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PaperclipPerfector  1yr ago (text post)   4449 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 19, 2023

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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What career should I pursue? I seem to lack the discipline or whatever for university or other such independant tasks. How much does having a good career matter for getting a good wife? I'm worried at the rate I'm going I'm running out of time.

What career should I pursue? I seem to lack the discipline or whatever for university or other such independant tasks.

Something where there is a shortage. Also, if you're autistic, get yourself tested for ADHD - a lot of us have the combo meal and medication can be very helpful.

I don't know if it's the same in the States, but in Canada I'm always telling guys in your position to do insurance. Typically it's a quick on the job training course (few weeks?) And then you're making 50-60k, often fully remote, busy and occasionally interesting work in adjusting, or later on fraud prevention. You could also take like a heavy equipment operator course or something along those lines.

Could you tell me more about insurance, if you don't mind? It's not just sales? That's more optimistic than I've heard from other people, but maybe that's just Canada.

I've got a friend who worked for Desjardins and Intact. His job was adjusting - aka evaluating the claims that came in. You get in an accident and want money to fix your car - was it your fault? What is your policy? Etc etc.

Eventually you can go into management, more corporate stuff, or I've heard a lot of people go into fraud detection, building cases against a lot of organized crime insurance fraud schemes and passing info off to police.

All with no degree? Just starting with nothing and accumulating job experience?

In Canada at least, I believe they have you take a course....I think your ceiling is limited somewhat without a degree, and in the hiring process if there is a lot of competition then you may find yourself overlooked, but it's at least worth looking into. Even a simple 2 year diploma from a community college probably wouldn't hurt.

Seems like it might be pretty uncommon, unfortunately. I've talked to others who have said they don't know anyone outside of sales without a degree. witheredwojak.jpg

I'm always telling guys in your position to do insurance. Typically it's a quick on the job training course (few weeks?) And then you're making 50-60k, often fully remote, busy and occasionally interesting work in adjusting, or later on fraud prevention.

Something like this seems like it might be the practical path for me.

Assortative mating is a real deal, so if you want to bag a wife you'll be proud of, then you need to work on yourself too, presuming your profile picture is you, unless you get really jacked you'll have to rely on something other than good looks carrying you (a problem I share, I'm just being honest here, not attempting to call you ugly, even just being plain means you need more in hand).

You're 26 years old, and don't have much in the way of qualifications. Well, I'm 26 years old, and despite "lacking the discipline" to pursue independent tasks, Ritalin proved to be a sufficient aid to get me through med school.

That is not a route I would recommend to anyone today (unless they're at just the right age to get in), because I think there's a very high chance you will be effectively obsolete and unemployable (for current wages) by the time you're done. This is true for most professions, not just medicine, not that you suggested you were inclined towards it.

IMO, you should aim for a career where minimal credentials and maximum selling your skills applies, programming is one that comes to mind, perhaps a trade if you're willing to go down that route. I would strongly advise against anything that needs a Bachelors, then a Masters and a PhD, you simply do not have the luxury of that much time (though being a student in a promising course is a good way to get a girl! At least you'll be in an environment where they're present, programming excepted).

You raised concerns of delaying having kids later being bad because of aging related degradation of your seminal genetic material, which honestly isn't that big a deal for men. The most pertinent reason to avoid delaying past your 40s is that you will likely just lack the energy to handle kids, even if that's not something that can't be overcome.

So my advise is, get into a Bachelors in whatever you think you have the aptitude for, perhaps consider a Masters if you don't find a well-paying job straight away, and use that time to expose yourself to women your age with the traits you desire.

You raised concerns of delaying having kids later being bad because of aging related degradation of your seminal genetic material, which honestly isn't that big a deal for men.

