The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
-
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
-
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
-
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
-
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
How do I convince my girlfriend to eat more?
She's very skinny; usually not skeletal, but there are weeks where she oscillates between skeletal and skinny. She denies having an eating disorder and I don't think she does, but she is very finicky about her food and hardly ever eats meat (sushi being her one exception, she loves that). She says she's not a vegan, but vegan options are always her first choice and she'll only go non-vegan if there's no other option. She's 5'5'' and weighs about 100-105 lbs, so she's underweight, but not to the point where the casual observer would be concerned about it. I think she'd look and feel a lot better if she had another 10 lbs on her frame and a less restrictive diet, but when I raised the subject once she just said "You don't want me to get fat, right?" and insisted everything was fine.
I've never really had this problem with a girl before; it's usually the other way around where they might not stay in shape, and I've generally found that easy to handle because when I work out and stay fit it creates an impetus in their minds to do the same. Do any women here have any advice for how they'd like this subject broached if they were on the receiving end of the conversation, or if they think this sort of thing is fine? Do any men here have any experience with this?
If it's not a health problem, I'd say just let her be. Terms like "skeletal" are loaded and subjective, I can't tell if this is your taste talking or something else. The rough descriptors of weight and height don't sound dramatic to me, although you don't say her age or much else. I live in Japan though, so I am always jarred by what passes for normal weight in for example the US (where 9/10 women I consider at least slightly overweight).
More options
Context Copy link
Seconding @Sloot that everything about this sounds like the opposite of a problem. Next you're going to tell me that your wallet's too small for your fifties and your diamond shoes are too tight.
More options
Context Copy link
Some body types are just meant to be slim with little muscle and little fat.
More options
Context Copy link
My wife is 5'7" and weighs 115-120 lbs. I agree that's the best weight range.
Can you convince your GF to start working out? Even if she puts on ten pounds of pure muscle she'll still fill out in all the right places. Plus you can tell her the truth that she has to eat more to fuel her training sessions.
More options
Context Copy link
Uh... enjoy your slim, tight-bodied girlfriend? One of the hottest girls I've ever banged was maybe an inch or two taller and zero to ten pounds heavier than your girlfriend at the time, still had decent ass and pert tits, just no excess blubber around the arms/legs/midsection.
There's a lot of options there. Within the general sushi realm, there's a decent amount of variety with regard to maki vs. nigiri vs. sashimi. When it comes to cooked seafood, one can also do seafood fried rices, grilled seafood, baked fishes, pan-cooked shrimps/prawns.
You'd know better than me to the extent she'd look better, but be careful what you wish for... even by #BoomerHumor standards, it's already a cliche for a man to see his girlfriend/wife go from a thin qt3.14 to a heffersaur in a seeming blink-of-an-eye.
So many men would kill for a 5’5” 100-105 lb girlfriend/wife.
And I don't know to what extent she'd feel better. Usually women carry more than enough fat content such that changes in fat composition don't make a difference in general mood, other than the psychological impacts of being able to eat what you want. In contrast are some men, at certain times, in bodybuilding and combat sports who are more or less on the precipice of dying due to low body fat and dehydration.
Based girlfriend.
More options
Context Copy link
I hope it gets better, I know some women who became too skinny and later had fertliity issues, I sincerely hope your girlfriend doesn't face that. Besides just that, low weight increases the likelihood of bone density issues.
As for getting fat, modern modeling has warped realistic expectations. You can maybe try to tag her along to times when you are workout, the demands from physical culture may improve her appetite. You can also replace lower calorie snacks with higher ones if you live together.
This is a very hard thing to solve, I have a friend who is 5'7 and weighs 110 and wants to eat 1100 calories. She refuses to believe that most sane people don't like skinny girls because of Victoria's secret. Most people would look better if they simply worked out, I suspect girls don't like the idea of a higher bodyweight since most people have terrible fat distribution which can be fixed if you work out and aren't simply overweight.
