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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   2088 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for October 16, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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Are there any strategies for controlling/reducing anger that actually work?

For me, redirecting my anger towards work helps tremendously. It works so good in fact that I sometimes deliberately make myself angry just to get something done.

Reminds me of a friend who wanted to get slapped in the face before every HEMA tournament fight.

Instrumental rationality. Think about the goal you are trying to achieve and then think about if a display of anger will help or hinder your progress toward that goal. Then think about the best way to achieve your goal and work on doing that action. It is redirecting the anger to a productive use and re-engaging the rational part of your brain.

One small caveat is that sometimes a controlled performative display of anger may be appropriate.

HPMOR chapter 19 may help you internalize this lesson:

What you demonstrated today, Mr. Potter, is that - unlike those animals who keep their claws sheathed and accept the results - you do not know how to lose a dominance contest. When a Hogwarts professor challenged you, you did not back down. When it looked like you might lose, you unsheathed your claws, heedless of the danger. You escalated, and then you escalated again. It started with a slap at you from Professor Snape, who was obviously dominant over you. Instead of losing, you slapped back and lost ten points from Ravenclaw. Soon you were talking about leaving Hogwarts....

...The next time, Mr. Potter, that you choose to escalate a contest rather than lose, you may lose all the stakes you place on the table. I cannot guess what they were today. I can guess that they were far, far too high for the loss of ten House points

Then Harry realizes:

I would have taken the slap, waited, and picked the best possible time to make my move...

I could never get into HPMOR. I've tried several times, but the author always gets caught in their own intellectual obsessions and forgets about characterization, the plot, and generally seems like an autist overanalyzing every situation. It reads like bad Frank Herbert, or a particularly bad Ender's Game with a need to articulate every thought an analysis of every situation.

I find that my anger is often very physiological. My heart rate is elevated, I'm pumping more adrenaline, by blood sugar is low from hunger, etc.

It helps me a lot to address the physical aspects of anger. Slow down my breathing to control my heart rate. Take a little walk like I'm warming down from exercise. Or just have a snack.

Even if it doesn't get at the underlying cause of my anger I'm at least a little better off at thinking logically and dealing with the problem.

yes, many such cases. But they are not scalable or have downsides. Smoking is calming ...but lung cancer.

Zyns work pretty well too, with almost zero downside. Nothing quite like sitting down and having a think & a smoke though.

Working out until exhausted.
Getting laid.
Going on a hike or chilling by the water.
Venting to friends and family.
Martial arts sparring.
Alcohol, sometimes. But really not a good road to go down.

Key is to put your mind and body in a different context so that you see the thing that angers you from a different perspective and realize that there's more to life than that.

t. coping with seething about work for months now

Alcohol, sometimes. But really not a good road to go down.

No kidding, even aside from health issues. Some people get much more angry when drunk. The chance of curing a minor anger problem that's at the "asking for advice on the internet" stage isn't worth the chance of turning it into a major anger problem that might reach the "asking for advice from the defense attorney" stage.

I like that you put "working out until exhausted" at the top. Even just "working out until calm" is good. Either way you still only have a chance of curing the problem long-term, but now the worst case scenario is that whenever you get a needlessly elevated heart rate you make it needful and improve your health.

Are we talking impulsive immediate anger or the slowburn, constant anger of the jaded?

For 1, counting to (insert number) before reacting is homespun, but works. Increase the number as needed.

For 2, you got me. Finding humor in situations seems to help, but real laughter is a balm for the soul, if you can manage it.

Something up?

Loving your anger and accepting it, letting it flow through you. Check out https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/

Venting it works in the short term, but might actually make it build up faster in the future. Not sure about the mechanism, but I recall reading about these dynamics and it largely matches what I anecdotally observe.

I sometimes succeed at channelling it into productive energy, though mysteriously tools seem to be break with unsual frequency in such phases.

Just walking away and cooling off...doesn't really work for me. Not in the long run, anyways.

Ultimately I suppose it's best to remove the cause of the anger from your life.

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