The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
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Physical appearance. I started balding at 15 and was completely bald at 19. I cannot look myself at the mirror anymore. It doesn't help that I started having chronic pain on the right half of my body for no apparent reason. I used to bench up to 120kg, now I find difficult to keep a bottle of water in my hand. My weight went from 80kg to 120kg beacuse food was the only thing that consoles me.
Intelligence, or better, academic performace. I was always on top on my game until my obsessive suicidal thoughts started popping out 8 years ago. Sometimes my mind calm down, I go take my exams, generally passing with 95+, and, for a brief time, I can see how I used to be and then it starts again.
Social relationships. I think I have more enamored with the idea of having "friends" than actually hanging out with people. I recognize the benefits of being social but I cannot bear interruption to my solitude.
Virginity at 28. That it's easy to explain between ugliness and asociality. And I'm gay - that was supposed to be easier, wasn't it?
Reconciling me being gay with my enormous paternal instinct. I remember since grade school I used to imagine me as a single father raising my children in the best way possible and give them the best life possible. But even if 1 and 4 weren't problems I don't think it will ever happen.
Hopelessness and helplessness. I have high hopes for the future but at the same time I do not believe in those hopes: I know I will never a good job, I will never recover my "smartness", I will never be in shape again. I want to strive for those things but at the same time I'm so tired and just want to disappear.
I've never had a true job but some Math tutoring to pay for expenses. I am very frugal so that's not a problem but I feel such an enormous failure. I used to dream big, and believe in those dreams but the Universe in Its Indifference had other plans. Now I feel that I will not be able to explain myself in a job interview. Joking, I don't think I will ever get one.
remarkable how easy weight comes on .fortunately i got it under control.
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How are your standardized test scores? If you did well on those, during a professional gap I suffered I did test-prep tutoring for rich kids. The actual impact of the tutoring was hit or miss, but I made $75/hr five years ago, and that was working with a "pimp" who handled the business end of it and client recruiting and just told me where to go and who to talk to.
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May seem trite, but after my own struggles with chronic pain, also one-sided, I've come to buy more into the 'biopsychosocial' idea of chronic pain. Or to put it another way, a lot of chronic pain is emotional/related to your life as well as physical. The body and the mind aren't separate, if you have emotional struggles that can come out into your body, etc. PM me if you are curious about reading materials. Otherwise I'd just say yoga and meditation have helped me a lot.
I know this feeling myself, I'm sure a lot of people do nowadays. Unfortunately life is still hard despite our incredible material abundance. If it helps, many other folks are suffering alongside you. And many have fought through their issues to lead happy lives.
On the job/money side, I have a cousin who leveraged private tutoring into a job at an adult education school that is apparently really cushy. It can happen, although not saying it's likely.
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