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Men, women, how many of each? I can confirm n = 1 described sex this way and "not being ready", which I was actually kind of shocked to hear him say given who I learned he was.
Meanwhile, the ones that probably should be having lots of sex (and are guaranteed to have better sex when they do just because of the way they are) are too afraid or depressed to make that attempt.
And this is supposed to change things, somehow? If you're going to treat sex the way you'd treat any other more standard aspect of the relationship, it seems logical that the way you treat the other aspects of your relationship is going to dominate the way you have sex. If you're shit at relationships, you're probably going to be shit at transactional sex.
We had free love in the 1960s and 70s because fucking everything was free- men were the same, but the modern/ancient existential dread of "tfw no hymen" just wasn't there, so there must have been some other thing going on to make that possible.
This seems to be describing a type of people who don't see sex (or the things and desires that lead to sex) as a general extension of intimacy more broadly.
I truly do not understand these people.
Maybe the stakes for that are higher, maybe the people worthy of that kind of intimacy are fewer and farther between, and maybe some to lots of people merely see sex as transactional as an inherent property of either modern relationships or relationships in general (where marriages are treated, or viewed by one or both participants, as an exclusive prostitution agreement- which is biologically predictable, as men and women are different).
Perhaps in that case the feeling one is "owed" an orgasm dominates, where if that doesn't happen the sex was a failure; contrast fooling around.
Speaking of which... "fooling around" is very looked down on as a concept by zoomers: you're either Very Adult and Having Sex(tm), or you're in child mode and thinking about sex in "fooling around" mode is a massive problem because Sex + Child = Pedo. Which is how you get communities full of teenagers calling each other pedophiles about being attracted to fellow 16-year-olds (something I've also seen zoomers do in person).
And I actually do blame the porn (or perhaps more saliently, society's reaction to it back in the '80s), and the pretenses about the Holy Age Gate of Sex, for that one. Even without that paradigm, at 25-30 you're out of the stage of life where you can afford to take sex less seriously (both because relative poverty, but also because of a lack of time- if you're orgasmmaxxing, why would you bother with an inexperienced partner?).
Before the start of my current relationship, I deflowered two women in 2022 in casual relationships. I won't lie - it was quite the turn-on.
I think being able to provide/appreciate the "virgin experience" is an underrated part of relationships (and creates certain anxieties in people who don't understand that -> simultaneously overvalue and undervalue virginity, in the sense that it's very important to be one, but whether you otherwise act like one is irrelevant).
It's also not really an itch that video porn in particular, being spherical-cow-in-vacuum sexuality, can scratch beyond just saying magic words (and is an underservable market for exactly the reasons one might feel you'd have to lie about/downplay wanting to do that specifically).
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How do you know they were telling the truth 👀
I don't, of course. IIRC the first one bled a little, consistent with a broken hymen (although that's not the only thing that can cause one to bleed during sex, obviously). The second claimed I was her first kiss in addition to first sex, and her behaviour certainly seemed consistent with that claim. But you're right: I don't know for sure and I never will.
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This, in isolation, cracked me up.
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