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I was recently at drinks with colleagues after a work event, when one of the senior directors suggested we all go to a strip club. Actually, two sr. drs were really leading the rally, I was very worried about the stability of my position, and actually wanted to work in one of those Directors' divisions.
Nobody was forced to go, but when I declined, it was public, I was alone, it was to clear disappointment / loss of esteem of people I really depended on being liked by for the sake of my career. It made me upset and uncomfortable that I was even put in that position in a supposedly professional scenario. And hell, I even chewed on just saying yes, and justifying it for 'career reasons'.
I'm mid thirties and a male. I would not have had the moral fortitude to say no in my early 20s.
I am no shrinking progressive, but Me Too was right to figure out that a binary statement of consent are not enough to classify sexual misconduct by. People defending that line looked like foolish idealistic hippy liberals.
Hot take: you should've went to the strip club and your superiors were correct in losing esteem for you and being disappointing.
Same logic applies if they asked to go duck hunting or kayaking.
No one should be that pressured to go to shitty corporate social events that they have no interest in. I don't mean to say shame on any boss who wants to do something fun with their subordinates, but the expectation that you go, even if it's something you dislike? Or doing something you might have moral reservations against, as with strip clubs or hunting? And all this to the point of potentially facing genuine consequences to your future prospects if you have the balls to refuse?
As someone who hates alcohol and everything surrounding it, I'm glad this culture is dying, because these things sound like my personal idea of hell. For god's sake, just let me do my job instead of going to a bar during my own free time, please. These events aren't about everyone having a good time, they're about the boss having a good time, and everyone else is partaking in a brown-nosing competition if they don't coincidentally happen to enjoy whatever activity is settled upon.
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"Should", what he "should" have done depends rather heavily on desired outcomes.
Personally I think he did good by showing some spine, toadying is bad for the soul.
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Of course. And I'm not making a point about the objective morality of strip clubs or whether the folks I was among did anything wrong.
My story is simply an example of where 'they said yes, what's the problem' is far to binary to be a discussion ending heuristic.
Pressure to be liked / career advancement / social belonging (and yes drinks) , etc can all mitigate a yes enough that the person doing the asking should not have brought it up and did something wrong for some spectrum of degree.
If Louis says 'can I show you my penis'...
on a date after the girl invited him up vs
in a dressing room while on the road with an upcoming comedianne who wasn't expecting any sexual advances
vs to a young saleswomen on a call who just confessed that she needs his business to hit her quota.
These are three different scenarios where acting on a no is certainly worse than on a yes... But a yes doesn't blanket make them all the same and make it ok for Louis to ask in the first place.
But surely that has to be part of the point, or else we are veering dangerously close to /r/antiwork "my boss is abusing me by threatening to fire me if I don't show up for work" territory.
I don't think so? For instance, if your boss asks you if he can give you $1000, it's still problematic. Getting financial support from a supervisor may be bad for you emotionally for various reasons, even though it's very hard to see it as morally bad. So I think there's a strong point that the argument holds regardless of the moral quality of the act in itself.
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