other, with a possible reference to internet bogeymen from 2016.

Do you have an example conversation here? If the women are literally saying "men amirite" in response to any kinda normal conversation starter, it does seem like a weird crowd.

It's possible that I'm just unlucky enough to live adjacent to the art/punk/hipster neighborhood of a major metro area. It has the most pronouns and trannies per capita in the entire midwest. I also move in geek/gamer circles, and like short haircuts.

And I find myself constantly disappointed that they keep finding a way to get in a reddit-y snark along the lines of "Men, Amirite?" I try to be non-argumentative in this context, but I increasingly have the urge to go meta-therapist and say something like "I feel like there's a lot of implicit hostility in that statement.

That is your problem. The correct tactic is to double down/be provocative. The same way if a woman meets your gaze while you look at her deep deep cleavage, you shouldn't turn eyes away but smile.

yes, she knows whats up, you know whats up and you hiding it is a complete turn off. You dont have to explicitly verbally agree to stuff but your subcomms and intent should.

A while back a girl asked me if I fancied her, I gave a non answer and was hesitant, trying to act cool which I should not have.

I don't encounter this as much as I might in an English-only environment (though I am sometimes in those), but I find and have always found that a sense of humor works wonders. Even if you don't change anyone's mind, at least you've made someone laugh (even if that someone is only yourself.) I can't script your situations obviously so this advice may be useless to you, but generally I wouldn't take such jibes particularly personally. There's a whole ethos taking this kind of I'm With Stupid (and stupid is Men) as some kind of norm, but also women may have been through any number of situations that may have embittered them or otherwise turned them shrewish. Take the high (and humorous) road if possible.

I'm familiar with women who've suffered particularly negative experiences with men, up to and including sexual assault. I've dated several of them. The ones who've been through actual bad times don't go "Men, Amirite?" or talk about patriarchy and male privilege and the scourge that is straight white men. They have pain and ways of expressing it that are very specific to them, not a generic snark that sounds like it came from a 2015 BuzzFeed article.

Is this an effort to trump my response? Or to take the discussion to a place where humor has no foothold (i.e. bringing up assault etc?) You're learning loads.

The best response if you come across this is to smile warmly and exit the conversation.

Eventually you will find girls that don't try to test if you are willing to humiliate yourself for the chance to spend time with them. They're more common than you'd think.

I used to try all sorts of 'flip the script' nonsense during my PUA days, but now I find I just can't stomach spending time around women with attitudes. Luckily I found that the sooner you jettison these people from your life, the better you feel.

Flip the script

Is that from mystery method or what?

You can just avoid shit tests entirely, the new meta so to speak by guys like fastlife is to avoid shit tests altogether. Also you are right about not wanting such girls around though the advice to leave is not good. If you wish to spend the night with the girl and her remarks are not completely crazy in a serious way then you should burn the set to the ground, at least then you would know more about what your own standards with this stuff is and if your own approach had issues.

op mentioned how he would talk to unattratcive girls without the intention to flirt, that cant be helpful unless you are simply building state.

Talking to people without the intention of banging them is a completely normal and healthy behaviour. Even for lotharios who wish to cultivate their attractiveness, talking to unattractive women purely to socialise is something to be encouraged. As is talking to men, old ladies, children etc etc.

Talking to women who are recalcitrant, while still giving some experience, is in the end a waste of time. Worse, it can burn a guy out from enjoying time around women which is the worst thing you could ever do as a single man. Just don't. Eject. Go find someone with a warm attitude.

Have you tried going "women amirite"? In a joking tone, of course.

I believe the accepted phrase is "Women! Can't live with em..."

<awkward silence>

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