Any relationship between delayed paternity and having autistic children?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7396152/

Instead, increased odds of ASD were found with paternal age < 30 years (adjusted odds ratio [AOR] = 2.83 and 95% confidence intervals [CI] = 1.14–7.02). Likewise, younger age (<30 years) for both parents was associated with decreases in Mullen Scales of Early Learning early learning composite (MSEL-ELC) scores

It is indeed a risk factor, but as far as I'm aware, considering all congenital abnormalities and not just autism, maternal age is a bigger deal.

children born to fathers who were 45 years or older were at higher risk for developing autism than those born to fathers who were 25 years or younger.

Source: an observational study of five million children in five countries; an article which cites it also notes the issues with the study’s methodology.

Is it just a correlation or is it causal? Because I can think of lots of reasons autistic traits would be correlated with having kids later.

So my advise is, get into a Bachelors in whatever you think you have the aptitude for, perhaps consider a Masters if you don't find a well-paying job straight away, and use that time to expose yourself to women your age with the traits you desire.

That would be ideal, but like I said, I lack the discipline or whatever.

I offered you a solution, stimulants, as many as it takes to make you sit down and do what you're supposed to rather than what you feel like.

Speaking of that, I should get back to studying for yet more medical exams before mine wear off..

Do stimulants actually make you focus on work rather than play? I thought it just made you focus on whatever it is you're doing. I suppose of course it's worth trying anyway, but I'm not optimistic.

I can certainly game for hours and hours on it, but the primary issue I have is coaxing myself into sitting in front of an open textbook, and it augments my willpower to do that.

Then again, I'm Motte-posting before it's worn off, but I did solve 100+ MCQs today, and I'll do some more now.

Thanks for all the replies.

You're welcome! Get the bag, make sure it's Gucci, and you'll find someone to carry it on one arm with her other in yours.

You raised concerns of delaying having kids later being bad because of aging related degradation of your seminal genetic material, which honestly isn't that big a deal for men.

The primary concern is the age of the mother. Maybe I could marry someone much younger, but that comes with its own set of issues, and the vast majority of women marry someone within only a few years of them anyway.

You don’t need to worry about a thing lad; I’m in my 40s and my future wife hasn’t even been born yet.

You don’t need to worry about a thing lad; I’m in my 40s and my future wife hasn’t even been born yet.

How long are you expecting to live? Why? And where do you live to expect a relationship with such a large age gap to be tolerated? Plus, why do you expect her to go for such a relationship, given the aforementioned gap?

= \

An age-gap of even ten years is utterly unremarkable, especially when it's, say, a 40 year old guy marrying a 30 yo woman. It's far from an intractable issue.

An age-gap of even ten years is utterly unremarkable,

Maybe where you live, but it would be quite shocking in any of the social circles I'm familiar with.

What social circles are those?

Alaska.

Yes, to be clear, I'm not some turbo doomer about this. But dating is hard enough already without adding on even more filters.

Dating will get easier when you're either a student in a promising profession, or someone employed making decent dough. At that point, being the kind of guy who wants a significantly younger wife becomes a far more tractable problem, easier the more money you have really.

So being a recent graduate is a bad time to date?

Bad? Compared to your entire life? Not at all.

But compared to either:

  1. Being in schooling, where you have state-sanctioned proximity to young and attractive people of the other gender, very few people in your peer group having become so utterly superior to you in terms of credentials.

  2. Being well-established in a career where you're gaining points for being wealthy/successful/put-together, in other words having said credentials.

It's a bit worse.

1 happens to be the biggest hurdle for the average person asking for relationship advice here, they're usually nerdy, shy or introverted, and often are in a stream where women are rare. But they usually get a big benefit from 2, where being successful makes them attractive again.

Being a recent graduate who just got a decent job, still has an active friends circle from college or uni and hasn't aged out of hangouts or events where the denizens of the latter exist is far from the worst place to be.

I'm somehow in the worst of all worlds. I'm nerdy, shy, and introverted and did a degree where there were very few women and I had almost no free time, have had very little career success since graduating, and am now no longer part of a social circle that involves going to parties or meeting new people after moving back to my hometown and now only hanging out with friends from high school and having not succeeded at making friends in university.

