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PaperclipPerfector  1d ago (text post)   1154 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for September 27, 2024

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce I have finally found a decent pizza place near me. I have no earthly idea why, but this has been a remarkable weight off my mind.

I have finally found a decent pizza place near me.

Keep your voice down. David Portnoy might hear you.

For various reasons I make our pizzas, and with some success. The usual pepperoni/Italian sausage (a facsimile I also make) but also a chicken ranch (half spicy, half not), a Mexican, once a cheeseburger pizza, and the meatless margherita.

Once you have a dough recipe and figure out your oven, the rest is fairly straightforward.

It's hard to do a good Neapolitan style pizza in a home oven.

Yes, but Sicilian/pan pizzas are very easy at home with no specialist equipment

I enjoy making my own, and it’s always a great hour with the kids rolling out their base and painstakingly preparing toppings and watching everything bubble and rise nicely.

That said, I am also on OP’s side in that there is a pure form of joy in finding a local place that does it consistently well. There’s a guy near me, Eastern European fella, he and his wife work flat out 8 hours a day 7 days a week and close the place for 2 weeks a year. They have 500+ 5-star Google reviews in a town where 50 would be in the top 3%. Unbelievable dedication to his craft. (He’s a bit of a pompous a-hole but every silver lining has a cloud.)

Have you tried digornio pizza?

I have not. I have tried a few other brands of frozen pizza though, and never had one better than "mid".

A nearby deli has Italian frozen pizzas that are already half baked in an actual pizza oven (such that they have that nice blackened crust / base going on) before they add the toppings and flash freeze them. Set the oven to 450f, let a metal tray heat up for a half hour and then put the frozen pizza in for 10 minutes and they come out pretty great. But they’re also quite small and cost like £8 ($11) and therefore come at a minimal discount to picking one up nearby.

Oh wow, even Red Baron?

Dude Red Baron is pretty mid. Also so is Little Caesars for that matter. I think you might just have low standards for pizza.

I always assumed RB was low tier. My parents only did Tombstone when I was a kid which is disgusting. However my in-laws have turned me onto the Classic Red Baron crust. For sometimes as low as $2.50/pizza (normally $3.50-$5.00) it's legitimately the most insane taste and calorie/$ ratio on the planet.

Home Run is too fatty for my taste, Screamin Sicilian is better than almost all of them but too expensive.

Yeah. It wasn't bad, but it didn't blow my socks off either.

What’s your definition of decent pizza?

To paraphrase Justice Stewart, I know it when I taste it.

He probably means something as good or at least a little better than Little Caesars

Every time I eat Little Caesars, I feel like I want to die. The pizza helps me here, because it makes me feel like I am actually going to die.

At first I start to sweat. I lose feeling in my limbs, my stomach aches in a concerningly numb way, and my eyelids become heavier than my crushing guilt. Actual ambrosia would not be worth the feelings it creates.

And yet I still crave the Caesar. Despite smoking many times throughout my life, I have never once failed to resist the cravings to do it more. Nicotine has nothing on that hellish pizza. An entire day’s worth of willpower is burnt if it ends up in my presence.

May Satan take that whole chain (but maybe I’ll have just one slice before he does.)

My man, surely you've visited a pizza joint that isn't an international chain?

Ya for sure, I don't think my school pizza was an international chain! Don't be ridiculous man.

I can’t tell if you’re being serious. Little Caesar’s is by far the most revolting pizza I’ve ever tasted. Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, Domino’s, Sbarro—hell, even Great Value frozen pizzas—are all far superior, even though I wouldn’t rank of them as great pizza either.

Little Caesar's does have one notable advantage: it's cheap AF. Back when I was in college (20 years ago, eep) it was only $5 for a large pizza. And while the quality wasn't great, it was at least ok. When you're a broke college student, being able to get half a pizza for $2.50 is awesome.

I mean if you want to get all hoity toity about pizza. Sure you can go high end with Papa johns, but I didn't realize we were talking rich people pizza.

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