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naraburns  nihil supernum  2yr ago (text post)   4097 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for October 9, 2022

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Has anyone else noticed how, well, schlubby other men in their 30s are?

I'm not particularly fit, nor was I exceptionally handsome in my 20s. But the amount of guys who are halfway to bald, wear a ratty t-shirt everywhere and have a beer belly you could sit an actual beer on is astounding. All of these things are controllable (there are those will who go bald completely even with the total minoxidil/rollers/finasteride, but those are smaller numbers than those who just don't bother), and yet the number of fat, underdressed, balding middle-class white-collar professional guys in their 30s - compared to the same for women - seems absurdly high.

I was attractive in my 20s because I hit the gym a lot. A nice face and a ripped body made it easy to meet women. Post a motorcycle accident big weights are risky for me, so I swim or use an exercise bike instead, keeping myself reasonably trim and fit. I use hair loss products which have slowed my hair loss to a crawl and restored some of what I initially lost, returning me to a 'slightly high widow's peak' situation. I spend a few hundred bucks a year to ensure my wardrobe is updated and I look okay when I leave the house.

I'm not looking for accolades, as I don't feel like I do much beyond the absolute bare minimum, but I'm curious if my experiences are more 'my corner of Australia' or whether they're more universal. It definitely feels like beyond the whole 'wall' meme for women, men are the ones hitting unattractiveness faster. Not intrinsically, but because they're doing nothing to slow or mitigate the signs of aging. I definitely feel like your average 35-year old man is less attractive than a 45-year old who has worked to keep his hair and stay in good shape.

Does this track with anyone else?

I think this depends a lot on your circle of acquaintances. Where I work there are maybe one or two fat men out of like... 50 people. And even then I wouldn't really considered them fat or out of shape, they can lift and carry as well as anyone else, so it's more like they're just big. On the other hand, ratty t-shirts are not unpopular and general standards of hygiene are low. Thinking about my own circle of friends, there are guys that have let themselves go, but most of the people I know engage in regular exercise.

I was attractive in my 20s because I hit the gym a lot.

Most people in the average gym, and most people who engage in regular exercise don't end up looking like fitness models. I know people who play tennis or squash regularly, or who go to the gym, or whatever, and they just look... normal. And when you consider spending what, 90 minutes in the gym every day plus travel time, yeah, that doesn't sound like that great a tradeoff for the below-average man to reach average.

I use hair loss products which have slowed my hair loss to a crawl and restored some of what I initially lost, returning me to a 'slightly high widow's peak' situation.

I've always been suspicious of finasteride since I was prescribed it to prevent morning wood.

Yes, "other" men ... (wince)

Welcome to the obesity epidemic. I'm definitely schlubby, it takes more and more willpower just to barely stay in the "normal" BMI range ... and in the USA that puts me at about the 25th percentile. Three quarters of my peers here are even worse.

I think "underdressed" is a real thing too. Though I can't quantify this one, I get the impression that the dot-com boom basically broke business attire standards for good and the fallout has spread into other contexts. At the low end of the totem pole you had companies having to hire and respect random kids in crude joke T-shirts just to keep their IT up to date, at the high end you had Apple going from circling the drain to a trillion dollar valuation thanks to a guy in jeans and a turtleneck. Great news if you hated wearing a colorful noose every day, not so great if you don't care about fashion and benefited from having a simple set of standards you could follow.

Hair, I haven't actually noticed getting worse in general.

RE: Business attire standards

Casual dress standards look better on fit people and do less to help cover up for out of shape guys. After all, T shirts were originally (circa Brando in Streetcar and Dean in Rebel) regarded as men's undergarments. A t shirt that fits shows muscular forearms, biceps, shoulders, chest; one that doesn't is just a baggy mess that makes you look pudgy or skinny regardless. A tailored structured suit jacket puts emphasis on the shoulders and slims the waist, creating a triangular figure where there might not be one. The weight of the fabric covers up a slight paunch, vests help too. Lapels and spread collars draw the eyes up to the face and frame it, while creating a visual look again of wider shoulders and narrower waist.

The further you are from the ideal male body type (think Michaelangelo's David or Bearded Hercules at the Met) the more you benefit from structured clothing that bulks up an emaciated frame or shapes a pudgy one.

My hair was thinning badly in my 20s so I just started shaving bald. Otherwise I lift and run and follow a diet and select form fitting clothes.

Not that worried about not having hair. A lot of Hollywood actors pull it off just fine.

I do feel that most of the men I know personally have let themselves go, though. Not sure what to make of that. I wouldn't say I'm doing the bare minimum but I do find the general succumbing to decrepitude and laziness mildly alarming.

Definitely true for the professional classes. It's weird how among workers far more women are sloppy and obese, whereas as soon as you make over a hundred k a year it reverses.

I'm tempted to blame booze; I know a lot of fat, balding professional class alcoholics who don't think hammering IPAs while watching Game of Star Capeshit: Infinity Bore all day counts as binge drinking. Whereas most of the working men I know are either ridiculously active or on a slimming meth-based diet.

People who stand up to work have trouble getting fat(as opposed to a few pounds over) before 40. Working class women are far more likely to sit down at work than men, while professional class women have the reverse(even secretaries are up and running errands pretty regularly).

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