The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Seeing @Skulldrinker's dilemma and also seeing some people I know expressing dissatisfaction with their committed relationships with women (in the case I am thinking of, this guy's fiancee apparently ruined his creative and pleasurable endeavors when she moved in with him because she requires constant attention, so he says) - are there any happy bachelors here? Got any tips for staying sane while single? Because there's no way it can be all bad, judging from all these bad relationships I hear about. What do you do for fun? Do you have friends to watch TV shows with you and play video games with you or what?
This is a weird question, simply because my default state has been single and happy for the past 10 years. This is mainly because I delt with fairly time intensive nightly health treatments (dialysis) for 5 of those years, which made it difficult for me to date. Now I am almost too comfortable single to think I could date successfully.
It really amounts to two things: be happy with who you are (or be working toward someone you would be happy being), and have fulling hobbies and/or career. Of course, this same advice roughly applies when you have an SO as well.
As for myself: I regularly travel, either to explore a city or an outdoor area (I'm visiting NW Georgia right now for backpacking), hike, and have/had a fulfilling job.
You were able to stop dialysis treatment?
Fortunately, got a cadaveric kidney transplant. Technically my second transplant, after losing the first after 10 years. The waitlist where I live is one of the shortest in the country, so it "only" took about 5 years after getting on dialysis.
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Endurance sports, travel (usually involving a modestly challenging journey by bike/moto/car rather than flying to a city and doing something there), reading, wrenching on and occasionally riding/driving motos/cars respectively, working interesting jobs that tend to be rough on relationships anyway, a few very close male friends that I talk to regularly and see a few times a year, the occasional hooker.
I'm not saying it's perfect, or that most people should do what I do, but all things considered I have it pretty good.
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This is the equivalent of saying "I hear people complain about their work quite a bit..... therefore I conclude being unemployed is preferable". Depends on the work and depends on your bank account doesn't it ?
I don't at all think all relationships suck and that you should remain single. But if you're not in one, and not likely to be in one any time soon, then finding some coping strategy is good.
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I was single until I was 30 and very happy.
The biggest thing that kept me sane and happy was having a career that I love. When you're single you can put as much time and effort into whatever you want, without considering other people. A career is great for that, and I was able to significantly advance mine. That was also the biggest source of socialization and local friendships for me. It really covered most of my bases outside of longterm friends I would talk to every so often.
Personally, I find the only way TV is bearable is watching it with a partner because it's basically an excuse to lie around together on the couch. I never watched TV single. You should try to find hobbies that you are interested in and provide a sense of improvement. I like weight training, but anything between ultramarathons and Warhammer 40k is good. Pick something you really want to do and go full in. You don't have to consider anyone's taste but your own.
Speaking of taste, treat yourself to going out to concerts or restaurants. Solo diners often get extra attention at higher end restaurants. Try some new wines (if you drink), taste some new foods, ask the server for recommendations and pick whatever strikes your fancy. One of the worst things about a bad relationship is having to accomodate someone else's bad taste in food or music, or anything else. Bring a book and sit at the bar if you feel weird.
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Activities that are both fun and cheap:
Playing video games
Reading
Converting texts from print or PDF to HTML
Watching video games on YouTube
t. zero friends and zero romantic partners
What in the world? I’ve only converted from HTML to print or PDF. What are you doing?
See Distributed Proofreaders and the Text Encoding Initiative for examples of people who do stuff of this kind collaboratively, as a volunteering project. I just do it for fun.
Example (incomplete) files that I have produced: 1 2 3
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Sounds like a real hoot! :D
It is.
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Good relationships also exist.
What's your life ordered around? Is there anything you care about? How best can you make the world better for your having been here?
Living for something is significantly better than living hedonistically.
(I submit as an option, Pascal's wager, for your consideration.)
Have friends whom I can talk to about the things I care about or take interest in. Play board games. Spend way too much time on the internet.
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I presume that casually dating doesn't count? I'm in between committed relationships right now, especially since I'm leaving the country in 3 months. But it's a refreshing experience after being in committed relationships for 7 years.
I don't think I'd be happy single, or at least celibate. Like any red blooded young man, I do enjoy getting laid, and while seeing several new people every week might be novel, my friends, and internet strangers, assure me that it gets stale eventually. So if I meet the right person, ideally in about 3 to 5 years, I'd strongly prefer to settle down and start a family. Friends and side activities, while something I enjoy, aren't enough.
Ah, women. Can't live with them. Can't live without them. If there was a pill that could harmlessly switch off just libido, I think I'd be happy enough, but it doesn't exist and is have qualms about taking it in the first place.
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