The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Notes -
Her message was a good sign! It sounds like a classic shit test. It's just a final check to see if you can stand up for yourself before she decides to date you. If she wasn't into you anymore, she would have just ignored you or waited for you to press the issue. She was provoking you to see if you'd show backbone.
A better answer would have been: "You're an adult, and you weren't that drunk. Don't play games.". I know this would feel like a 180 from your normal personality, but that's the point!
I once was on a relaxed second date with a very hot girl who was a little out of my league, hanging out in my room. I had had experiences like yours in the past and was expecting something similar. Almost on cue, the next time I tried to get her attention to talk, she ignored me to type on her laptop for 5-10 seconds. When she finally answered, I did something very unlike my normal personality: I warmly but firmly said something like, "You're being disrespectful, you need to leave for tonight." I said that I want to see her again but not any more tonight. She didn't even seem all that upset, and was a little shocked, but also almost pleasantly surprised. She came over again the next day and we had an intense affair until I moved away for school.
I know I must sound like an incredible ass, and you shouldn't take my word for it, but I'm normally an easygoing guy to the point of being overly passive. But I (finally) realized that you only have to show a backbone once or twice to make a girl feel comfortable around you indefinitely - but they usually won't feel comfortable until they've seen you do it - hence the need for shit tests.
I suppose a false rape accusation and tellling the police and all her friends as such would have been an even better sign, as a more classical, shittier, testier shit-test?
This would have given @Skulldrinker the exciting opportunity to really show his backbone by putting out that fire, and afterward show that’s he’s a Decent Human Being with empathy by not blaming her because she was, as a vulnerable 30plus-year-old woman, understandably STRESSED by the TRAUMA of them making out.
And then maybe she’d deign to give him another shot again, but if she didn’t it just means he wasn’t able to do the bare minimum of manning up and passing the shit-test with a high enough grade.
I don't get it - I agree that a more serious accusation would be unrecoverable, but she just said "I'm unhappy that you made out with me".
I'm also not sure what you're talking about in the second paragraph - this guy has already demonstrated all of the 'decent human being' virtues in spades.
Yes, that's what I'm claiming. I think it's actually not-totally-crazy behavior, either. It's similar to guys teasing each other partly to show that they can handle a bit of pressure / aggression.
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This might work. Otoh, it might result in her telling all her friends that he sexually assaulted her and then turned into an abusive stalker.
I am so glad I am out of the dating game.
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Wrong reply, sorry.
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Dude, she accused me of molesting her. She's also a fucking sperg, in case you didn't pick that up from what I wrote. Even if that's a thing women do, she wouldn't.
Sorry for the double reply: she didn’t accuse you of molesting her and of course she would - she did!
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This is consistent with what I was saying - my point is that she's being obviously unreasonable!
I also might be wrong about this, but my understanding from being a bit of a sperg myself is that things like the rules of attraction + most emotions are similar to everyone else, but with a layer of neuroticism and poor social skills on top.
I personally spent way too long thinking that sufficiently smart women wouldn't require, or play, these kinds of games - thinking something like "If they are so un-self-aware as to play the normal BS social games, I'm not sure I want them anyways". I've also known a few amazing women that were self-aware enough to understand their own reactions, but even they still had the same requirements for attraction as the others. I think your dating experiences would make way more sense if consider that even sperg women have similar romantic responses and impulses as normal women.
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