Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
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I recently spoke to a cute med student on the dating apps, same med school as my younger brother.
She tells me she knows my brother. I mean, who doesn't? He's a looker, all the girls and a good quarter of the guys want to know him, in the biblical sense, but she wasn't so crass. All good.
She she says she knows my dad. Okay.. But I've heard worse.
She goes on to say that not only are our parents colleagues, they're from the same med school. What a coincidence!
I ask my brother about her. You know, due diligence. He gives me a look, and tells me to keep my filthy paws off her if I know what's good for me. Huh. That's new. I swear he's never had that particular reaction before, and I wanted to know why, but he just shook his head, asked me to confirm her surname, and wandered off.
Then she says that hey, your dad was visiting our place just a month or so back, how's he doing? Quite well, thank you for asking. What field of medicine are your parents in? Gynecologists themselves?
I matched into psychiatry. Then I found out, after a very reasonable amount of flirting, that I had matched with my psychiatrist's daughter on a dating app. I told her that I had literally called him a month back to share the good news. The former, the latter was nothing but bad.
My dad delivered her by c-sec. He does that to a lot of people, it's not a very exclusive club, after all, how could it be, when I'm a member?
My fucking brother, he was laughing his ass off in the next room, the walls, while thick, weren't nearly enough to hide the chortles or my beet red face. Then the asshole goes on to tell my parents about her, and I limp back home from work, only to have my dad ask me if I want to marry her.
I chuckle and throw my employee ID card somewhere it won't be missed. Then I take a good look. He's not joking. This is the opposite of good, but what am I good at except brushing off commitment?
No? Then stop fucking around, SMH (he's also shaking his head, and I mine). She's a Good Girl™, studious, from a respectable family. You want to get married? I can call her dad right now. He's not kidding either. I thought I was dead inside, but apparently it's always possible to make room for desert and to make what's already dead roll over and die again.
I assure him that as someone about to move countries and stay in Scotland for 3 years and change, marrying an Indian med student only halfway through her course is the ABSOLUTE LAST THING I want to be doing.
Ah, but they're well off enough, and so are we. We could fly her out every six months or so to see you.
-_-
My mom was in the room and giggling her ass off. Thank you for the moral support mom.
I tell my dad that I don't think a healthy marriage involves the newly weds living a continent away, seeing each other every blue moon. He doesn't seem all that fussed, and I realized that roughly summed up the first few years of his marriage, given how he was on the sigma grindset. I suppose there's a reason they had their honeymoon when I was three years old. No, I tell him, given that if there's ever going to be a shotgun wedding, her dad will be the one wielding one, only to keep me at bay. He's my fucking shrink, he knows things. He'd need a shrink himself if he let me anywhere near his cute and nerdy daughter, and I'm not licensed yet.
At this point, my mom asks me if I care to examine the latest batch of single ladies lovingly handpicked out for me by my aunt in London. I've well and truly had enough, I stomp out of there with steam, tinted pink with dying brain tissue, hissing out of my ears.
My life is a farce. Joke's on me. So are the drinks, but only because I'm going to be downing a lot of them.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. Go get yourself a wife, I highly recommend it.
(I don't know if you knew this, but with a wife, you can get babies, and babies are pretty great, especially when they're yours).
She sounds like a catch.
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On one hand, the leverage your close family and personal connections you have with this young woman is a little disconcerting. On the other hand, you're hitting it off and you seem to both like each other.
I understand your worry and considerations, but long distance is doable if you are both looking for a long term relationship. My fiancée and I did long distance for a long time (over 5 years!) before I got myself in order and moved to be closer to her. I regret nothing, and we remained committed to each other for the entire time even if we couldn't see each other more than once every few months.
Now, this forum would probably press the statistical improbability of this being successful, but I laugh at the face of statistics. Be the outliar!
Life is short, go for it!
Please don't assume that she's going to be forced into a marriage with me against her wishes. At most, my dad could ask her dad if he'd be okay with it, and have it taken seriously, including being presented to her for her consideration. But if she said no, I'm confident they'd respect her wishes.
