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EDIT: Thanks for all of the suggestions folks, they're greatly appreciated.
I'm worried I may have some kind of anxiety disorder. For the last few months I've found it very hard to relax, and almost always feel tense and on edge. I don't (or rather, can't) enjoy most of the things I used to enjoy. Even when I'm spending time with my friends or a girl I'm dating, I feel tense and can't let myself relax. I don't look forward to anything. When I'm in work I'm bored out of my mind, when I get home I do nothing to pass the time. My sex drive is virtually nonexistent.
What I've tried so far:
Cutting out caffeine: I didn't drink any caffeine for an entire month. Now I'm back on it but drinking less than I was before I cut it out completely.
Reducing alcohol intake: I was probably drinking too much during Covid. For the last few months I've been trying to keep my non-social drinking to a minimum and not to overdo it when I drink socially
Meditation: I've been doing guided meditation once a day for the last two weeks, using www.tarabrach.com as a resource
Talk therapy: I was seeing a therapist once a week from July until two weeks ago (I had to pause the sessions as I changed jobs which meant a change in insurance provider). The therapy wasn't specifically about this issue, but the issue did come up in the sessions
Exercise: I got into running during Covid and still run once or twice a week. I cycle to work every day (provided it's not raining).
Leisure activities: I try to read from a corporeal book every day.
None of the above seems to have helped much, if at all. Maybe once every two weeks I'll experience a day where I'm able to just completely relax and unwind - but there doesn't seem to be any obvious rhyme, reason, or pattern to when these days strike, at least as far as I can see.
Any suggestions for how to deal with this are welcome. Ideally I would prefer not to resort to psychopharmaceuticals, as I've been prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics in the past, and found the gains rather meagre compared to the brutality of the side effects.
How’s your digestion? Any IBS symptoms? Sometimes our micro biome influences our emotions and mood and we don’t even recognize it. You could try eating more probiotic foods like kefir.
Exercise 1-2 times a week isn’t a very high “dose” for anxiety. You need to up that to 5 times a week, for at least 40 minutes of moderate (HR 130 or greater) intensity.
Is this a mood thing as well? You say you don’t oook forward to anything: could this be related to the seasons? Maybe get a SAD lamp.
, try some breathing exercises. Box breathing is pretty good. See if that helps.
Take magnesium and vitamin D. Most people are deficient and magnesium has definite anxiolytic effects .
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What kind of meditation is this? Maybe you should look into metta (loving kindness) meditation.
I found its effect rather disturbing in a very good way (and should do it more often).
I have no idea what the kind I'm currently doing is called.
If you have any resources for metta, please send them over, I'd love to give it a try.
Sorry for my late response. There is some basic advice on the following website:
https://www.lionsroar.com/metta-meditation-guide/
If you prefer a book-length treatment, Johnson's The Path to Nibbana is often recommended.
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I'm mal-functionally non-anxious and probably less professionally successful than you, and this is big advice for me to give as some jackass on the internet, but consider Thomas Szasz' famous dictate that most mental illnesses aren't in the brain, they're problems in living. What we call mental illness, is often just the world asking something of you that you just can't do. This South Park Episode, but unironically or SA on stimulants in Sillicon Valley.
Consider that just as it's silly to say someone has ADHD because they can't read The Great Gatsby or look at spreadsheets all day, maybe you have anxiety because your life is stressful and it is ridiculous to say that you need drugs to cope. Maybe the simple fixes aren't working because it isn't a simple problem.
Now, hey, if you want to take drugs to be even greater than you could be without them, I don't necessarily object to that. Barry Bonds started taking drugs long after he had won several MVPs. But don't confuse using drugs because you want more with needing drugs to function as a human.
It's certainly possible that I have anxiety because my life is stressful, but I have to admit I'm quite sceptical of that interpretation. I'm steadily employed at a normal 9-5 office job; I am treated with respect and courtesy by my colleagues; I've never had to work late, overtime or at the weekend; I have no dependents; I'm not wealthy but nor am I struggling to make ends meet; I have good accommodation; and I don't have any health problems. All of these things were true two, three and four years ago, and I know I didn't feel like this at those times.
