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I didn't follow the story myself, I only know how it was reported second-hand on Twitter, but my understanding is that Darone:
(1) Simulated being "pregnant" in a group for pregnant and lactating women. (2) When her "'pregnancy" was supposed to come to term, roleplayed having a miscarriage, simulating her supposed grief at not having a child, and expected the women in the group to support her the way they would for someone who had actually had a miscarriage. (3) When some women (including some who had actually had miscarriages) objected to this, they were kicked out of the group.
I don't think anyone is demanding you be mad about it. But if you find nothing unobjectionable in this behavior, I question your "confusion."
I think what Darone did was weird but as long as she was up front about it and other group members seem broadly ok with it then I don't see the issue. As to (3) I would be interested in seeing the objections. I can imagine them taking forms for which I would have a problem with their being kicked out and forms for which I would think it was fine.
Maybe the offensiveness of what Darone did becomes more obvious if you remove the trans issue from the topic.
Imagine you have a support group for parents whose children have a terminal form of cancer. These really exist and are important to the people involved. One day a member posts a sad story about how his kid has died recently, obviously getting lots of expressions of support and sympathy from the group, because that's what support groups do. Then later it turns out that his kid is alive and well, wasn't even sick, or maybe doesn't even exist.
Could you then imagine some of the people who were in the process of actually losing their children to cancer would find the behavior of the imposter deeply offensive? Wouldn't it be more than a little “weird” if the group administrators responded to the controversy by kicking out the offended parents with actual dying children (i.e. the target demographic of the group!), to kowtow to an imposter that wants sympathy for his imaginary grief?
And I know you might say: well, maybe the imposter cannot help it! Münchhausen syndrome is a thing! Let's be empathic and inclusive! But even if I agree that Münchhausen syndrome is real and that people with this condition deserve help, it's not clear that that help must come in the form of being admitted to a support group they do not qualify for. I think it's reasonable to keep the support group for actual parents of actual dying children, and give the imposter support in the form of psychiatric treatment separately.
Similarly, I cannot understand why a group specifically for pregnant women would prioritize the needs of a male imposter over the safety and comfort of actual pregnant women in the group.
Note that none of this depends on proving that the male acts out of malice or indulging a sexual fetish. It's perfectly plausible that some transwomen are legitimately sad that they can never become pregnant, and perhaps they need support to deal with that grief, and maybe that support involves LARPing out a miscarriage, but that still doesn't imply they should be entitled to join support groups for pregnant women, on the simple basis that they are not, and never will be, pregnant women.
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I think the group members that did the kicking-out accepted the behaviour, because they believed in a moral obligation to do so. In an emotional/personal preference sense, I dont think they were ok with it.
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If they said "Speaking as a woman who has actually had a miscarriage and found the experience intensely traumatic, your predilection for roleplaying as someone who has experienced a miscarriage in order to fulfil a perverse sexual fantasy is shockingly tasteless and disgusting, and has no place in a space like this - take it to a fetish site"?
I find it pretty hard to imagine any other "form" the objection might take.
I would probably remove such a person, if I intended my group to be trans-friendly. Though I am inclined to extend some grace to someone dealing with that kind of trauma.
I find it very disconcerting that the line between "trans-friendly policies" and "policies which enable perverts to roleplay their creepy fantasies to their heart's content" is so razor-thin, if not indeed nonexistent. I mean, you say that what Darone did was "weird" - do you dispute that he was doing it to fulfil a sexual fantasy?
Yes. I am very skeptical Darone experienced sexual arousal as part of their role play.
Like, seriously, please try to read this story (and the screenshots) with an open mind, without letting the positive associations the word "trans" holds for you blinding you to the information being presented in black and white. Truly - what part of this story doesn't sound like the behaviour of a deranged fetishist?
https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/princess-mom
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What other possible motivation might Darone have had to behave like this? Does the fact that something like 75%+ of trans woman are autogynephiles (source, source) sway your opinion one way or the other?
Yeah I can't figure that out either. If he was literally psychotic and believed he was having a baby then I could understand (although I would be revolted by every medical professional he'd been in contact with prior) but if he said he was trans and this was all make believe, well what kind of person goes around using threats (spoken or implied) to force others to participate in their role playing? Sexual gratification is the least bad option I can think of tbh.
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And if they said "you're not a woman and this is in bad taste"?
I could go either way. I see how it can be in bad taste but I also see why a trans positive space wouldn't permit members to misgender people.
Why on earth does a group for mothers discussing the biological parts of pregnancy and early childhood need to be trans friendly? If a transwoman requests a hysterectomy they should be sent to a psychiatrist, not an obstetric surgeon.
Some trans fantasias are so blatantly retarded that humoring them seems a bit insulting to everyone involved, including the trans"women" themselves.
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Why should a lactation support group be "trans positive" in the sense that they can't tell a trans woman that she cannot lactate or miscarry?
Trans woman (and cis men) can lactate, though. I think if people want a group that didn't allow people like Darone they should be free to start one. Not every group has to have to the same rules about posts.
Men can lactate if they have unusual medical conditions, or are pumped full of hormones, and even then they cannot really "breastfeed" except in a sort of performative manner.
I mean, come on, most women don't join a lactation support group thinking they need to specificy that it's for women who lactate. Additionally, when a group does try to specify that it's for women only, it tends to get attacked and deplatformed. In a significant sense they are not free to start a group that would explicitly exclude someone like Darone. If they did, you would probably say they deserve to be pilloried for being transphobic.
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