Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
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I have acted as the Indian Aunty to matchmake/gatekeep for my desi brother (UK born, Indian, Doctor, absolutely shit useless with women), so let me (not) assure you: the Indian aunties in the UK are recommending socially reclused mummys girls whose lives are intertwined with their mothers at the hip, or these girls have run through their address book and are finally willing to accept their parents request for a Nice Indian Boy.
These arent necessarily bad things, the girls tend to not be psychotic, but I will say that the passivity of all the girls is infuriating even for socially functional desi men. Something about the NRI cultural experience demands that the men take the active lead in all aspects, with little feedback mechanism for what constitutes a successful interaction. As the Matchmaker, I have received endless complaints from the mothers about the lack of Interaction from my brother, so if you decide to pursue those paths, do note the pitfall.
On the other hand, their passivity and your relative bargaining power (articulate Good Indian Boy with medical degree) means you can set the tone entirely. Depending on your shamelessness you can use these girls as your mandatory partner in exploring the London gastronomic scene or as sounding boards for your gushing at the wonders of the Bovington tank museum.
Finally, buxom blondes tend to come with uncertain mass distribution curves. Be prepared for disappointment should you make footfall in the West.
Ah, finally someone who knows what I'm talking about.
As I expected really, British Indian girls, especially those born and raised there and not hailing from very orthodox backgrounds have plenty of options for partners, so I consider it mildly suspicious that they'd be looking at the arranged marriage route (there are of course plenty of benign reasons, and the same is true for the men, such as your brother, who is welcome to take dating lessons from me if you haven't already finished up your work as a matchmaker lol).
Since India itself still has it far more normalized, it's not nearly as eyebrow raising should I hear the same story here.
And I can't really complain too much right? My mom was an absolute nerd too, and paid no heed to men until her mom and dad beat her over the head to get married so her younger sister could marry the guy she fell for, now my uncle.
And I do know perfectly decent guys, doctors to boot, who would make acceptable husbands but are totally incompetent or halt and catch fire in the presence of two XX chromosomes.
I have had far better luck in dating seriously back at home, but rest assured there are plenty of Indian girls who wouldn't know how to use initiative if it was their only option in Scrabble, heh.
And as for myself, I am very much not awkward, though this is largely academic since I don't have serious desire to get hitched in the UK right now, especially since I still harbor hopes of going to the States instead (even if I have to repeat my Residency), and I genuinely do not think I am "absolutely shit useless with women", and am suitably thankful since the prognosis is terminal unless Dr. Concerned Family Member intervenes.
Oh boy. I'm really not that kinda asshole, and believe it or not it's my sense of shame that keeps most of my ADHD at bay. But should I ever need someone else with me to visit the Royal Museum of Firearms so I can gush over their collection and get an autograph from Johnathan Ferguson, I will take your advice. If they stick around afterwards, I know they're marriage material ;)
Insert joke about how the taste of their food and the faces of their women compelled the British to conquer the rest of the globe. But don't worry, if she exceeds my 1 rep maximum, and I'm concerned I can't roll her off the bed, I'm not going for it.
I appreciate the advice and your brother is lucky to have you. Make sure he treats you suitably, I think a lot of expensive champagne is good enough, but you might take mercy since you know NHS wages.
Don't make an offer you can't back out of.
Self consciousness is the bane of the Good Studious Asian, and it is impossible to overcome without experience, and it is impossoble to have experience without overcoming it. With the added proviso that the longer you go with no experience the more this albatross hangs over your neck.
My brother is the worst Indian to ever Indian, having never actually stepped foot in the motherland or even speaking a single word of any Indic language He is the ultimate coconut, yet has practically no experience with the fairer sex. Exhortations of 'just be yoursrpf bro' enthusiastically extolled by Indian Ultrachad don't help, nor does 'just learn to settle' from well meaning women help. The desi dating experience in the UK is really one of the most variable ones, and it brings forth madness from any who experience its troughs.
For your sake, your aunty has vetted the prospects as beyond the pits of Indian Despair. Failing which, weird clinginess might follow.
I've done better things for worse people 😉
I suppose in front of the Pearly Gates I can argue I was Good, and definitely Asian, studious? Well, you know I have ADHD. I just manage lol.
But yeah, I know the type. They make for good doctors and decent husbands, they just need a bit of prodding for the latter.
Bruh.
To be nice to the poor guy, this would be a far bigger concern if he was a girl, since even nominally liberal NRIs still hold out in their hearts of hearts for a
slavedoting daughter in law who participates in the rituals and asks them in nice Hindi/Indic language how they'd like their tea in the morning. But it's hardly a deal breaker for men, especially if they're hardworking and competent, and you haven't accused your brother of not being the latter. They can compromise on that front."Just be yourself" my ass, if I was just myself all I'd do was sit around and argue with internet strangers and play video games. Sadly I'm straight and fond of feminine comforts, like ensuring I don't leave the house looking like what the cat dragged in, and so on. And if the "yourself" is quiet and nerdy, well, you're doubly screwed, and thankfully I'm willing to talk ears off if I feel like it, hence psychiatry.
I don't have the temerity to call myself an ultra-Chad, but I punch above my weight class, and know how to do that in a manner that isn't just sidling up to a drunk chick in a club and relying on looking good and dancing well. Better to take advice from someone who once struggled and improved than someone who never had to think with anything but their dick in this regard.
