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PaperclipPerfector  11mo ago (text post)   2213 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for December 22, 2023

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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If it were up me to update the calendar for the next century, I would put us on 13 months of 28 days each, and make the Saturdays of every month line up with the moon phases; full, half, and new moons would all be on Saturdays.

There would be only one leftover day in three out of four years, and two leftover days in the leap years. I would put the annual leftover day on the winter solstice, and call it New Year’s Day, the day without a month, and I would put the leap day between October and November, and call it Election Day.

The 13th month would be between May and June and it would be called “Leftober”.

I would just find a way to adjust the orbit and rotation of the Earth to make it be exactly 364 days and 24 hours, no leap years or leap seconds, 13 months with 28 days each. Or 8 months with 30 days and 4 months with 31 days, if you want to keep 12 months for seasons.

The biggest drawback would be the birthdays always falling on the same day of the week.

Nah, as someone who has had heated arguments with people who are so adamant about the US adopting the metric system that they casually toss off metric units in casual speech as if they don't expect people to think they're insufferable dicks, the only calendar change I will support is a metric one.

The only SI unit of time is the second, so we'll start there. 100 seconds to the minute, 100 minutes to the hour, 10 hours to the day. 10 days a week, 10 weeks a month,.10 months a year. Of course, we wouldn't use those names; we'd redefine the second in terms of the metric day, so these hours would be decidays, years kilodays, etc.

Obviously, days wouldn't reliably track to sunrise and sunset, let alone anything like moon phases or seasons, but people who cite this as a reason my system is impractical are missing the point — the metric system isn't about making units that have any relationship to our everyday lives, it's about making the units divisible by ten. This is the information age. We have accurate clocks that can track time to a miniscule degree based on the half-life of a cesium atom, why the hell are we concerned about astronomical shit? Are you some fucking 5th century farmer who can't read and needs to count moon phases so you'll know when to plant your crops? Hell, no; the time is whatever the hell your phone says it is. It's time we get this shit in step with the 21st century.

Also, the fact that you'd add an extra month and not call it Smarch is borderline criminal.

The 30 days to a month isn't completely pulled out of the ass. It's based on the moon's movements. Same with the 12 months to a year. The specific micro lengths of the months not being evently diviced could be rectified. Also whichever joker decided OCTOBER isn't the 8th month of the year should burn in hell for all eternity.

It’s not the only one:

September - 7
October - 8
November - 9
December - 10

Historical reasons conspired to make these lose their connection to their meanings. The reason we have April Fools Day is April used to be the first month of the year, and people who didn't get the memo on the shift to January were mocked when they celebrated on April 1.

Your displeasure is misplaced. There's a very good reason why our time measurements are centered around a solar day. When we someday leave the cradle of Mother Earth forever we might switch to a kilo- and mega- second timekeeping method, but as long as all our daily activities are dependent on the Sun's position in the sky the day of 86400 seconds is there to stay.

In contrast, there's nothing about US customary units that makes them have any relationship to our everyday lives. They are as arbitrary as metric units, but at least with metric units conversions are simple and intuitive.

The conversions which actually get used in imperial units are also quite easy. The ones I use with any regularity are:

12 inches : 1 foot, 3 feet : 1 yard
16 oz : 1 lb
3 tsp : 1 tbsp
2 cups : 1 pt, 2 pts: 1 qt, 4 qts : 1 gal

These are not onerous or difficult to remember. They are even easy to calculate, in this day of having a computer in your pocket at almost all times. People advocating for the metric system always go "BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY STONE ARE IN A BUSHEL" and have a good laugh, but this is a bad faith gotcha. For the typical every day use, imperial conversions are quite easy to remember and work with.

How many fluid ounces are there in a tablespoon? How many ounces of water in a fluid ounce? Or are they equated via a different substance?

I don't know, nor are those conversions which I've ever needed.

Customary units aren't arbitrary. If I need to measure feet without a tape measure I can use my own feet and get a reasonable approximation. For inches I can use the distance between knuckles. The mile is based on how far you travel in one minute at normal highway speeds (at least in the days of the 55 mph speed limit, assuming 5 mph of leeway), a gallon is based on the amount of milk a family of four uses between grocery trips, the pound is based on the weight of the average cantaloupe, etc.

