The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Stop being such a baby for one.
What: accept that I will be a nurse and caretaker and start working to build a good social network to help me with that?
@Ioper put it a bit more harshly than I would have but he's correct. Even if you are such a bad catch that you have to settle for a below average woman (which probably isn't true), there's a huge expanse between "average" and "so fat she can't even hope to wipe her ass any more, either that or a meth addict". This idea that you have to consign yourself to a life of misery (either being alone or being some broken woman's caretaker) is pure bullshit.
Your biggest problem isn't being autistic or whatever, it's your mindset. Women are going to see that from a fucking mile away, my dude. Nothing chases them off faster than some guy wallowing in self pity. Stop doing this weird coping mechanism of "I'm going to be miserable no matter what, best get used to it" and start trying to be more positive. Get therapy if you have to. But whatever you do, take steps to work on ditching this toxic mindset you are in right now.
And FFS stop arguing with people trying to give you good advice in this thread. The people giving you sympathy and saying "yeah I know what you mean, it's going to be bad for people like us"? They are the ones you need to push back on and not listen to. Listening to them is just going to keep you where you are. It feels good but it's like eating junk food - it's just making you unhealthy. You are utterly wrong about what the world and your prospects are like, and if you want to be in a better place you need to stop listening to the people you're inclined to agree with and start listening to the people you've been arguing against.
I think that it is unrealistic for me to be with someone that met the standards I once had:
Not morbidly obese
Not a danger to herself or others
Not addicted to hard drugs or alcohol
Able to work a full-time job, any job
Able to live independently and manage her own affairs.
I am working on being positive. I've realized a couple of weeks ago that these were basically my options and that it was good to be satisfied and happy with them: if my "niche" is nurse and caretaker, I need to figure out how to fill that niche rather than choosing to be celibate for life. There's plenty of guys that are happy with partners that are a lot worse than "is 500 pounds and needs a nurse and caretaker"; I've seen children that have been raised in those environments and have turned out OK...although that is a bridge that I'll cross if I ever reach it.
Why does caretaking have to be miserable? Pick the least-bad option and be happy with it, is my plan.
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Quit the charade of "hard realism", you're just manufacturing reasons to wallow in unproductive self-pity.
Your doomerism is an escapist fantasy, steering you away from confronting what's genuinely achievable and taking actions in that direction. It's as delusional as thinking you'll get a hot girlfriend by simply getting a bunch of money, and even less productive.
Hmm. I mean...I am willing to work on building a social network. I've accepted that I am unlikely to ever be averagely attractive, to be honest. A good social network will help me whether I'm alone, with a partner that needs a nurse and caretaker, or with one that doesn't.
Also: gold diggers exist. I suppose that if you have a large enough pile of cash, someone's willing to hold her nose and accept prostitution on a long term contract. The problem is that most doctors do not amass sufficiently large piles of cash. I'd think around fifty million at least is necessary...
One more thing: I believe that war is one of the best ways to become more attractive, as a man. Provided that you survive in one piece, more or less. Not happier, and every veteran I know paid a very heavy price. That being said: I do intend to have myself dumped into the Alaskan wilderness in late winter, next year, with survival gear. If I survive and walk out, I suppose it might be like war minus the moral injury and risk of being maimed...although maybe the moral injury is an essential part of things.
The first half of the first paragraph is good but then you're straight back to escapism.
If a one paragraph goal is what you can muster then focus on that. Don't engage with the doomerist escapism. Take a step back and look at your behaviour here, you're having a crisis and that is fine, but this kind of thinking is neither realistic nor productive.
Don't focus on the goal if you can't imagine it, focus on the small steps that will take you in the right direction.
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50 million? War to make you attractive to women?
Man, you make some wild assumptions.
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