I'm hardly a bad catch, and we evidently saw something in each other when we matched, so I have no idea how she'd react. I just don't consider myself remotely ready.
I applaud your ability to make an LDR work, but I sincerely doubt they're for me. As it stands, I'm giving myself like 3 to 5 years to find someone on my own terms before I feel tempted to lean back on such options.
Sorry, I never meant to insinuate that you'd considering you flex your familial connections to force someone into a decision (I'll admit I'm not too familiar with arranged marriages). I'm glad it sounds everyone would have a level head about the whole situation.
I understand your fear of marriage, especially one with so little time to figure out if you really have a connection and are worried about the feasibility of a relationship working over long distance. Are you worried that you'll find greener grass? Or is it your internal monologue when you see women?
I guess the question I would have is, what the hell are you waiting for, and what are you afraid of missing?
The hardest part is, given your situation, that chances are one of you will have to give up or compromise your career for the other to some extent. That will be one of those things that can be very difficult for couples to navigate, but it's doable if both people are willing to work for each other instead of their onw goals and is an inevitable part of almost every relationship.
I'm not afraid of marriage. I easily see myself happily married, but after a modest number of years, spent mostly in unchecked hedonism. If, in the middle, I did find another person I could genuinely see myself settling down with, I'd have few qualms about cutting that phase of my life short.
I'd prefer grass that's just on my side of a very wide field really. It makes mowing the lawn significantly easier, all the myriad acts of love and general maintenance that makes a relationship work are eased through proximity. I can't go so far as to say that LDRs are impossible, I know plenty of existence proofs out there, not just you, but I expect them to fail far more often than not, when the number of years till you see each other again on a regular basis can be as many as 4 or more.
From a more practical perspective, I'd prefer to marry a woman who's already settled into her career and supplementing our income.
I've done that before, to my detriment, and it was wasted in the end, both the time and the money.
I'm in the UK for a minimum of 3 years. I could see 5 being ideal, since that's how long it would take to get Indefinite Leave to Remain. 6? Then I'd be a full consultant by UK standards (a mere 3 is enough for the majority of the globe), and that's also how long it would take for full citizenship.
After that? I'm going where the money and the lifestyle is. If avenues closed to me right now open up, it could well be the US, or maybe Australia. If they remain shut, I'll likely make a great deal more money in the Middle East, not that I want to live there for anything but the money.
I'm not entirely averse to settling down in the UK, especially with a partner who makes a comparable sum, but it's plan B for now. Maybe even C.
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He has seen into the abyss and with that you are still a viable candidate. That speaks about both the alternatives he is aware of and likely his calculus of what the baseline mental state of the educated Indian male of your social stature. If his daughter is hot go for it, and rub it in your brothers face that you overcame adversity.
Having spent more time examining the London offerings, I would say that if the girls are below 27 it is ok to see. Barely out of university so they haven't had time to adjust their own presentation to match local white standards, old enough to not be blind waifs ignorant of basic functions, amenable enough to listen to their mothers and will get scolded by their own parents if they go against the man. Finding white girls to date in Scotland is all well and good, but do recall my earlier points about mass distribution curves, and also be wary of their extremely low tolerance of UV radiation.
To the best of my knowledge, her dad doesn't know, and I'm immensely grateful. I asked her if he'd ever mentioned me as a patient, and was suitably impressed that he'd never brought it up at all, not even when my dad was around. A far more respectable psychiatrist than I am (even when I do finish my degree), he seems to take client confidentiality seriously while I just file off the serial numbers enough not to get into trouble with my governing body.
I'd have preferred to keep my parents blissfully ignorant, but my brother had other ideas. The sheer ingratitude, when I was the one taking Ritalin to coax and prod him through his finals? (Said Ritalin prescribed by the girl's dad. Sigh.)
Eh, while I'd be lying if I said I didn't think with my dick, it only holds a rotating seat in the Insecurity Council, though of course wielding a veto. But right now, marry a med student with 3 years to go who would then have to worry about her own UK licensing exams? Bruh. I can flex on my own brother in other ways, not that I don't love the cheeky little shit.
