Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
What adaptations have you made for your spouse?
For example, my wife and I went to the family place at the beach this weekend. My wife hates traveling, factually. She always wants to go home early, even on a short trip. She's a homebody.
I also can't sleep in. So, even though per the username running isn't my thing, when we go to the shore, I wake up at 5am and I run/walk at least fifteen miles. I put in a podcast or an audiobook, I head out before sunrise, I enjoy the quiet and the breeze and the waves, I finish up and hop in the water, and by then she's awake and we go get coffee and...go for a walk, because that's what we do. I get in a whole event before she wakes up. That way if she wants to leave early afternoon instead of hanging out and leaving at night, I feel like I still got in a full day of "shore."
What have you done to work around your spouse's foibles?
My husband and I headed off a lot of potential conflict by writing our own marriage contract (nothing legal, more like a "memorandum of understanding" of what's important to us). One of the most useful agreements is that besides a shared bank account, we'd each have our own separate accounts. That saved a lot of problems: I can go into a used book store and come out with a stack, and he can order whatever esoteric electronic gadgets as he wants for his latest bike-improvement project, and no discussion need occur.
The biggest though didn't make it into the memo, but fortunately happened anyway: we have separate toilet rooms. Separate toilet rooms save marriages.
More options
Context Copy link
My wife has raccoon and squirrel genes, I swear. Or just mild OCD.
First, she washes everything like it's been covered in mud and refuses to use a salad spinner. She claims to make a mean stir-fry, but it's not a stir-fry when everything is steaming in its own wetness. I gave up and toss only new stew-like recipes her way. If I want to put some browning on something I just wait until she's away and cook it myself.
Second, she has the world's biggest strategic supply of cleaning supplies and paper towels she doesn't know the size of. I tried to police this behavior and force her to use it up, but I now simply notice when it starts to spill over from the assigned cupboard into other storage spaces and demand she stop buy stuff until it fits again.
Oh, and the biggest one was probably her daily shopping habits, but that was a long time ago. I come from a relatively affluent family, while she comes from a struggling one. However, I grew up a penny pincher that derived certain pleasure from optimizing every single purchase. She, on the other hand, would shop around only for expensive purchases, but would just put food she liked into her cart. We had more than a few huffing and pouting matches, I threatened to put her on a monthly spending budget, but in the end I ended up setting up a daily recurring payment to her card that functions as a soft limit: I will top it up if she runs out of money at the till, but she has to call me for that. She has started noticing at least some of the prices, which is good enough for me.
I wonder what her answer to this question would be.
More options
Context Copy link
My wife is constantly leaving her shit in the bed when she goes to sleep, because she refuses to admit that she's tired and will fall asleep in approximately five minutes. So when I go to bed (an hour or two later than her), I take her phone and glasses and set them on the nightstand so they don't get lost.
She also has a fear of the cupboards being left open, because "a spider might get in". So she really gets upset if I leave the cupboards open by mistake, and I had to learn to make sure they are always closed when I go in them for something. That one isn't as bad because I really should close the cupboards anyway even if it has nothing to do with spiders.
But so it goes. Nobody is perfect, and I love her so I do these things even if I sigh and shake my head a bit sometimes. I am sure she does similar things for me, although I'm not brave/foolish enough to ask what exactly my annoying habits are.
I feel intense guilt when my wife visits her parents. I tore her away from their traditions. I'm a 5am person, her parents don't wake up until around ten. Over years of sleeping together, my wife now wakes up between six and seven. My wife can barely get along with her family on a visit anymore, she's up at 730 after sleeping in and she's tearing her hair out by the time they're up.
5am?! I am glad you're not my spouse, I would get like three hours of sleep. With proper blackout curtains I can sleep in to an extreme degree. I was alone in the flat on a weekend one time and only woke up when my wife called me to tell they were leaving the summer cabin. That was... 4pm, I think? I try not to do this, because my sleeping schedule goes out of whack (maybe I should give the old 320 a try), so I will try to get up at around 11 on a weekend. My wife's up at around 9:30.
My grandpa was a morning person, though. On a Saturday he would wake up at 7, have a leisurely shower, shave, breakfast and then start our old Soviet vacuum cleaner that sounded like a jumbo jet to
wake the rest of us useless lazybones upbe done with the chores as quickly as possible.More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
My wife loves shopping, whereas even stepping foot in a mall basically saps me of the will to live. So I usually have my ebook on hand and plop down on the nearest bench to wait. Kinda lame but that way she can take all the time she wants and then we can go eat together afterwards or whatever. The alternative of shopping together makes her want to leave early because I'm such a downer. But unless I have an objective, browsing around really doesn't do it for me.
The husband couch is one of those things that most malls/stores have for a reason. They know, lol.
I feel like more and more malls/stores have removed those benches/couches. I guess to deter loiterers? But it sucks, there's just no chance to rest. Makes me want to leave instantly.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
I walked into a mall with my partner recently and got slammed with people trying to sign me up for services/charities what have you. I hate those places. I'm one of those downer guys though and she complains she can't take me shopping because I always want to leave early. Like why would you spend your time there if you don't already know what you're going to purchase?
Though It does makes me realise how different I am to the average man, when I see the other mall denizens shambling around.
The aggressive sign-up/sales people are the worst. Just doing their jobs obviously but it makes just walking around annoying.
You'd think the mall management wouldn't allow people to harass shoppers, because this would lead to more people shopping from home to avoid them > less mall customers > stores closing > death spiral for mall.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
I don't think you actually are. Most men that I've ever known are like what you described. When we go shopping it's like a beautiful surgical strike: get in, get the thing, get out in 10 minutes flat. When I see men just milling about the mall it's almost always because they're there with a woman.
Honestly, men are just plain better at shopping than women. Even when just browsing around, we get shit done. When I was a teenager I went to the mall of America with a (male) friend and two girls. In the 2-3 hours we were there, my friend and I checked out every single store we wanted to see, got some ice cream, and even rode the little roller coaster they had. Meanwhile the girls had covered 1/3 of the mall or so. And it's like that every time I've compared the shopping habits of men and women.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
Last time we took a mall trip, my wife loves shopping but she's also a bizarre raccoon who will spend all day walking through stores, not buy anything, then go home and try to find the things she looked at second hand across the internet. Typically, I do the same thing you do and read a book as I follow her around. I don't mind following her around, reading, carrying bags, paying for things. But I absolutely drew the line when she asked me to take notes on sizes and styles. That was too far for me.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link