This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
It's not terribly uncommon here in America; I know...let's see, three medical students or residents that have lots of trouble getting dates or have never had girlfriends. At my (decent, US) medical school, it's very interesting indeed how the short guys in my class and the short interns are focused on their careers while the average and tall ones have girlfriends.
Now, I don't think there is anything all that bad about this state of affairs. It may be that society needs a niche of celibate dudes for life paths that don't mesh well with marriage and children, and 'choose said guys by lot based on height' doesn't seem that bad. Consider things like the draft lottery. Also, the short guys that do get married or get into relationships with women that aren't morbidly obese or literally batshit crazy are a testament to the strength of the human spirit, etc...I've seen it done. Once. The man in question is going to be a literal brain surgeon and is the most charismatic person in our class; we think he could have a good career in politics. Your 5'4" family medicine resident or even a pint-size Navy SEAL ain't up to snuff. Such is life - there is nothing terribly wrong with the fact that short men must be remarkable, accept lifelong celibacy, or decide where they want the ambulances.
Uh, if becoming a doctor will attract women(and I have no doubt that this is true; I’d be more surprised if it wasn’t) then why are you bothering with ‘the hock’ to try to get a date instead of just waiting however many years?
Because he's crazy. Not in a neat DSM-5 way with a legible diagnosis, just a surfeit of common sense and an excess of self-loathing. There's no pill for that I'm aware of.
More options
Context Copy link
Because I'd basically be a mark for a gold digger at that point; I don't necessarily know if I can improve on that by going on the Hock, but 'survived being chucked into the Alaskan wilderness in winter' definitely seems to on the surface fulfill the 'become remarkable' criterion. I'd like to make it very clear that this does not guarantee success any more than lining up at the starting line of a local 5K means you're going to win. It's a generally necessary but by no means sufficient condition.
So too, there would still be the 'hypocrisy' element; I believe that my subpar physical appearance and autism make me more or less disgusting for potential partners and I'd still be autistic and bald as a doctor. So I'd be asking my partner to do something I wasn't willing or able to do myself: endure pointless suffering. Making some autistic ugly-ish doctor happy through enduring pointless suffering day after day (from being with someone you consider gross) isn't a sacrifice that I'm currently worthy of. "Having a shit ton of determination and being willing to endure Hell on Earth for no goddamn reason" seems to be a building block of being worthy of that kind of sacrifice, if anyone truly is.
I know one bald, short and autistic doctor personally, and the only reason he's not dateable is because he's physically deformed and also schizophrenic (yet another case I personally diagnosed as a med student and had ratified later, you'd think someone would notice since both of them had doctor parents).
You're salvageable. There are almost certainly anatomically and mentally normal women who would happily date you if you keep working out and dress decently, especially since you'll be a doctor unless the Hock kills you.
Yes, I am well aware that there are desperately poor women in Cambodia or Thailand or hell, rural India who would date a man they are deeply and viscerally disgusted by in order to pull themselves and their families out of crushing Third World poverty. This is one hell of a sacrifice, I admire the hell out of that kind of resolve, and I don't think I'm worthy of it. I've met maybe a handful of people that are...maybe one percent of the population? Two? I'd sure as hell say that most of the people reading this ain't worthy of that, even though I think most people here are fine people and decent human beings.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
What’s so bad about a gold digger? You want female companionship, she wants a nice life, pick someone smart enough to have reasonable desires and know that divorce isn’t a massive payday(it rarely is and you’re not exactly a billionaire where even a chump change settlement is life changing money, I’d assume), you’ll both bond and make the most of the situation. As I understand it the median woman considers a husband who puts effort in and values her much more of a catch than one who is conventionally attractive and funny; it seems like that’s well within your power.
The issue with gold-diggers is the fact that they're likely to leave you when you're no longer gold. You might fall sick, or lose your job, and then she's off to the next one.
It's hardly a binary notion, women are in general attracted to wealth and status after all, which I don't find reprehensible in the least, but in my eyes, a wife should be willing to stick with you through thick and thin.
This isn't to say a woman who's with you for the money is a bad alternative to being single, but not only is Skook OD-ing on blackpills, I sincerely doubt he's so far gone that he can't land a woman we wouldn't call a gold digger.
While he might be short and (terminally) autistic, I think once he's a practising doctor he'll have plenty of above average looking nurses drawn to him, and while they might like the money or status, that doesn't necessarily mean them hoes ain't loyal. Besides, he says he works out, so it has to count for something doesn't it?
