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tl;dr - Went to Pai, did drugs, met a girl, didn't have sex, and I think I really like her.
I've been in Chiang Mai for over a month to work on a startup. My co-founder and I decided to pursue separate aspects of the business, with me focusing on code generation and broader AI stuff. I won't divulge more until I have something concrete to show. This left me with some free time, so I started visiting nightclubs to improve my PUA skills. While I didn't pull any girls, I made some progress.
I met this guy from my hometown in India who, in hindsight, was a total creep and loser. He suggested I go to Pai for more parties. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, so I was hesitant, but my co-founder convinced me. I planned to stay for a day but ended up staying for six.
In Pai, I made some great friends. There was Alessio, a 35-year-old Italian songwriter traveling for seven months, and Dario, a Spanish guy a year younger than me who loves partying. I approached many girls, tried shrooms, and even had girls come back to my place. In the midst of this, I met a girl who changed everything.
She's my age, owns a house, and works as a programmer specializing in RPA. She's around 5'9 and in great shape. People who know me might remember my 2021 March incident, where a girl I was obsessed with ended up with other guys. Up until last week, I was still hung up on her, but this British girl changed that.
My Italian friend said hi to one of her friends at a pizza shop, and I started chatting with her other friends in the kitchen, where I first met her. We bumped into each other many times on Walking Street and later at a bar. She told me she wanted to shag me at first but changed her mind after I opened my mouth, saying I was too much of an asshole and trying too hard. I left, and she started making out with another guy. I went to another place, and she ended up there too, dancing with me.
At one point, she sat on my face while I was sitting on the bleachers. I made some jokes about mutual oral sex, and she stopped, saying it wasn't happening. I left and later told her to fuck herself when I saw her again.
I saw her the next day but didn't say a word. The day after, we exchanged glances, and I went on my first-ever date. We kissed goodbye as she had a flight the next morning, while I stayed for two more days.
I fucked up. I should have eaten her out when she asked, and we would have had sex. I've never been teased this much by a girl. I want to meet her again. She's in the south of Thailand until the 24th, and if she still wants to fuck me, I'll take the first flight to meet her. I won't make the same mistake as last time. It might seem beta, but I like her. She comes from a humble background and has made a good life for herself. She seemed genuinely happy, and I hope to meet her soon and spend the night with her.
My friends convinced me that if she's into me, it's worth a shot. Maybe she could even be a co-founder since she's good at coding.
Back to Pai
I did drugs in Pai - acid, shrooms, cannabis edibles, nitrous oxide, and even liquor. This was the most fun week of my life. We'd wake up late, explore the beautiful mountains, visit nearby scenic spots, and then get fucked up. One night, I did shrooms with some girls and blacked out, convinced they were going to molest me when we left my room. I had earlier spoken with a German guy about how he would have to leave me back to where I live if I got fucked up. He was making out with this girl, saw me sitting in a balled-up position, and helped me get back home with the girl helping me out too.
I had a guy help me get water at 5 am only for him to later tell me that he passed out next to the river. Or the time we rode scooters to the waterfall where I was high sitting behind my friends, or the time I helped Alessio walk back to his place while we both could barely walk from the edibles in the rain. It felt like something out of a video game.
I have so many stories to tell. I feel happy, after many years, I finally felt happy for more than a few hours. It's more than what I deserved frankly. I left and bumped into these Norwegian girls who did a bar crawl. Overall, I am happy, I hope you guys are too.
I want to visit Pai again, maybe in the future once my startup stuff pans out, perhaps I can convince some of the friends I made there to travel once again. I feel a warm glow even describing the things I did there. This was the first time in my life where I traveled alone and did drugs. Pai is magical. Cheap, clean, small, safe, only tourists all around you, mountains all around you.
See ya folks later.
This is... not how to talk to women. Not ever. Not women that tease you, not women that frustrate you, not anyone. You'll give every woman the ick.
Yeah, please do tell me what I did wrong. I am being completely sincere in this since she was dragging me to eat her out.
I was wrong hence the question.
Not trying to be an ass here. But I have been on the desired side of many interactions with women--meaning I was the one who was pursued, or, more accurately, I was the one who was wanted, who was desired. In states both drunk and sober. And I have never ever been "dragged to eat out" a woman. Even in the the most sweaty, unclothed chaleur du moment, I have never had a woman make such a suggestion--maybe they are just more aggressive in Pai, but I somehow can't even imagine it. I cannot imagine the words, the body language, or the context for how such a request might be communicated, in particular outside a really intimate encounter with someone known well. "Just kiss me already," sure.
I say this not to suggest that this girl wasn't attracted to you for maybe she was (though even if she was, that doesn't mean she still would be, or ever will be again). But maybe there's something in ketamine and whatever else that skews your perceptions? Something to think on.
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It sounds like you just have a very unhealthy view towards women, friend. You see them as beneath you and objects to use for sex.