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Dating will get easier when you're either a student in a promising profession

I disagree, based on what I've seen happen with my classmates at a US medical school. And the residents. It only changes once you are an attending.

At that point, being the kind of guy who wants a significantly younger wife becomes a far more tractable problem

AFAICT, it's the only thing that makes it more tractable.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=f2gq66v-hik?si=qPf7eYgMSrUnHAu-

I saw this on Broadway when I was a kid, but I could only find this monologue on YouTube from a high school performance. And while in all honesty I do prefer Broadway, we'll make it to the point with Hunterdon High School. Other than the fact that somehow no one taught this pauvre fille how to say brooch.

I've not been married as long as, and surely not been as good of a husband as, other married Mottizens. But in our lives we've both been on top of the world and been derailed. We've been up and down and over and out and this has taught me that intelligence and talent will win in the end, and that the critical thing is that we've always had each other. We're the constants in each other's lives. Even when you fail professionally your spouse needs to be someone who has faith in your ability to get back on top. We're doing well now, but we could have made it on green glass. And that makes me feel confident and comfortable, because it'll happen again.

Having a job or an education or money will make you more attractive because it is strong evidence of intelligence and dilligence and ambition. But the woman you should marry is a woman who recognizes those things in you and has faith they will express themselves no matter what material circumstances you both face.

How old are you? Where are you based? What existing qualifications do you have? Without that information, you're not getting an informed answer.

  1. I'm in Lviv now, but I'm returning to the US soon. None.

And how old are you? Have you got any existing work experience?

(Oops, sorry, the website formatting messed up the number in my comment.)

Twenty six. Only a few odd jobs.

Bag yourself a wife before you leave.

I've been having no luck lately.

Is your profile picture actually a picture of you? If so, then luck has nothing to do with it.

Is your profile picture actually a picture of you?

Yes, but I shave now.

If so, then luck has nothing to do with it.

Of course, it's a figure of speech.

The website seems to have mangled my post a little lol. I meant to say I'm twenty six, not one.

Depends on what your goals are.

Consider whether you want your wife to be a career woman, whether you want to be very rich, whether you want to have 9 kids, etc. Those goals will probably narrow down which career tracks will allow you to achieve your goals. From there, pick something that you have at least a mild interest in so that youll be less likely to be miserable all day.

I wanted my wife to have the option of being a SAHM, for my family to live a middle class lifestyle, to work reasonable hours so that I could spend time with my future family, and to do work that wasn't soul crushingly boring (to me). So I went into tech, and it's worked out well so far.

If you're just trying to attract a good wife in the first place, then first off, all the usual dating advice that gets posted applies. As regards your job, I think it doesn't matter as much as how women perceive your character and your potential. Women want to feel secure. When I met my future wife, I was working a barely above minimum wage job (in my early 20s, before it became a red flag). But she said she could tell from the beginning that I was a guy with a life plan who was reliable and has his shit together, so she thought I was hot even though I was broke.

Anyway, could you give some examples?

I mean, of course nice things are nice, nobody wants to be poor. But I've always lived pretty frugally. But I assume a woman would probably not want to, so that maybe doesn't even matter anyway.

It completely depends on the woman.

Are you saying it can't be generalized?

Strong agree with all of this.

This is the point at which doing some ‘real world research’ would be useful. Chances are you know or regularly encounter dozens of older men, most of whom are married, most of whom are probably not particularly successful or attractive. But then that depends on your definition of a ‘good wife’.

What do the men married to the women you would consider suitable do? Who are they? This is the first consideration.

A variety of jobs, what's your point?

I have the whole rest of my life to do whatever, but I specifically need to start a family within the next decade or so if I'm to avoid the risks of geriatric pregnancy, unless I marry someone much younger.

Anyway, perhaps it could be somewhat of a tradeoff insofar as it's like, settling into a safe but suboptimal career earlier on as opposed to continuing to explore or trying harder things.

How hard would it be to marry someone much younger, anyway?

Given that you have US residency and spend time in Ukraine, not very.

I've had no luck lately.

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