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naraburns  nihil supernum  1yr ago (text post)   4403 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for April 30, 2023

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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I'm nearing 30 with a useless degree and no full-time job, and I'm trying to figure out what might be a good path for me. The thought of being a public school teacher has occurred to me, and while there are several potential issues, this one is the hardest to talk about.

I am somewhere on the spectrum of ephebophilia. I am not PRIMARILY attracted to 16 year old girls, but once a girl has physically matured, I am attracted to her whether she's 16 or 36. Making it more awkward is that I sometimes have more in common with teenagers than I do people my own age. I developed a crush on a 17 year old when I was 25. I'm obviously not going to make any moves on a kid, but I don't have a poker face, and I fear that when I find a student attractive, people will know.

Does this seem like a reasonable reason not to teach high school students? (Obviously middle school is fine, but let's assume high school is what's on the table.)

Sexual attraction to post-pubescent, sexually-mature minors is not a disorder and doesn’t need a name like ‘ephebophilia’. Up until extremely recently, it’s just what people called ‘normal’. No one in a professional setting would dare talk about it, but for evolutionary reasons, I wager that kind of attraction is dramatically more common than its absence.

Just don’t stare or be creepy, and no one will be able to tell whom you’re attracted to. On the off chance someone can tell, big whoop: every other male is also attracted. It’s not actually illegal or against any school policy to experience attraction, so long as you don’t act on it.

So yea, don’t let this issue keep you from being a teacher if that’s the best move for you. Just lie about whom you’re attracted to like everyone else. Judging by your username, are you autistic? This is the kind of unwritten, unspoken rule I’d expect a person on the spectrum to have an issue with.

Yes, I am autistic. That's likely why I have more interests in common with teenagers than I do people my own age, and it's also why (I believe that) I am worse at hiding my emotions than other people. I appreciate your reassurance, and this goes for everyone in this thread saying something similar.

Asking out of ignorance, doesn’t autism make it difficult to interact with classes full of rowdy teenagers all day long?

It very well may! I have only interacted with teenagers individually since leaving high school.

but once a girl has physically matured, I am attracted to her whether she's 16 or 36

Absolutely disgusting. Imagine being male and heterosexual in 2023.

I don't have a poker face, and I fear that when I find a student attractive, people will know.

Do you halt and catch fire whenever you interact with decent-looking women in general? Because assuming you don't do that, I'm not sure why this would be any different (aside from your internalized misandry triggering you whenever a thot thought crime enters your mind, though I understand this can be tougher if you also tend to hyperfocus on it, which your anxiety about being normal suggests).

I'd second one of the sibling posts with respect to easing your way into the role; you don't have to come back if you're "too tempted" or whatever though I suspect that's not going to be a problem once you've practiced dealing with enough people.

Agree with nonradicalcentrist (and I would call it 'certain'), every normal man is as biologically attracted to 16 year olds as they are to 36 year olds, of those who claim otherwise half are lying because the truth sound bad, and half genuinely 'feel' it less due to a combination of social pressure and genuine belief that it's bad. ("Deep feelings" often depend on complex social constructs - e.g. finding virginity appealing, not being attracted to people whose clothing indicates a different social class, etc). "I'm not attracted to young people, they're just not mature enough, what would we even connect over?"

and half genuinely 'feel' it less due to a combination of social pressure and genuine belief that it's bad

An expression of crimestop followed up by "because they're objectively beneath me" satisfies a male citizen's obligations to the Junior Anti-Sex League.

"I'm not attracted to young people, they're just not mature enough, what would we even connect over?"

I feel like this one is due to there being two different senses of "attracted to". I've said similar things myself, but about women in their early 20s (I was in my mid 30s at the time). It's true that young women like that are physically attractive, but their personalities can be absolutely grating (because they're young and foolish, as most young people are). So, would I fuck a 16 year old? On a purely physical level, and if I was in a culture where that was acceptable, eh sure I guess so. But just sticking your penis into vaginas isn't all there is to a relationship or being attracted to someone. So I don't think it's unreasonable to say "I'm not attracted to them" when I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in any sort of romantic relationship with them.

It's not unreasonable! It's just said a bit more often than it would be under perfect honesty, to deflect from exactly what you said.

I think, but I'm not certain, that most men are like you, though of course everyone virtue signals that they have absolutely no physical attraction to anyone significantly younger than them. But if you're worse at hiding it, which is probably likely since I don't think themotte posters are known for their social skills, then it would go badly for you.

Something I'm looking into to you might find useful is getting some compTIA certificates and going into tech support/network security.

Dude, talk about a coincidence. I'm studying to take the A+ right now! Not making progress nearly as fast as I want, but I am working on it.

I would strongly discourage people from teaching in general before that additional information- in your case I'd say absolutely not.

As to other career possibilities, what are your current skills and what skills could you cultivate this month to the point you could get a full time job with them next month?

I can read and write. I'm able to talk for a long period of time. That's about it.

Wait, why do you generally advise against teaching?

If you have social skills issues(which I assume you do if you’re autistic) I would strongly recommend against teaching- everything I’ve ever heard is that teacher’s internecine politics, like most supermajority female workplaces, is all pervasive, and that high school teachers in particular are like that.

You might want to consider insurance adjusting- there’s no actual skills that wouldn’t be covered by a degree in eg communications or history and the social skills requirements aren’t massive in comparison.

I would assume some high school teachers find their 18 year old students attractive, and just try not to remain professional, not stare, not make comments. Weren't there dating app polls about quite a lot of men of all ages finding 17 year old or so women the most attractive of all the age groups? It seems like it would be somewhat common to find some students attractive.

If you don't have a full time job, consider substitute teaching sometimes and see how distracting it actually is, and if the teens seem to notice (especially try substituting in a chaotic school, there they won't have any qualms about making fun of you if they notice).

What are you thinking of teaching?

English, because it was my favorite subject. I'd love to lead a discussion on Animal Farm or Catcher in the Rye.

Being a substitute teacher is a great idea. Thanks!

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