I know that this is a common leftist talking point, and I'm generally more conservative, but they have a point. Women are to be cherished and loved, not used and gamed for physical pleasure. They can smell your intentions.
I don't see them as people beneath me. There are some people who get to enjoy the company of various women in a short duration of time in their youth and I wish to be one of them. If I meet a girl who I find attractive and wish to engage with, I try to do so in a respectful manner that's playful and not at all leech like or creepy.
I like women. I like meeting them, seeing them smile, make jokes and the entire experience. At a point in my life I was certainly someone who did see them in a wrong way but I'm different now.
That sounds like sex with euphemisms.
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As another poster pointed out, the language you use to the describe them, and apparently the way you talk to them, convinces me that you still see women in a negative light, even if it's unconscious.
I would recommend praying to a motherly goddess and asking for revelation, but I'm a weirdo. Can also try to get female friends that you swear to never date, and be vulnerable in asking them for advice.
The main diety for my clan is a female goddess who is the divine mother.
I never noticed it came off like this, I used to be too much of a wuss so maybe I overcompensated here.
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For a guy who does not drink or do drugs, you did a hell of a lot of drugs. Let this be my only warning: That kind of high is not long-term. It is a dragon you chase.
The rest of your post weaves a bit much into an account of events that I cannot parse well enough to comment on. Being happy is good, I suppose. But the words "warm glow" and "magical" and the like do not suggest sustainability. How's the business?
I am finally out of the limbo and will start pushing updates.
I met a girl who I actually like. I did not end up fucking her and she is in the south of thailand till the 24th before she flies out so I may fly to meet her if I think she is into me.
I made an infamous post back in 2021 where I fucked up by not meeting a girl I liked then, I do not wanna do that now.
I loved the drugs. I should have tried a higher dose of both acid and shrooms and also done ketamine. Just lacked the money. I see this as one off experiences and not a lifestyle thing anyway.
Right. I would never do any of those drugs that you mention in any dosage, but I suppose you have a sense of what you want and can withstand. I do not know of the infamy of your posts, but that's fine, I don't need to.
Just based on your posts today, I might avoid the trap of thinking any sort of sexual interaction seals the deal in terms of affection--it doesn't. In fact it isn't a measure of much at all, in and of itself. The everything that comes before and after are much more relevant.
I've read you using PUA terms and having a very casual terminology regarding women ("oneitis" etc.) and this gives me considerable pause. Women/a woman is not the answer to all of your problems, nor is doing a bunch of drugs. This may already be clear to you, of course.
This is something I fear, I finally liked a girl for real after a while and there is a very high chance that she will not like me back or it wont work out. I really want it to. It seems cheesy and something out of the movies to rush to meet some girl I have not even slept with hoping that she will like me. She finds me sexually attractive but I think that I am extremely unattractive so I do have some issues there as well.
Oneitis is a fairly benign term. You are correct in pointing out how women are not the answer to all my problems. I fear that I look at them as a crutch so that I can avoid solving actual active problems that are harder to tackle. I have a constant ever-present fear that I am not smart/hardworking enough to ever amount to anything at all. The only ways around this would be actually doing things well (startup stuff in my case), working on my past trauma through some modality and learning to manage my issues more actively.
In ways but constructive feedback helps me a lot.
Are you seeking constructive feedback to get laid or to be attractive to other people? Your entire focus of your opening post was about how drugs liberated you into being this new person you never knew you could be, and you are upset that you didn't get to fuck a girl. The fact that you frame this in terms of sexual satiation rather than self actualization indicates a massive disparity in your intended presentation versus your explicated priorities.
Be honest first with yourself about what you want. The utility of asking contextless externals is an independent recommendation based on stated preferred outcomes against current practices. If your presentation doesn't pass the sniff test to the externals, then literally nothing constructive can be said because subjective interpretations of the presented events are what the externals are working off of.
As it stands, I must highlight the likely disparity between your interpretation and reality. PUA language is remarkably good at leading practitioners to infer intent where none exists and to externalize blame for unrealized (and usually unrealizable) outcomes. Mistaking being friendly with being down to fuck is a remarkably consistent behavioral maladaptation with members of the (sigh) seduction community because genial friendly interactions map cleanly into the first stages of the pickup macro.
Requesting sanity checks from this forum is one thing, but perhaps an after action report from (literally) sober observers would be more helpful. Knowing whether one had a real connection or if one was divining meaning out of errata is a key part of knowing ones capabilities.
I got hurt before and have acted like a wuss. The Pua stuff helped me avoid those tendencies.
I had to mention the fact that I couldn't sleep with her because for the first time in a while, I felt something for a girl without having even been physical. Rather, first time I felt anything and that too despite not having done anything physical.
I do agree with a lot of what you wrote. I am just lost and I don't know how to move forward. Pickup helped me a lot but I can't see my own internal contradictions which is why I post.
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