And dating advice from women? He's better off writing his own will, and a death certificate too since he's qualified. You seem more understanding and introspective, but what girls say they want and what they actually want are miles apart in most cases.
Well, at least he has you, you have his best interests at heart and seem to have your head screwed on straight. Just ensure that he marries someone with more emotional intelligence, or I guarantee the kids will be hella autistic. But if they are, well, you know a friendly psychiatrist who will cut you a discount for being a Mottizen. And I can and will talk to the poor guy if needed, just invite me to the wedding so I can get some half decent food and abundant liquor.
Indeed, stated vs revealed preferences often betray a massive discrepancy. Nevertheless these women actually talk to other women, and pretending to at least listen to them is a bare minimum for social interactions.
Truthfully, he, like many anglicized NRIs, suffer from a bias that you yourself betrayed in your earlier statements, which is a strong preference to date outside proximate cultural companions. Even if the girls meet physical descriptors ("fair and lovely"), many indian men are, I find, terrified of the idea that the girl they date may end up like their mother.
(side note: the one major and exceedingly hilarious exception to this observed trend is the NRI communities in Jersey City, who are so far removed from the generic ABCD culture of vague parental agreeableness/overbearing and liking Indian food that other NA NRIs from Flushing to Virginia find the Jersey NRIs incomprehensible.
And before that sparks any interest in yourself, their social experience distance from generic ABCD experiences does not make them less insufferable. Just... just trust me on this one.)
Anyways, it is this specific issue of social experience distance awareness that I find most incomprehensible to the Aunty community, and thus the nice genteel/exhausted pattygoing indian girls who have finally given in are still approaching Indian matchmaking from a totally different perspective. The specific dynamic at play is interpreted differently by the four relevant parties (Fe/Male Prospect (FP/MP) and Matchmaker Fe/Male (MF/MM ) - Ignore the extremely unfortunate acronym - whereby the FP and MP are both viewed by the MF/MM as 'returning to the fold' which includes obeying the unspoken social structures of the NRI experience. By contrast, even if the FP/MP are kissless handholdless Good Indians they have been acculturated in the west, not fully versed in the expectations and more importantly obligations of the NRI cultural sphere. The gormless women have no idea what to expect to begin with (except for 'generic unvocalizable disappointment') but the exhausted partygoers will judge MP with even more harshness than the FM would because their prior expectations still exist even in this new context they ostensibly consented to participating in.
tldr hope that your obligations only require contact with a gormless girl, cause down the other path lies pain.
I'd rather not sleep on the town mattress, even if I'm not particularly judgemental. Just had things breakdown with a med student who turns out to have an unfortunate habit of getting frisky when she's drunk, and not necessarily with me.
I appreciate the insight from one so wise in the ways of matrimony, may one of the one lakh and change gods and goddesses we have bless you for your advice.
And frankly, you're putting me off the whole thing. Well, not entirely, but I was never too keen to head down the arranged marriage route, and now I'll actively avoid it. Well, even more actively than I'm doing now. There's always the Import Unspoiled Girl From The Old Country route (🤢).
No mommy issues here, even if I prefer older women for their emotional maturity. I'd be tickled pink if one of them was like my mom! In non-Freudian ways, she's a sweetheart ❤️.
And where's your mom in all this? Surely she must be pulling her weight, or is everything being left on your capable shoulders?
Import an indian girl from the old country once you get your green card. Get that 1m dowry and a downpayment on a Loudon County white picket fence. Chances are she'll be moderately westernized herself past the point of gormless insufferability. Don't trust the aunties, deep down they're hoping any match they find for you is a proxy for their own daughter.
As for the attempts of the aunty network, it has all been failures. The girls have ranged from fully-passing halfies to 8/10 modern elites to tradwife factory template to the leavings of ultrachad, and all have rejected the match. My boy has flamed out with literally every girl in the last 15 years, except for one I accidentally introduced to him. Hence, by dint weight of historical track, I have been tasked with this sacred mandate.
Well, if my luck keeps working out, I might end up in the US doing yet another residency, and I think that green card fetches a higher sum lol. But that's just optimistic daydreaming for now.
Jesus Christ how old is your brother? 15 years? I regret my offer on rizz lessons, he's probably going to be a senior consultant and not in the mood for lectures from an uppity junior.
I mean, you could upgrade? get dowry 1, divorce, rebrand yourself for dowry 2. give back the initial capital, but keep any reinvested profits.
No, he's reached the stage where he can attempt on a new crop of sisters and juniors. He just has negative game, so uppity juniors likely get confused as to whats going on with him.
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Oh this, oh this.
No matter whether you like tits, ass or hips, with even a little age mass goes where it wills, and it obeys no rules but gravity.
It is an absolute curse that the reality of dating frontloads immense amount of effort into visual presentation, which quickly loses its value in contributing to long term maintenance of a stable relationship. Yet, without that frontloaded focus, one cannot even reach the steady state whereby ones looks are diminished in their relative priority.
One can love their partner regardless of how they end up looking, but you must have a partner worth loving in the first place before the luxury of ignorance can be afforded. Relationships should grow like a fine wine, even if the people grow sideways within said time.
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