Worst case is a mail order bride, plus a solid pre-nup, though he should get one anyway.
Now, to put a mild spanner in the works, I wouldn't bet on him finishing his residency and them becoming a casual millionaire in less than a decade that is the norm for an American doctor, for the same reason I'm unlikely to be a consultant psychiatrist, AI is going to make us effectively obsolete in like 5 years max, maybe a few more years accounting for regulatory inertia.
But she won't know that! And by the time it's obvious, everyone else is fucked too ❤️
That is precisely what I’m trying to talk him out of before he gets himself killed wandering around in rural northern Alaska.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
The plot just keeps thickening on The Motte, from all quarters it seems.
This has been Motte Lore for a while. For what it’s worth, I agree with Mr Hock, I wouldn’t necessarily want to be the guy for whom an MD was the primary differentiator between whether a woman would date me or not. Not that I think Skookum’s celibacy is necessarily involuntary, I just don’t think his argument is complete bullshit. I’m curious to see what he considers his female equivalent, and if he’d date her.
Only recently have I begun to pay attention to what username goes with whom. I knew a few back on the Reddit days but I don't feel like I see many of them here. Or maybe I forgot or wasn't as attentive as I should've been. It's easy to forget Mottizens aren't just idiosyncratic chatbots but real people--but where, of what age, and sometimes even male or female I often have no idea.
Re: Skookum I am not always clear on what his argument is, other than he has a rather burning self-hatred, finds himself physically repulsive, and projects that self-image in such a way that he assumes women feel the exact same about him (visceral loathing). Also apparently he has seen, heard about in his own social circle, or somehow internalized the idea that women are homicidal and one of them might kill him at some point for something he inadvertently does. Or that he will be somehow attacked for showing interest in a woman. Or whatever. And finally, that an act of MegaChad adventure bravery (The Hock) will be the redemptive quest that will make him into...something better than what he feels that he currently is. (Instead of the suicidal misadventure of a man with an all-but-clearly stated deathwish, which is how I see it.) (Please correct any of this if you like, @SkookumTree, I don't want to misrepresent you.)
As far as whether or not having a med degree is social pheromone, I wouldn't doubt it. I guess there are physicians who agonize over whether women are into them "just for their MD" but I don't think I'd care so much--there's always something that flips a woman's switch (or nothing that does), and while sometimes it makes sense (tall, wealthy, deep blue eyes, muscular, clean fingernails, whatever), sometimes I think it's more random. I found this post recently by @raggedy_anthem insightful, even if it doesn't really provide any clear path for those seeking one.
I have just discovered "SkookumTree" apparently means "brave tree" in Chinook jargon, which was interesting--I'd thought it was just a weird-sounding word.
Most of the repulsion's not physical, although my decidedly below average physical appearance doesn't do me any favors. I'm no Quasimodo, which I'll admit to here.
This guy put it better than I could have done myself.
Was I correct at least on your username?
Also, let me ask you again whether you have a good deal of outdoor and survival experience. Do you hunt? If so, with what? Can you clean game? Are you familiar with how to preserve fresh meat in a way that it doesn't go rancid and doesn't attract scavengers?
Can you identify poisonous plants in the area you will be? Are you familiar with the wildlife in that area, including the dangerous wildlife such as fucking bears that can wake from hibernation even in February and maul you viciously so that you die a violent, wretched, painful death? How are you with building shelters? Making fires if your lighter /matches fail you? Avoiding common mistakes like making fires on rocks or setting up camp near water? Are you able to orienteer without a compass in thick cloudy weather without sunlight? Can you track if necessary? Do you have reliable maps and information about the area you will be at the time of year you're planning to be there?
Do you have any sort of GPS so the inevitable rescue personnel can find you (or your corpse) without undue time expenditure or danger? How are you with extreme, bone-chilling cold? Have you made any lists of necessary cold weather gear? Are you steeled for unpredictable weather changes? What if you get sick?
Are you avoiding stupid cold weather clothing like denim and cotton? Did you know granola bars are rock solid in winter weather and basically inedible?
Etc. Don't do it, don't do it.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
I get the appeal of old forum culture now, even if by the time I had reliable internet access Reddit was already slaughtering them. There's a charm in having familiar faces and in-jokes within a community that isn't so large everyone becomes interchangeable and anonymous, even it they're using pseudonyms.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link