If I had to guess, I do think her dad would be open to the suggestion. I haven't really done anything awful, he just happens to know I was pretty depressed at one point and have ADHD. No real skeletons in my closet, just the overflow of my mom's sarees.
Besides, it's rare for girls to get married off while still med students. The only odd case or three I can recall, they were Muslim, from conservative backgrounds. Most Indian parents, the Hindu ones, at least, are kind enough to wait till you're out of med school before the real nagging about the pitter patter of little feet begins. They'd be happy enough to have an informal engagement, all the more so if the couple to be had genuine interest, but the formalities can wait.
I'm listening. I'm learning. I even look at some of the girls sent my way, not that anyone has convinced me to take them seriously quite yet.
At least my long stint in Oncology means I can tell a melanoma when I see one! I bring a lot to the table 💪
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You had me at cute. Do it.
You need to change your username my guy. It's far too easy to mistake that for asexual, and I might be a horny bastard but I'm not quite that far gone yet haha.
No way! Why should I change? They’re the ones who suck!
And the sound track kicks in so loud you can hear the long curly hair, "Wheeeen aaa maaaaaaan loooooves a womaaaan...
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Absolutely. Reject modernity, embrace tradition, take the arranged-marriage-pill. Your family knows what's best for you @self_made_human, listen to them.
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Tell you what, if ever you stumble into Southern Germany, the drinks will be on me and we can have a dick-measuring contest on whose life is more farcical.
Your family cares about you. Be glad.
Apart from all that, what is your family's opinion on you moving to Scotland?
I sense a tale waiting to be told. Sure, Germany is far too close for comfort for the British, ancestral memory and all that. I suppose you can subsidize the alcoholism and I'll get the sauerkraut. I think both of us could use the drink, if not the wiener.
Oh I certainly am touched, my family is great, not that it stops me from muttering about the way their care and concern manifests on occasion. I'm only mildly exasperated; I'm no lemon or old beater that I need an enthusiastic salesperson or a dozen trying to sell me off to the highest bidder, but eh, enough stress might bring about the male pattern baldness earlier than expected and it's always good to have a backup.
My parents never wanted me to move abroad, and were vocal about it. To them, an ideal ending would be me taking up my dad's reins as a surgeon, or at least marrying a woman just regaining her sanity after a gyne MS, so that his massive clientele and skills can be handed down to someone who needs them for more than writing the odd examination or two. Well, they've got my younger brother still in the oven, and while I doubt he's insane enough to take up gyne either, I'd bet decent money he'll be getting married off eventually, preferably to a surgeon. He's far more handsome, but simply doesn't give a single fuck about the fairer sex. Not gay either, he ignores the horny fucks sliding into his DMs, and those include one of his male professors from med school. I suppose he'll just shrug and bear it. I'm deeply jealous, that's a level of sanity that I can never aspire to.
But that's all the ill I can speak about my parents. They've been supportive of my own ambitions, even if it means I'm flying the coop. The worst they've done is occasionally argue and try and dangle carrots before me, never the stick. They have valid arguments, both emotional and practical, but so do I. I don't think I'd ever be happy in India, I fit in much better abroad.
Right now, they're feeling the same melancholic, bittersweet happiness that I do. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but they're proud that their son is getting around to adding more alphabet soup behind his name, and a degree in the UK still gets their peers nodding appreciatively, so they can't complain. A postgrad degree is what everyone is dying to acquire post MBBS, while doctors might seem interchangeable to a layman beyond knowing their age and specialization, the lack of the latter doesn't get you very far in the eyes of your peers or your career.
I certainly wouldn't be getting so many marriage offers if I hadn't proven that I have some degree of academic competence, at least not from the parents of other doctors, though that's partly because until you've got that locked in, the rest of your life looks an interminable grind getting there.
Cheers to you, not that I can drink on duty. I can use a continental vacation at some point, and a beer, dearly.
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