The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Yes, this is key. We're hoping to have them out of the house doing something with other kids their age at least 3-4 times per week, plus playdates, playing in the park, etc. One of the two is very outgoing, so we're already thinking about how we're going to handle this and looking for homeschooling groups and activities that are not tied to schools. We very much want to avoid the "house arrest" model of homeschooling.
Have you ever heard of "homeschooling pods"? I think getting into one of those would be one of the easiest ways to get pretty much all of the benefits of public schooling's socializing your kids.
I hadn't heard the specific term, but that is exactly the sort of cohesive group I was hoping to find. Thanks for the tip!
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Sounds like you've thought a bunch about this!
Were you home schooled? Personally I feel like I'd have missed out on all of the activities and dumb stuff of school if I skipped it, but that doesn't mean that is the "only right way."
key thing is being involved other ways - church, neighborhood two huge ones that are admittedly probably harder than they used to be. Once you hit high school might be worth starting to get more involved - taking some AP classes, dual enrollment at local college, and highly highly recommend music and athletic extra curriculars.
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I wasn't, but I think I might have liked it. Probably like a lot of people on here, I enjoyed reading almost anything as a kid, from children's fiction to reference books and encyclopedias, and I always wished I had more time for that (well, that and PC gaming). I also used to write and draw for fun, but my enthusiasm fizzled by the time I finished middle school. I think I would kept them up had I learned how to properly draw or had a chance to write about the things I was interested in (history, fantasy, adventure) instead of analyzing e e cummings poetry or whatever.
I'm still a bit worried about their ability to make and maintain friendships without school, though. Friendships happen when you have forced repeated contact and shared experiences, and I've heard that some homeschooling circles have a constant flow of people coming in and out (but I guess some schools do too). We will have a good family friendly neighborhood and a nearby church, so that might help. Sports will probably be important for this as well.
Yeah this will help a lot.
So many people are maladjusted now and have no or few friends and I cannot imagine how much harder it is for the young. Like it's hard enough to find a GF for functional wealthy adults now.
A freshmen in high school? Yikes. And home schooling might be much, much worse.
However it seems very clear you are actively thinking about what you are doing and what the plan is and aware of limitations - fantastic prognostic indicator.
Since it seems like you've thought about this quite a bit as well -- any particular sports you'd recommend for building camaraderie? Any specific recommendations for boys or girls? I assume that team sports that require cooperation and some leadership (soccer, football, etc) are better for boys than individual(?) sports (tennis, martial arts, rock climbing). I have no idea what would be beneficial for girls.
Please don't think I'm some kind of expert on this, I'm not haha, but I do have some thoughts given your question.
The tricky part is that socioeconomic class, finances/resources and location are so so important (did I see something elsewhere about you living in Japan? I know fuck all about that).
That said the most important thing is that sports and exercise are like diets. The most important criteria is that you actually do it and can stick with it. Team sports are obviously better for what we are talking about but if your kid will only do tennis you'd rather them have some interaction with others and healthy lifestyle habits than just play Fortnite the whole time.
So - listen to your kid you can try and convince them to some extent but it is better to work with what you got.
Something else is that kids often end up following their parents or very very much not. If you have some sport you play your kid may try follow you in it (regardless if it's helpful for what we are discussing). They also may absolutely hate it and run into the opposite direction (again, listen to the signals you get from the kids). This can be very confusing when 2 kids absolutely fucking love the parent's sport and the third fucking hates it. I have nephews like this it is hilarious for everyone except their parents.
Another thing is to look for stuff that fills multiple roles. Are you upper-PMC and belong to a country club? Get your kid involved in a country club sport so they make connections as you make connections! This doesn't have to be business, the after school soccer league may get you in touch with people in your neighborhood for playdates, just being friends and other crap like that. If something speaks to you on this front, try that, if you have benefits that increases engagement.
Speaking of which, you may be the kind of person who likes the things your kids like because they are your kids. You might need a leg up. If you fucking love basketball, try basketball - you being excited about the games, wanting to go to the games, and paying attention at the games...all these things will help with secure attachment.
Your kid will know if you consider going to events painful, and that one dad paying shit attention makes everyone uncomfortable.
Okay specifics. Teams sports are probably better until/unless your kid has something resembling specific preferences, especially for home schooled kids -meeting people (and a variety of them) working together, all that bullshit. I'm reminded of an 80s cocaine Goldman anecdote about hiring managers tossing out all the resumes without team sports backgrounds because "he wasn't a team player."
Personally I did football and martial arts as a kid. The former was great for social development, I'm just as nerdy as you'd expect from a poster here but I'm entirely capable of making my patients forget that. You'd be amazed at home much mileage you can get out of laughing at the Bears with someone you have zero commonality with. The other big American sports are good for this just not as potent. Martial arts teach personal discipline in the most condensed way and still have some social elements. Unlike football it's easy to find classes. No idea how you would pull that off for football. And no I don't have braaaaaaaaaaaaaain dammmmg.
For girls I still think team sports are the way.
My female relatives did some combination of Volleyball, Basketball, Field Hockey, and Soccer. The last I think might work best for you. Travel Soccer can be expensive but it's cosmopolitan in a way that might appeal to Motte tastes and can get some experiences like sending your kid to Europe with a bunch of other girls to see some shit, get some experience, and so on.
Can also be adjusted a little bit up and down depending on time and financial resources and it is a little lower on physical risk than some of the options (and also can attract a higher class crowd than some of the other options).
Anyway, this got long.
Number one piece of advice is obvious and basic but worth repeating - don't cram a square peg into a round hole. Use what's available, what matches your resources and interests (and also your kids!). The best diet, the best exercise, the best lifestyle change - is the one you will do, consistently. Stick with sustainable.
And don't get too mad if your kid is a hopeless nerd and not about it. There's sometimes stuff you can do (and also a time to give up).
You will also note that a lot of parents will try and use sports as a way to get a leg up on college admissions. This isn't a bad idea or anything. I've seen tons of people leverage something like a fencing or tennis background into an Ivy League, but if you are going the home school route the socializing aspect of team sports probably outweighs those benefits (and if they have the genetic potential over the average SSC reader than they'll probably smoke the coursework anyway).
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Girls should do rock climbing if it's available. It's co ed until the very highest levels.
Boys should do at least one thing very directly competitive that will hold them to account.
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Are there any sports club near you? I am much more confident on my ability to homeschool my eventual kids because I know they can get pretty much all their socializing from our club. It also doesn't lock you into a sport they don't enjoy, they can drift into the one that interests them.
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