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Small-Scale Question Sunday for October 1, 2023

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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I'm a Big Man.

I don't mean fat. I'm 6'8" and go about 245. Through almost all of my 20s, I was maybe 200-210. In college and before I was below that and so noticeably in the "bean pole" range of skinny. A late 20s dive into lifting paired with finally hitting the big metabolical downshift means I'm no longer "potentially a basketball player" but firmly in the land of "hey, that's a Big Dude!" No tattoos, but do have a trimmed beard and close shaved head. I've been called Nordic-looking often (I'm not).

Question is; what are some things I should be aware of in terms of perceptions by other people. I don't want to come across as utterly clueless - I already go out of my way to be a little goofy / ice-breaker-y when meeting new people. I smile (and am concious of it) a lot when dealing with bartenders / cafe people / passers by on a day to day basis. Still, I think I may be oblivious to some things. I'm especially worried about professional context. COVID had me fully remote for two years and Zoom meetings take a lot out of relative physical size awareness. New job (as of the summer) has me in a suit 4 days a week in a more conservative / traditional setting and I'm wondering if that's modulated my smiley/goofiness. FWIW, I don't think I perceive much hesitation from coworkers, and I'm getting a normal level of invitation to informal drinks after work etc.

Would also appreciate any insight on NON-romantic male/female dynamics. On the dating side of things, there is a consistent volume of women who straight up tractor-beam to Big Dudes. (Yes, it's Daddy issues and Lumberjack fantasies as far as the eye can see. SNL had a skit about it with dudes from the Chiefs after the won the Superbowl).

Best thing I ever did for myself in that respect was learn a martial art. Learning (something about) how to fight trained me how to move through space. People tell me I walk with confidence and purpose. And if you're a large man, it's better to move with purpose than with clums.

Besides that, you probably want your facial grooming to look neat and not "wild." You could also make a gag out of your height if you like - put up a measuring stick on your doorframe at your height and label it 5'11" or something.

COVID had me fully remote for two years and Zoom meetings take a lot out of relative physical size awareness.

I know a guy who didn't expect one of his coworkers to be huge. They usually used audio only, and when he suggested everyone switch their cameras on, he was shocked to see a living "bodybuilders being kings on the internet" meme on his screen. I would subtly hint you're big with new coworkers.

I also had a boss that was shaped like a brick shithouse and he just embraced the image wholesale: towering over people, wearing boxy suits etc.

Though this is a good idea, I think you really need to thread the needle on 'subtle hint' or you just come off like you're bragging about how huge you are.

6'8" and 245, yes indeed. It sounds like your self-awareness has the bases covered, and your wearing a suit will temper the nerviness of most people. When you say "close-shaved head" does that mean cue ball bald or just close-cropped? There will be quite different perceptions depending, especially on how you wear your beard. My buddies back home all seem to think huge goatees are a great look (they're not in my view, unless you want to be associated with tiki torch marches). All in all from the picture you're painting really you've nothing to worry about except the Nervous Nellies who will worry no matter what you do.