Good luck regardless.
More options
Context Copy link
My wife is tall and underweight and has been her entire life. I've had similar concerns, conversations, and attempted interventions. For her, it's almost certainly genetic. I've learned that if she eats more now, she'll naturally eat less later and vice versa. She's perfectly healthy and gained weight well while pregnant, but nursed it all off again.
The only advice that has worked is to encourage her to exercise, which naturally increases her satiation point, but has only resulted in a more fit wife rather than a fatter one.
More options
Context Copy link
I am a man and I have extensive firsthand experience in this department. Me, I'm a simple vegetarian (which means I eat dairy and eggs) and only qualify for "disordered eating," which is to say that my eating habits are not even in the zip code of normal people but don't rise to the level of a full-blown eating disorder--autism, it's what's (not) for breakfast! My wife, on the other hand, has struggled with anorexia for most of her adult life and was 58 pounds at her lowest weight. There's no delicate way for me to say this, but the, "you don't want me to get fat, right," comment, her restrictive diet, and being underweight all combine to raise my suspicions that your girlfriend is anorexic. In fact, that's pretty much the diagnostic criteria for anorexia right there if we assume that the fear of becoming overweight is intense or otherwise exaggerated. If she is, there are other common signs that you've already noticed or will notice over time, things like being extremely self-conscious about her body, a negative self-image in general, hiding her body with loose clothing or layers, a general habit of withdrawing and isolating from friends and fun/enjoyable activities, fluid loading, especially with caffeinated beverages, noticeably low muscle mass on arms and legs, etc.
I actually came here to write about my own difficulties in my marriage due in major part to my wife's anorexia and I have been crying off and on as I write this because this shit is as serious as a heart attack and I want to find a way to convey this to you. Recovery is possible but it's a long and arduous road, requiring a good treatment team, a support network that unabashedly loves her and supports her unconditionally, and most importantly her own willingness to participate in treatment and sustained efforts to recover. Please feel free to respond/DM me if you want to talk more about this--I hope like hell that it isn't that bad, and I wish you well regardless.
The fuck, that's Auschwitz-grade weight. I hope your wife can make peace with her body.
Yeah, she was institutionalized for that, I'm sure it saved her life. Sadly, she's still anorexic af, but she's managed a balance where she maintains a decent weight, so she's got that going for her.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
Cook for her? That's my only idea. Desserts are generally fun to make, too. And for the meat side of things, I endorse this recipe: https://www.keepingitsimpleblog.com/food/ottolenghis-seeded-chicken-schnitzel/
More options
Context Copy link
OK, I qualify. It's much more effective to ask what her body can do (in terms of physical activity) rather than what her body looks like. If, despite her skinniness and near-veganism, she's strong as an ox and endures like a camel, then there is no problem with her diet.
Do the two of you do any physical activity together (other than intimacy) which puts her strength and endurance to the test? Do you go for long hikes? Swim? Play tennis? Climb? Go hunting? Clear debris? Dig ditches? If she does any physical activity that brings her to the brink of her strength or endurance, then improving her strength / endurance is a motivator. If, on the other hand, she avoids any activity that requires strength / endurance because she has none, you have an opportunity to start doing an activity with her at the beginner level. Not long hikes, but going for a walk. Not swim but splash in the pool. Not climb but gentle scramble. Once she starts doing the physical activity (with the motivator being your shared company), and she gets to enjoy doing the activity (positive reinforcement is a hell of a trainer), then she'll be in the position where she'd value increasing her strength / endurance.
As for looks: once your girl is into a physical activity, she'll put on the muscle, look less skinny, and (yes) feel better.
I think this is probably a good starting point, but I will observe that there are plenty of professional athletes, even successful ones, who have eating disorders. The term of art there seems to be RED-S these days. For those, the concerns are more "are they getting injured more often than they should" (energy deficiency can cause bone density issues), and, for women, if they are menstruating regularly (hormonal birth control can mask this issue).
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link