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Wellness Wednesday for January 29, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Horniness is best modeled as declining linearly from relationship debut. Like baseball pitcher velocity.

Is it?

Married 20 years this year, no real decline yet.

Yes, that's my opinion. I'm not going to get into an argument with you about how often you make love to your wife, or the raw hormonal horniness underlying it, especially as the two are both obviously separate and almost impossible to parse.

That was actually a very helpful analogy. I think?

So in a healthy relationship, you might start the game throwing 96. Coach will leave you in in the 8th, throwing in the high 80s, so you can get the shutout. But in OPs case he's getting pulled in the third because he made the start hanging balls over the plate, and has loaded the bases with zero outs.

I think I still don't understand exactly what slope of decline is the normal range, but in this case I guess it doesn't matter because the starting intercept is zero.

Moreso a joke about aging curves in baseball.

A 22 year old Dominican flamethrower who sits at 96 and can reach for 100 in a big spot, at 28 he's probably sitting 93 and can still reach for 97 when he needs it, and at 33 his fastball is 90-91 and if he's serviceable at all it's by learning to rely on location and clever breaking balls to trick hitters rather than blowing by them with raw stuff. He might actually peak as a pitcher in quality at 27, when he's got the best mix of velocity and experience, and he might keep pitching to 35, but almost never will he add velocity in his career.

A 24 year old clever college lefty who debuts with a fastball that never breaks 92 and starts by relying on tricking hitters, at 32 he is going to be sitting at 86 and throwing batting practice. He started by sneaking by, and pretty soon there just isn't enough there to work with.

To return to relationships, if you meet your partner and start making love, you're never going to exceed the raw attraction and numbers you had then. There's no trick to it, you're just never going to be as horny for each other as you were then. The sex might get better over time in quality, but sheer desire will never exceed the start.

And if you started at fucking twice a day every day can't get enough of each other, then ten years down the road the decline will still keep you at a place where experience and tricks can carry you. Where if you started at "meh I guess if it's convenient" the decline quickly leaves you at zero. You're almost never going to add attraction during the course of the relationship.

Where if you started at "meh I guess if it's convenient" the decline quickly leaves you at zero. You're almost never going to add attraction during the course of the relationship.

Pretty much. I didn't find an increase in attraction, but the sex (when we had it) did get better due to comfort and experience.

I think I still don't understand exactly what slope of decline is the normal range, but in this case I guess it doesn't matter because the starting intercept is zero.

It's gender dependent, though highly variable. As a relationship ages, women tend to lose interest in sex more than men. That's why lesbian bed death happens.

Even at the beginning of a relationship, men tend to initiate sex most of the time. As the relationship goes on, this becomes more like all the time. Since OP isn't attracted to his partner, this is why the sex is zero.

Obviously, everyone is different and there's some small percent of women are who extremely horny. That presents other problems though.

[Insert Performance Enhancing Drugs joke]