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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   1534 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for January 24, 2025

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Want to read an interesting wiki bio?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Paul_Jones

I feel like you could take almost any paragraph of that and it makes an interesting story. People just don't live like that anymore!

  • started his career at the age of 13, on a slave ship
  • after a few years, started to feel bad about the whole slavery thing and suddenly resigned while in Jamaica
  • Started a new career on a normal ship from a lower position, but instantly got promoted to captain (at age 21) because the captain and first mate died
  • "This came to an end, however, when he killed a mutinous crew member with a sword in a dispute over wages." Flees to America
  • Somehow makes friends with the Continental Congress and is given command of a ship
  • Leads a raid on his own hometown. Raid fails because they ran out of lantern fuel, went to a pub to get more, and "the temptation to stop for a quick drink led to a further delay"
  • Goes to plunder some nearby Earl instead
  • Gets given a larger ship as a reward. Famous battle ensues. Probably didn't really say the quote that's famous for, but it's a good story nonetheless.
  • War ends, the US can't afford a navy anymore, so Jones has nothing to do. Goes to Russia instead, and is instantly promoted to admiral despite not speaking any Russian
  • Somehow defeats a larger Turkish fleet despite the crappy Russian fleet and his translation issues
  • Sneaky Prince Potemkin steals all the credit from Jones. He loses his job again.
  • He gets accused of raping a 10-year-old girl.
  • Catherine the Great personally intervenes to make sure the trial goes forward
  • Jones tries to defend himself by saying that he thought she was 12, not 10, that he had paid her but not raped her, and that the girl's mother "lived in a brothel, and was herself promiscuous." Not the best defense there by modern standards Jones...
  • After that he really can't get a job, so he makes money by publishing his memoirs. James Fenimoore Cooper and Alexandre Dumas both write adventure novels based on his life.
  • Died in a random French cemetary, unknown and forgotten
  • But... luckily (?) some random French guy paid to have his body mummified
  • In 1905 a French general spends 6 years tracking down his body and eventually finds it.
  • His body is exhumed, placed in an elaborate sarcophagus, and now rests in the US Naval Academy
  • FDR tries to write a screenplay about his life, but it's rejected by Hollywood. I didn't know that FDR wrote screenplays...

Just a wild life from start to finish. I liked this quote from his biography summarizing him:

"In sum, Jones was a sailor of indomitable courage, of strong will, and of great ability in his chosen career. On the other side of the coin, it must be admitted that he was also a hypocrite, a brawler, a rake, and a professional and social climber. Although these elements of his character do not detract from his feats at sea, they do, perhaps, cast in doubt his eligibility for a prominent place in the ranks of America's immortals."

And now, in song form.

I feel like you should mention, he was 45 when he died.

45! He did all that in only 32 years! Incredible.

Yeah, that's true. Talk about living a fast life.

worst mummy's curse ever

Named after a different Jones. But yeah..

What's even more amazing is that he went back to England and ended his career as a rock musician, playing bass and occasional keyboard for Led Zeppelin. This wasn't entirely without precedent, however, as Booker T. Washington had recently had his own career revival as a soul musician, having a series of hits with the Stax record label with backing band the MGs. Remarkable men both.

Not entirely a coincidence, since that guy took his stage name after getting inspried by a 1959 movie about the historical John Paul Jones.

What's even more amazing is that he went back to England and ended his career as a rock musician, playing bass and occasional keyboard for Led Zeppelin.

And don’t forget Them Crooked Vultures!

This wasn't entirely without precedent, however, as Booker T. Washington had recently had his own career revival as a soul musician, having a series of hits with the Stax record label with backing band the MGs. Remarkable men both.

Wasn't he a professional wrestler as well, back when Bischoff ran WCW?

Yes, but to my knowledge, John Paul Jones never wrestled, so that didn't seem relevant. The move from music to wrestling isn't unprecedented either, with Sid Vicious taking up the sport after getting kicked out of the Sex Pistols. As an aside when Sandra Bullock was married to Jesse James I didn't know who that was and just assumed she was married to Road Dogg Jesse James, who had a second act himself as tight end for the Steelers. Currently experiencing a second act is Cam Ward, who decided to try his hand at football with the Miami Hurricanes after a long career as goaltender for the Carolina Hurricanes.

Sid Vicious taking up the sport after getting kicked out of the Sex Pistols.

And the two of them actually fought! https://youtube.com/watch?v=-PyD_2HcowU

Speaking of wrestler musicians, we can't forget Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner, known for his distinctive face paint.

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