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I know it's a common thing in online spaces like this to claim that Western women have overinflated ideas of their own attractiveness, but I haven't found that to be the case. I think most women could (and do) very well rank themselves against other women relatively accurately, somewhat adjusted for male vs female preferences (eg. women prioritize skinniness and face, men often prioritize waist-hip ratio and slim-but-with-curves).
A woman with an ugly nose or weak chin or whatever knows exactly what is wrong with her, she likely already tailors her makeup, selfie angles, poses/positions in group photographs etc. based on it. It doesn't take a genius (for men or women) to look at the kind of person you want to be with, and then to look at the kind of person they tend to marry or have LTRs with, and then to compare yourself to that person.
Point taken, and I think you are right about the average women. But again, these are not average women, but women who are still single at 35. In my experience they come in 3 groups:
My friends are a mix of 2. and 3. I think for nr 2 there is a psychological mechanism that keeps people from seing their own shortcomings. For what its worth, I think men who are single at 35-40 also fit into these categories, but with slightly different cutoffs. The typical example would perhaps a short immigrant male with an advanced STEM degree who cant understand why white girls are not attracted to him, because in his mind having a good degree and a well paying job is the pinnacle of male achievement. In the same vein, my friend is an avid runner, but objectively she lacks raw femininity and with skin that has aged quite poorly due to sun damage. She cant see this, because in her mind being a skinny female runner makes a woman very attractive.
That guy...well. Very few American-born women would be attracted to him. Even if he's a second-generation guy, if he's been raised middle-class? He's got to deal with a lot of things before he can start looking for a partner. First of all, he's going to have been told all his life that dating and relationships are live options for him and of course he's going to find a partner. When he starts looking, or even openly expressing interest in sex or relationships, in high school or college, he might be told that this isn't happening for him, and he might find people that are uncomfortable with him being anything other than a celibate monk who's far more interested in computer science than women. He's been raised middle class, and probably hasn't had to deal with any real struggles or face any real hardship. He's not at all accustomed to accepting that he's often going to be in situations where all of his options suck and he is choosing the least-bad option, not the best. By the time that fully sinks in, he's either resigned himself to loneliness or is too old, inexperienced, and afraid to attract anyone. At least, anyone that can hold a job and isn't a danger to herself or others.
As for morbid obesity...morbidly obese women can definitely get guys, even rather well-put-together and conscientious guys, if they're willing to go for shorter dudes. You can be 5'5" and 300 pounds and have a boyfriend or husband with a body like a Greek god if you're OK with him being 5'4".
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If you don't mind being lonely, you should also not mind not becoming a mother.
That is, uh, not how things work. Like it or not, people want kids because they want them, loneliness has nothing to do with it. It’s biological, not psychological.
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