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Great, deep post. AAQC'd.
Some thoughts I have:
Regarding churches: I have certainly felt the same thing about sadness at them dying off. And I am myself part of a relatively small cohort of under-40s at the church I attend now. However, I do think this is creating some healthy pressure on them to adapt. I have spoken to pastors at some declining churches and asked them what they are doing to try and recruit new members - I have never gotten a response that indicated they even think about it seriously. That is not good enough. Sincerely, I believe that churches with that attitude deserve to die out. Meanwhile, I am indeed aware of some churches in my area that have retrenched, come up with some new ideas, and are expanding. I think my church "makes a great product," for lack of a better way to put it; we have something good to offer, and we should capitalize on that. I may look to start a committee about that in the new year where we members can work on that.
Regarding aging: this is just really true, and I commend you for pointing it out. In particular, it makes me think about "bubbles." I have been awash in "self-improvement culture" for many years now; I don't know if I started seeking it out, or if the algorithm presented it to me, or if my involvement developed from my own ideas, or what, but - I have internalized the idea that, to be a desirable partner, you have to improve and maintain yourself. You must meet standards of physical wellbeing and style; cultivate yourself into a person that others would like to talk to and be around; achieve adult levels of life stability.
To me, that is so clear that I can't imagine not doing those things. Conversely, as you mention, there are some people for whom these ideas make up no part of their thinking. I genuinely do not know what they are thinking about instead. I am not entirely judging them; perhaps they like their way of life better. But the outcome is that there are a surprising amount of young-ish people in my extended circle, who are not legitimate romantic prospects for anyone. And these may be people in their age-based "prime;" it only gets worse from here if they don't shape up. Or they may, as you say, be people who spent their entire prime in a totally unviable state, and are now declining even from there. As you say, it makes me really sad. Personally, if I died relatively soon, I have a couple of decades that I can look back on very positively. I made the most of what I was given, more or less. It's very, very painful to think about someone looking back on having failed to do that.
That's pretty much where I'm at unless I'm in court or similar. I went through a strong thrift-store #menswear phase in my 20s, and I put together a pretty great collection of Allen Edmonds and Alden etc dress shoes. But more and more, I found that there wasn't really anywhere one could wear them without being overdressed. A casual leather shoe is more than good enough in the vast majority of situations these days, anything more feels costumey.
Probably they deserve it, but it still makes me sad in a way. The Lutheran church was supposed to be there! I didn't want to go there, but if I wanted to go there, I expected them to be there to welcome me, and somehow it's sad to know that they aren't.
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From my own personal experience as someone who has never been able to bring myself to give two shits about "self-improvement culture," object-level stuff, mostly. Work and whether I should apply to a new job or try for advancement at my current employer; the Napoleonic Wars or whatever other period of history has grabbed my interest recently; the podcast I am listening to; whether my favorite baseball team would be better or worse if they traded for someone or called up the hot prospect du jour; how to reply to the latest interesting post here; whether my car needs an oil change, etc.
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As someone who mostly wears retired running shoes (Altra, not New Balance, and generally more muted colors), do you have any recommendations for finding durable, comfortable, and good-looking shoes?
I have two pairs of Thursdays and once they are broken in they are comfortable and will last for a long time. They have a line of leather sneakers with sheepskin interior lining: https://thursdayboots.com/collections/mens-sneakers-low-top
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SAS shoes.
One pair will likely last you a decade, if not longer.
These mostly appear to be hideous.
Shrug. I like them. Don't know what more to say than that.
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My honest-to-God answer to this is that for daily use, I just buy simple, conservatively-styled Rockports, and replace them when they wear out. Like this. Yes, it's just a basic-ass black shoe; but it feels and performs very well, and it looks okay.
Real shoe connoisseurs will not be impressed by this, but the man on the street or the lady from Inside Sales might. And after all, I live in Ohio. People's expectations are easy to exceed here.
I do believe that durable, comfortable, good-looking true dress shoes exist, and I also think there are some Mottizens who will be happy to chime in with recommendations. I feel like I've seen them talking about it before.
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