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We 'waited' seven years. We'd likely have more than 4 if we started earlier. My wife was trying for a top decile career.
Not blue tribe in any sense.
....Why? Is it really impossible to have children and be a lawyer or a doctor or what have you?
It's just mindboggling that people actually do this.
@hyrdoacetylene
Can you share your most commonly seen models of family formation and early child rearing where you are? Genuine question / curiosity.
People don’t marry when they don’t intend to have children fairly quickly. They might date ‘for fun’ but not ‘seriously’ up until that point. The woman’s parents can veto a prospective groom; family goes to the wedding along with a few close friends. When the woman’s father begins referring to them as ‘engaged’ is an inflection point in the relationship that comes well before the actual proposal, or even the prospective groom speaking to him about it. If the couple has a ‘church home’ that’s where they marry, if they don’t then they marry outdoors with a clergyman in someone’s extended social circle officiating, the denomination is irrelevant, using classic Christian vows and following a brief prayer service- even if they only go to church a couple of times a year. The bride’s parents would not allow the wedding if they didn’t think both parties meant every word of their vows. Child free weddings are not a thing, and the reception afterwards allows considerable latitude for teenagers and older children to do things normally not allowed on account of age(eg sneak a few beers, stay up very late). There is a dance floor and some toasting, it’s normal to get a bit tipsy. The maid of honor catches the bouquet and the garter is caught by a photogenic preadolescent boy.
Babies come quickly after marriage. It’s not a sin to marry poor or have babies poor, it is a sin to neglect them. The grandparents are very involved and usually a young couple has a female relative come stay to help for a few weeks after the first and second baby. Not having at least two is weird. It’s ideal for a woman to stay home until her youngest is at least out of diapers, or maybe in elementary school if she can swing it, but if not childcare from relatives or on the market has to do. The children have to come before the parents’ wants or ambitions, and it weighing heavier on the woman is just the way the world works.
It would be better if people could marry young, but they are no longer as wise, selfless, mature, and virtuous as they were in the fifties, and particularly young men take longer to grow up these days. Some of that’s their fault and some of it isn’t. It is normal for parents and grandparents to provide extra help to try to overcome this by co-signing loans or making gifts, to try to get around the socioeconomic factors like high housing costs. An elder who cannot see when doing this is destructive rather than constructive has a serious character flaw for co-signing on a corvette purchase or giving money to a wastrel who will lose it sports betting or what have you. Most women will not accept a large age gap, so people are into their twenties before they marry.
That’s more or less a description of the extended branches of my extended family doing things.
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It's not impossible. It is hard. I have one kid. I am a programmer, so work in male dominated environments. There was no work support for a lactating mother. Fortunately I was senior so had flexibility in schedule and an office. But I had to pump every 2 hours. I could do that because my job allowed for it. A litigator would have had a much harder time. I could bail on work for random sick or injured kid needs (spouse work wasn't as flexible). When we had a childcare problem, my 4 yr old spent a month at work with me, hanging out under my desk until I got it sorted. Doctors or lawyers would likely have had a harder time with that. These things are the sorts of things that kill a woman's career. I could struggle through with one. More than one? Unlikely. I could struggle through as a senior in a flexible career. Not a senior or in a less flexible career? Unlikely. If my spouse had had a less demanding career and was able to be more helpful it would have been easier, but in my experience women with excellent career options tend to be married to men with equivalent or better options.
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I'm not going to say it's impossible, but there wasn't an abundance of successful examples.
Despite the efforts to reduce the working hours of junior doctors, it's still alot of work frequently at odd hours. If the program has an academic commitment or requirement this is often on-top.
We were fortunate that there was no school debt.
We were also fortunate to have a very easy time conceiving.
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