Joking aside, the point is that these measurements aren't arbitrary, but based what people find useful and convenient in their everyday lives. When metric proponents are pressed on the time question, they always point out that dividing the day into ten 100 minute hours doesn't result in any useful units of measurement. Well, so what? The last I checked, the distance between the equator and the north pole doesn't have any reasonable relationship to my everyday life, why should I expect units of time to? And the argument about ease of conversion never made any sense to me either; I couldn't tell you the last time I had to convert between customary units. Maybe occasionally when altering a recipe, but even then it's only a mild inconvenience that wouldn't even be appreciably improved by a switch to metric. It's definitely not worth changing our entire system over. I just find most of the metrification arguments dumb, because they never seem to apply in any other contexts.

This part is confusing two entirely separate things:

The last I checked, the distance between the equator and the north pole doesn't have any reasonable relationship to my everyday life, why should I expect units of time to?

One is the need for an independently verifiable definition of your measures, these days generally based on fundamental physical constants. Instead of building your system on a prototypical example and then accumulating measurement errors outward from it. Every system needs this, and in fact your current imperial units are defined as fractions of SI units, piggybacking on the definitions work of metric.

The other is the scale of the default unit, which is completely independent from your method of definition. After deciding to base the meter on the earth's circumference the actual fraction can still be freely chosen. The meter was picked specifically as a length useful in everyday life, it's pretty much the same scale as a yard.

dividing the day into ten 100 minute hours doesn't result in any useful units of measurement.

That's different from redefining the day itself. One day being exactly 100000 "decimal seconds" long would've worked just fine and scaling various processes would've been much easier. If one brick firing cycle takes 7 normal hours, how many days will it take to make 17 batches? If it takes 30 metric hourons (100 hourons in a day), then it's 510 metric hourons or a bit more than 5 days.

I couldn't tell you the last time I had to convert between customary units. Maybe occasionally when altering a recipe, but even then it's only a mild inconvenience that wouldn't even be appreciably improved by a switch to metric.

You could at least number your wrenches in 1/32ths of an inch, so they don't go 5/8, 11/16, 23/32.

And I do conversions all the time when doing technical sketches by hand. On mm graph paper I can directly measure any distance and convert it on the fly. Is it a 1:10 scale drawing of a staircase? This means 6.8cm is 67l8cm. Is it a 1:50 house plan? 6.8cm is 3.4m.

When we someday leave the cradle of Mother Earth forever we might switch to a kilo- and mega- second timekeeping method,

Multi-planetary timekeeping is something that doesn't really have a firm academic basis currently. Relativistic time dilation means that clocks, even Cesium sources, run at perceptually (for an Earth-based observer) different rates due to differing gravitational potential. I have talked with experts in the field before, and there is general agreement that the current "time is defined relative to Earth sea-level" probably doesn't work for precise applications (notably navigation) even on the Moon.

I love it.

Isn’t the lunar month 29.5, though? You’d precess off of Saturdays pretty fast.

Also, I suppose programmers would be upset at the concept of a “day without a month.” It would totally get counted as December.

the lunar month 29.5

You're right; just keep it a solar calendar, and let the moon precess as much as it wants.

New Year's Day would actually be a bonus for programmers: the zeroth day of the new year, and the first and only day in the zeroth month, keeping all the Saturdays divisible by seven.

Since you've dropped the lunar aspects, you can just intercalate a whole week at a time instead of having an orphan day every year, although this would cause the equinoxes and solstices to drift.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pax_Calendar

Your proposal seems to be: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Fixed_Calendar

I independently derived it, and chose a different location and name for the new month, but it’s fundamentally identical to the IFC, yes. I chose the name Leftober because it’s made from the leftover 2 or 3 days from the other months. Also, from the article:

Every year has 4 equal-length quarters of 91 days, each 13 weeks or 3+1⁄4 months long.

13 is my favorite prime number and 91 my favorite nonprime. It’s 7x13, a semiprime, and the only composite below 100 which can’t be factored by tricks and must be memorized:

  • Multiples of 2 and 5 end in 0,2,4,6,8 and 0,5 respectively
  • Multiples of 3 and 9 have their digits sum to 3,6,9 and 9 respectively
  • 49 is the square of 7 and is typically memorized in the square sequence 0,1,4,9,16,25,36,49,64,81,100,121,144

Leftober is kinda cool but the 13th month will always be Smarch to me.

I know, but I live in Albuquerque, NM. Every time I go to a minor league baseball game, I am reminded that the name of our franchise, the Isotopes, came from a (really good) Simpsons episode. I’d rather not watch Bort Johnson batting for the Isotopes in Smarch weather because of Simpsons gags.

Leftober is so named because it’s made from the leftover 2 or 3 days from the other months, but my favored alternative is “Sprung” between the old Spring and Summer months.

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