I'd say you're doing a fairly good bit at coping with it. I mean, you still have the job and the girlfriend.
My life situation is completely crap, basically, got nothing going for me except being physically healthy, not broke and on good terms with my parents.
No anxiety though, no problems relaxing most days.
I did watch Edgerunners and also thought about things in a .. unwise way and couple days after I had half a day of feeling anxious and dreading something undefined, and I noticed how much it sucked. Can't imagine enduring something like that for a month.
One possible piece of advice:
**Try fighting. **
One time a therapist talked me into signing up for a boxing class. Between the punishing 1 hour of aerobics training and subsequent sparring, the entire thing was very relaxing and strangely enjoyable. And I think what was most relaxing was the sparring. I was up against 18 year old guys.. who were mostly at least slightly less new to it, and .. it was fun.
Did hurt a fair bit, but the whole 'physical fight' experience was something I had no idea I was missing. It's quite a lot more .. interesting? than a good mental fight (like e.g. a challenging game ). Like comparing a silent 1920s film to a 1980s action film, or something like that. Or some solid VR experience.
Sadly I had to give that up, I had a prior shoulder injury that kept flaring up because getting pummelled (even not at full force) while blocking blows was just too much for it. I've been meaning to do some strength training as that'd probably make the shoulder more robust, but haven't gotten around to it. And probably never will, knowing myself. Lifting weights seems extremely complex, and knowing I'd have to couple that to eating more to get anything out of it just makes the whole thing seemingly too daunting.
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You're probably right then, just wanted to throw it out there.
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I had a physical on Tuesday and apparently my resting heart rate and blood pressure are fine, which is reassuring. I'll do some research into thyroid illnesses and diabetes. Thanks for the suggestion.
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I'm curious what is going on in your mind when you are feeling tense. Are there particular thoughts you keep returning to? How do you respond mentally when you have these feelings?
Anxiety feeds on itself, and one of the main drivers is rumination. Rumination is a choice and there are ways to train yourself away from it. You mention a lot of behaviors you are changing to deal with anxiety, but you might also want to think about thought processes you need to change.
I went through a period in my life in which I was ruminating so much on personal problems that I was completely unable to concentrate on anything. The way I'm feeling right now is distinct from that: I can watch a film, concentrate on it and follow the plot, I just don't derive much pleasure from doing so, if any.
That honestly sounds more like depression than anxiety. Anhedonia is a core symptom of depression
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For an acute non-pharmaceutical intervention that is basically physiologically guaranteed to make you relax for about an hour at the very minimum, try either a 20-minute sauna or a very hot bath, like 105F to 115F, measured with an actual thermometer. Hot showers aren't the same at all, though they still have some effect. If you're insufficiently relaxed after the bath, stay longer next time and ensure that the water temperature isn't becoming too low as the bath progresses.
You could also try an elimination diet to make sure it's not some weird autoimmune thing, like only eat potatoes and a multivitamin for two weeks and see how you feel. It probably won't work, but there's a nontrivial chance that it does, and P(working)*reward_of_working - P(not working)*cost_of_not_working seems like it would be decently high for you.
Elizabeth's post on "luck based medicine" also would seem relevant here:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/fFY2HeC9i2Tx8FEnK/luck-based-medicine-my-resentful-story-of-becoming-a-medical
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I've dealt with the same issues, and Tara Brach is a great meditation teacher. I have eventually managed to curb the worst of my anxiety but it took many many years of meditation, yoga, therapy, etc etc.
In terms of pharmaceuticals, I was also skeptical but ended up taking Klonopin after a bad stretch. It actually helped quite a bit and now I'm completely off of them.
I think that the healthiest practices are meditation, exercise and therapy. At the end of the day it just takes a lot of work. Anxiety is essentially your brain being habituated to interpreting everything in your environment as a threat, and you have to work to change the way you naturally respond to things. Wish I could give you a stronger recommendation but that's my experience.
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