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PaperclipPerfector  5mo ago (text post)   4775 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for July 7, 2024

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People of the motte who don't live in your birth country any more - what is that like? I've been curious about the experience of those who make such a significant life change, since it seems like it would be a massive undertaking to uproot oneself in that way. What prompted the move? What have been the biggest challenges? What have been the greatest rewards? Anything which was surprising to you, that you never would have thought to even consider before making the move?

what is that like?

It's a mixed bag, overall I slightly prefer my home country (the US).

What prompted the move?

My wife is native to this country and we wanted to raise our kids bilingual/bicultural.

What have been the biggest challenges?

It's crazy expensive to pay for an overseas family move without moving assistance from the military, your company, etc. I worked a contract job on top of my full time job for about a year to save up enough (my wife is a SAHM).
It's also pretty lonely sometimes. Living abroad is fun when you're young and single and have lots of free time, but as a married family man, it's mostly the same as living back home except I have to deal with laws and social customs that are hard for me to understand. And because I'm no longer a baby faced bright eyed 22 year old but a 30-something year old head of a household it's no longer "cute" when I get confused or make a mistake, so I get cut less slack.

What have been the greatest rewards?

Seeing my kids participate in culture events, festivals, learn traditional songs, become fluent with their own way of speaking in the local language, and more. I think we've done a good job getting them educated and well integrated into this society. Personally I feel like it has scratched my wife and my "I want to live overseas" itch so I can return to the US and not be tormented by what could have been. I've also developed a hobby of making a local alcoholic drinks and pickled vegetables. And gardening, although I guess I could've done that anywhere.

Anything which was surprising to you, that you never would have thought to even consider before making the move?

Many small things, but one major one that stands out is how accepting people have been of me and my half-foreign family despite this country famously being "closed" socially (and having been "closed" historically in a much more literal sense). Local people don't treat me like a tourist because tourists almost never come out here, so I think they assume that I belong here even if they don't know me. It also helps that I have kids in the local school system.

Thanks! I'm guessing from the talk about closure that you are living in Japan?

Yep, living in rural Japan.

I think it depends mostly on where you move. Britain (especially London) is a very easy place to move to from the US, same language, many cultural similarities, huge numbers of Americans in London. I already knew people here before I arrived, which was nice and helped with making friends.

The biggest challenge is loneliness at the start, for sure. Rewards? It’s nice to have a sense of distance. If bad stuff happens, it’s not ‘your’ country, you can detach, if it is your country you feel more anguish. What surprised me? People quite like Americans here, I had expected a pretty cold reception but arrived at the end of the Obama years (which Trump hasn’t much affected) following the Bush-era nadir of the reputation of Americans in Western Europe.

Other stuff I’ve noticed? More attractive men, on average (and less attractive women, particularly outside London). People take life less seriously here, are less ‘sweaty’, which I like. You realize that the ultra-ambitious grindset hustle mindset stuff is common only in the US, elsewhere in the West it’s weird and considered cringe. People work hard, but they don’t think it’s because they’re tough, they just think it’s their job. The US is richer as a result, but at what cost?

Biggest gain?

Like triple the vacation time. I have almost 30 days + public holidays, everyone takes all of it, everyone goes away for 2+ weeks in the summer. If it’s a nice day and work’s not too intense people leave at 4 and get a drink in the sunshine at the pub. I would find it tough to return to NYC working culture now, having to plan cover for vacations 6 months in advance and explain to my boss why I needed 8 days at once lmao.

Thanks! It's kind of interesting that men are more attractive while women are less attractive. I guess I would've guessed that both would go up or down together, but apparently I would have guessed wrong.

Thanks! It's kind of interesting that men are more attractive while women are less attractive.

Speaking as a straight guy, I don't agree that women in the US are more attractive than in the UK. I think straight people (which I assume 2rafa is) often have a slightly distorted view of what the opposite sex actually finds attractive, which is why e.g the female-dominated fashion industry keeps hiring super-thin models, and why so many men try and get as muscular as possible.

The fashion industry doesn’t actually care whether men find their models attractive. Men aren’t making the buying decision.

I think, knowing a few seamstresses, that the real reason for ultra-thin models is that they’re easy to tailor for.

That's fair, but I don't think it changes my argument that most women still probably over-estimate how thin the body types that men find most attractive are. What's probably more accurate to say when it comes to the appearance of fashion models is that they're one of the causes rather than an effect of these distorted perceptions.

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