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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   28309 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of September 2, 2024

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I'm reminded of this bit Bill Burr used to do before he got married, that he felt he'd just been single too long. He'd just habituated to not taking other people's feelings into consideration. He's been married for ages now, and has two kids, so it's a very old bit. Either from his first or second special I think, when he did a lot more comedy at women's expense.

He was also a lot funnier. Alas.

When I had my own child, I was reminded of someone saying that when you have a child, it's like your heart is now outside your body, and it's terrifying. I felt that immediately. The change from non-parent to parent was more profound than anything else in my life. Graduating college, losing my virginity, getting married, buying a house, the death of my father.

But I wonder if, not unlike Bill Burr who wondered if he'd just become too habituated to ignoring other's feelings, women become too habituated to being the center of attention in their relationships and can't give it up. Because while having a child was the most profound change in my life, it was a subtle change. My life went from trying primarily to take care of my wife, to primarily trying to take care of my daughter with my wife being a close second. For my wife, it went from being the center of attention, even her own, to having to give that all up for an infant.

I say women, because they overwhelmingly are the center of attention in relationships. Virtually every piece of relationship oriented media puts the man in the role of pleasing the woman. Ever step foot in a relationship counselors office and it's much the same. They will tell you to your face that it is their professional opinion that your needs don't matter and you need to sack up and meet your woman's needs if you want to "save" the relationship.

It's a good gig if you can get it, and in a world where Women are Wonderful, it's obvious why they wouldn't give it up for as long as possible, even if that turns out to be too long.

it is their ... opinion that your needs don't matter

It is my opinion that if you ever find yourself telling someone this, you should take a long look in the mirror (assuming that you show up in one).

Thing is, nobody ever gets fired or cancelled or arrested for coming to the defense of a woman, be she deserving or not.

Whereas getting the reputation as the person who thinks women should sacrifice for men sometimes, even if they don't want to, will get you some sidelong glances at best, and fired, cancelled, and possibly arrested at worst.

The change from non-parent to parent was more profound than anything else in my life. Graduating college, losing my virginity, getting married, buying a house, the death of my father.

I think the closest thing is puberty.

As a man, or a boy perhaps, puberty feels like it doesn't count until you finally get laid.

Random question, but are you female? I've noticed that women tend to give a far, far higher signifigance to puberty than men. For most men it's just a few years of aching from growth spurts, getting made fun of when your voice cracks, and constant no reason (and yes reason) boners.

What @5434a said - I'm not talking about the physical changes. I'm talking about a total mental shift on how one sees, e.g., the opposite sex, one's place in the world, all kinds of new feelings and motivations.

You probably don't think "oh wow nothing will ever be the same" in the same way you might after singular discrete events, but nothing will ever. Post puberty you will never be seen the way you were before, and you will never see the world the way you did before, and the change is physically evident and inconcealable in a way that those other changes aren't. Whether we assign it significance or not is moot.

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