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ymeskhout  1yr ago (text post)   Edited 1yr ago   2813 thread views

The Bailey Podcast E030: Indubitably, Porn

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In this episode, we discuss porn.

Participants: Yassine, Interversity, Neophos, Xantos.

Links:

E016: The Banality of Catgirls (The Bailey)

Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports (Behavioral Sciences)

How Pornography Can Ruin Your Sex Life (Mark Manson)

Does too much pornography numb us to sexual pleasure? (Aeon Magazine)

The great porn experiment (TEDx)

Hikikomori (Wikipedia)

The Effects Of Too Much Porn: "He's Just Not That Into Anyone" (The Last Psychiatrist)

Hard Core (The Atlantic)

Recorded 2022-12-18 | Uploaded 2023-01-12

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Question: obviously the primary use/users of porn are single men, where does use by couples during sex fit in?

My experience is that it can be a great additional stimulus to get everyone going, especially in long running relationships. The privacy/relationship dichotomy can get people into a very special mood. But it has to be occasional, when it becomes an every-time thing feelings get hurt. I've definitely known people who leaned on it too much and caused a fight.

And I think that steers towards a healthy view of porn, it should be an occasional a la carte order not a daily diet.

I personally haven't watched commercial porn alone in years, though I do masturbate between 1-3x week depending on scheduling concerns and work stress. Normally memories or fantasies, sometimes I use old conversations/pics from partners, idk how that fits in to the dichotomy between porn/no porn.

As a total aside, during high lockdown in 2020, I happened to have a crate of vintage Playboys from a yard sale ranging from 70s to Kim Kardashian centerfold. Honestly, I think my all-powerful-God-king policy would limit porn to contexts like that: you can print naked girls, no sex, but you have to include literary short stories, fashion and lifestyle advice, and political interviews. Playboy really did produce great articles! It's such a time capsule! like obviously a spot on the slippery slope, but even that seems so nice by comparison to Pornhubs or whatever people use these days.

Sorry This is disorganized nonsense, I have a fever.

Question: obviously the primary use/users of porn are single men, where does use by couples during sex fit in?

I've never done it and also don't know how people navigate this. What exactly does watching porn while having sex with someone accomplish? The obvious insinuation that needs to be addressed is "I need to be distracted by someone hotter than you" and how do you finesse that?

Well, my wife and I are both into women, so when we have done it we watch lesbian porn, and my wife is simply so hot/arrogant that she can't be intimidated. Would be one explanation. There's also a flow aspect of it like @SubstantialFrivolity cites below, you're getting your appetite elsewhere but eating your meal at home. There's an element to watching her, for me, that's erotic because it's invading her privacy, watching what she does on her own when I'm at work late, etc.

My impression listening to your pod is that you're a young man about town, marriage is also inherently different. I've given my wife more orgasms than I've collected paychecks in my life, I'm not going to be easily intimidated. I've accepted my limitations, and accepted that she's accepted them. And at the end of the day, sometimes she's gonna do a better job getting herself wet.

My wife and I have never watched porn while having sex. However, we have watched porn when we both want to have sex to some extent, but just aren't feeling especially frisky. Once we are both feeling horny we will either ignore the porn or turn it off as we get down to business.

Though I agree with @FiveHourMarathon. It's something you have to use sparingly. I can't speak for my wife but my feelings would certainly be hurt if I felt like she could rarely/never get in the mood based on my own merits, but had to see some other dude naked to get going. We actually haven't watched porn together in quite sometime (probably a few years), but even before that it was real infrequent. And I think that was for the best.

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