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Wellness Wednesday for December 11, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

There's no good intro for this, so here goes: what does the Motte know about erectile dysfunction?

(context: new partner, thankfully very understanding and skilled, first in a while, 4-5 encounters so far. generally fit and healthy, porn probably once a month or so, masturbation slightly less than daily. noctural erections are robust, but occasionally kinda weak during masturbation and difficult while standing. debating whether to medicate and see if tapering off works or just keep going and see if it eventually kinda clicks.).

porn probably once a month or so, masturbation slightly less than daily.

You masturbate purely mechanically, you're not viewing, reading or thinking about anything in particular, right ?

Hmm, no, I'd say it sometimes starts that way but I usually end up replaying some fond memories or something.

Everyone else has covered the best advice, so let me ask: Do you ever have a strange, difficult-to-describe sensation in and above your perineum, that comes and goes, and/or difficulty getting started when you urinate? You may have heard of BPH (benign prostate hyperplasia). It's basically a periodic inflammation of the prostate, of varying degrees. By the age of 70 about 80% of men will have this to some degree. There are treatments and you will note the word benign because it is not cancerous (though cancer of the prostate can present with similar symptoms.) Erectile dysfunction can have all sorts of psychological reasons, though--I think in some ways as men we would prefer it to be a physical ailment. Maybe not.

I'd agree with ask your urologist (get a urologist, not a GP, for this.) Be as frank as possible, this is his job (or her job). Personally the veil has been lifted for me regarding Andrew Huberman and I can't take him seriously, but that doesn't mean his vid on this topic with Attia (who I like a bit better) isn't worth watching. It might well be.

BPH

I've had what I'm fairly sure were these symptoms before, but they went away and haven't come back. Worth mentioning to a urologist, though, now you mention it.

his vid on this topic with Attia

I think the other commenter was alluding to separate podcasts, but yeah, worth a listen pn 1.5x anyway.

Zinc once a day, every day. If you're meeting your partner that day, also take a ginseng supplement (and also natural aphrodisiacs: dark chocolate and red wine). Try cutting out masturbation for a few days.

I've gone through 2-3 periods of taking zinc daily over the last 8-10 years and not once have I noticed any effect whatsoever. Presumably it does something for a lot of guys since I see it recommended so often for various uses. Noted on the other stuff.

Attia and Huberman have incredible long podcasts on this. Here is a small blurb, but their male sexual health videos are worth listening to over the whole 3 hours.

tl;dr: Medical intervention is good and recommended. It works best when done early rather than letting the psychological element build up.

Interesting. I'm not sure I place much weight on either of those sources, but the logic makes sense, and small daily doses of tadalafil seem to have a pretty benign side effect profile.

I had some brief run-ins due to psychological hangups, mostly stress, not being immersed, meditation fixed it so would recommend you give that a shot and reduce stress, if it still persists, visit a doc immediately, do not self-medicate.

Thanks. I've never noticed much one way or the other from meditation, but never gone very deep with it either. I'll check out the book.

Better boner; one of the lesser known siddhis.

100 percent lol, the best resource on sex is this book called the sex god method by daniel rose and he explicitly recommends meditation to fix performance issues. It helped me out and should help you out. ED in most cases for young men is a psychological issue.

How old are you? The rule of thumb is that if morning erections are happening, it's a psychological problem and not one related to circulation. (look up the postage stamp test) Are you on any other meds?

I'm 32. K2/D3 and coffee, maybe a standard drink every two weeks, that's it.

I appreciate the offer, but it is a throwaway, and I'm happy to have this discussion out in the open for the benefit of the next guy.

Yeah if your wood works just fine in other contexts it's almost always a psychological problem. What that can mean is super variable. Maybe you are stressed. Maybe you aren't getting enough sleep. Maybe you find your new partner intimidating. All of this can happen in the background without you realizing it, especially if you don't have good insight into how you function (common in people who don't need that most of the time!).

Still may be worth discussing with your doctor.

Something to consider is that you are getting older. Sometimes that means a mild decline in functioning that feels like a big decline in functioning which leads to a more "real" big decline in functioning.

You're fine dude, you're just stressed about something.

I once had food allergies for a year that disappeared when I passed an exam.

Yeah, very possible. Thanks, I appreciate it.

masturbation slightly less than daily

Step one would be refraining from masturbating and directing that drive towards your new partner.

If nocturnal erections are trouble free could you arrange your encounters around that somehow?

Noted, both ideas worth a try. We both have a hell of a time sleeping with the other one in the bed (general issue, not partner-specific) but that can be worked around.

What’s your exercise like? Do you do any kind of cardio or weights? If your noctornal ones are fine than you probably don’t need medication.

Lift twice a week, run 3-4x, cycle 2-3x, probably average about one of those pretty hard. I could probably deadlift 405 and run a 20min 3mi today, though it would hurt.

I am a little worried about the bike, but I started having issues when I'd been off it for couple months, I've never had numbness or pain on the bike, and I've always been pretty conscious of fit and saddle choice, so I don't think that's it.