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naraburns  nihil supernum  2yr ago (text post)   4354 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for November 16, 2022

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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I was indecently exposed to the other night. A man in a van pulled up beside me, got my attention, and was jacking off and recording me. I'm not broken up about it, but it is affecting me more than I would predict if you asked me before it happened. Have any of you been the victims of similar crimes, and is there anything you can do to stop thinking about it? I think time is probably the best remedy here, but just thought I'd ask.

A fat teenage boy tried to sell me a blowjob, and then just grabbed my crotch when he realized that telling me that he gave straight men blowjobs all the time wasn't working. I smacked his hand away and he left me alone. Like you, this freaked me out more than I would have expected it to, but only for the rest of the day or so. I didn't really do anything special to take my mind off it.

Yeah. No advice, sorry, it just didn't have an impact on me. I'm a guy though so it might be different (even though I was a child at the time).

The general advice to stop thinking about things is to focus on something else and allow time to pass.

Not directly related to your feelings, but did you get a partial plate number or an ID of the van? These guys always make it a habit, and a few people giving the same description might help the police put the fear of God into him. Which in turn might make you feel better.

Part of my experience was him driving by me multiple times trying to get my attention (back and forth, making at least three U-turns). The last time he drove by (the time after he got my attention) I had my phone out and recording. Unfortunately my camera work was bad and it was dark. I did get one salvageable frame of the his plate, but I can only faintly make out two characters, and I'm not certain they're correct. I did file a police report, but they weren't hopeful, and didn't even ask for my picture, though I did show it to the officer.

NExt time, don't film, try to snap photos with a flash. More likely to work.

If God forbid this happens to you again, do you think you'll be prepared to respond appropriately? I wonder how much of your remnant stress is a subconscious feeling of helplessness.

For example, maybe a holistic consideration of your life circumstances indicates that it may be beneficial to start conceal carrying. I'd obviously advise against shooting a pervert unless your life is in danger, but the mere fact that you are armed may make non-lethal aggressions feel more manageable and with you more in mental control.

Not been in the exact situ, but have had some where there's a sexual-related violation that I would have assumed I'd shake off in an hour or three and definitely didn't. Seems to be a pattern in the human brain, the conscious/sober/non-sexual mind underestimates the strength of both positive and negative sexual situations on us.

Time is def a necessary part of getting past it here. Just to give my experience - I'd give it five days of feeling pretty weird about it when you remember it + also remembering it fairly often. If it still bothers you more than occasionally past that you might need more help from friends or whatever resources you can tap into. It's what I've found it takes for me.

I'm sorry, what an awful experience 🤮 I haven't been in that exact situation but some like it. It is upsetting to be disrespected in such a violating manner and to feel vulnerable to perverts while out and about. I don't have any advice, just commiseration.

Thank you.

I wonder what Camille Paglia would have done. She said her Sicilian habit of slapping people who touched her ass without permission has worked very well for her in her younger years.

Kinda. Not indecent exposure, but one time I was driving around with my windows down and some guys stopped next to me at a light, then yelled "lose some weight, asshole" before driving off. Which left me half mad, half wondering if they were stupid enough to think that it never occurred to me "oh hey I should lose weight".

But like you said, time is the remedy. It'll probably bug you for a bit, but after a while it won't even register.

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