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PaperclipPerfector  7mo ago (text post)   3266 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for April 5, 2024

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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I'm thinking of one specific guy I know, who describes himself as "demisexual" and yet admits to watching porn. Not an OnlyFans girl with whom he has the plausible deniability of claiming that he knows her intimately (or the character she's playing) - just regular ol' XVideos.

If you need to get to know someone before you feel sexually attracted to them - how can you jerk off to porn? I don't get it.

how can you jerk off to porn?

Maybe he doesn't; maybe he just watches in a "huh, neat, sex and nudity" way (and maybe goes and does it after).

If you need to get to know someone before you feel sexually attracted to them

I think the whole conceit of "demisexuality" is trying to communicate, for lack of a better word, that the 'tricks' don't work on you- you don't have the... compulsion? to fuck or compromise as hard when you see primary sexual characteristics (as opposed to hetero/homosexuality, who by comparison to demis do).

At the same time, it's also an attempt to communicate that you still find sex pleasurable and desirable, as opposed to [a demisexual's assumption of] asexuals who do not (while that may not be taxonomically correct, I think that's the reason they want to label themselves differently in the first place).

He might be able to be sexually attracted to and have physically pleasurable sex with a strange woman, but would feel mentally very uncomfortable doing something so intimate with a stranger and would not actually enjoy the experience.

Isn't sexuality supposed to determine who you find sexually attractive? Don't remember where I heard it, but someone said the whole "demisexual" thing is just "being normal" and I still haven't heard a compelling counter.

Sexuality covers a wide range of things. Ultimately they're just a shorthand to describe what sort of sexual activities someone gets up to. The words don't necessarily represent just what gets someone's dick up. Someone could get horny at the sight of both men and women, but ardently only sleep with one gender; are they bisexual? I think it's entirely up to them whether they want to call themselves bisexual or not.

Ultimately they're just a shorthand to describe what sort of sexual activities someone gets up to.

That strikes me as sanewashing. Pretty sure I can dig out peer-reviewed articles that talk about demisexuality as a core part of one's identity, rather than just a preference you have at the moment.

For some people it's a core part of their identity. For other people it's just a shorthand to describe their dating practices. That's true for all sexualities.

but someone said the whole "demisexual" thing is just "being normal" and I still haven't heard a compelling counter.

No, that's called "heterosexuality". Biologically speaking, letting your dick do the driving (or taking advantage of the fact that most men do this) is optimal from a reproductive standpoint for what should be obvious reasons, so it makes sense that's the default. You're not supposed to think, you're just supposed to do (insert "only enough blood to run one head at the same time" meme here).

Isn't sexuality supposed to determine who you find sexually attractive?

Yes; heterosexuality (and homosexuality) [in men] is keying off of normal secondary sexual characteristics. Demisexuality isn't a real sexuality though (I think it describes something else; maybe 'male sexuality' and 'female sexuality' are built out of components, it's possible to only get some of the wrong ones, and they cause different problems [from a biological standpoint] when run on the wrong hardware), so it doesn't fit the 'who are you horny for' that hetero/homo/bi/ace can be used to answer.

“When I was a boy, we had a different word for people like that. We called them, ‘women’.”

I can't speak for demisexuals, but there is a definite cleavage (ummm... maybe not the best term to use in this context) between reality and fantasy. Fantasy/seeing hot movie stars/pin-ups/porn is "yeah, this gets my motor running". Reality is "I like her/him but would I sleep with them if I got the chance? No/I'd need to be friendly or emotionally attracted first".

Jerking off to porn involves nobody but yourself. A real human being in the same space is a different matter. Some guys and gals might be "If this person I just met five minutes ago invited me to Netflix and chill*, I'd be up for it immediately" but some might be "I need to get to know them first".

*Seemingly this is the new "come in for coffee", which is one of the things that amused/aggravated me about Elevatorgate. Back in "this is not America" small town Ireland of my teen years, hearing this on TV shows, I assumed this just meant "We've been on a date, I like you, I'm inviting you in for coffee so we can talk and get to know each other better". Then I was later informed that don't be silly, this is an invitation to have sex, nobody expects it to mean 'we'll just have coffee' if it's offered and if you accept, then you're consenting to have sex. Then later again, with Elevatorgate, I was told that the guy only meant 'come back to my room and have coffee', who would imagine that it was a euphemism for 'have sex with me'?

Argh. No wonder I'm glad to be asexual.

Why don't you ask him?

I assume his answer would be along the lines of "fantasy isn't about what you actually would like in real life".

I did ask him and he sort of dodged the question.

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