Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
- 157
- 2
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
I still remember being struck with what felt like a thunderbolt the first time I saw my wife. I had even been prepared, slightly. I knew her roommate, and so had seen pictures on Facebook. The only excuse I can muster is that the average resolutions back then were so low they gave you what I think is more of an idea of a person.
I was able to stabilize myself for the rest of that night and act normal, even if every conversation with her started with me being a little short of breath, or having the same palpitations you describe. Over the next year or so, I was struck by how funny and kind a woman with this much beauty could be. It didn't hurt that she was dating someone else, so the stakes were low.
When we both had to stay in our small college town over the summer, I brought her tea and aspirin when she was sick. She helped scrub the old green truck I drove that didn't match my personality at all, and we made trashy cheddar bacon fries with meat from the ag department she was part of. When they broke up, I swooped in.
More than a decade later, I still actively give my male friends opportunities to talk to her 1 on 1 in social situations. It's such a great experience that I think it would be selfish not to share it, even if I know firsthand it hurts a little when it's over.
I think I've been in love, butterflies in the stomach, heart thumping at the sight of them love twice in my life. Mere lust or fondness? I think I've lost count.
The first instance was painful. A pining adolescent romance for someone who was emotionally unavailable, and just not that into me. I thought the fact we were going out on dates and that she was coming over was enough, while doing my best to ignore the fact that while we were in college and her friends were around, she'd treat me as if I was just one of them.
The second... It didn't pan out. At this point I'm well over the bitterness, and I wish I had understood we weren't compatible, but as the bitter and wise say, when you're in love and have rose-tinted goggles on, red flags look just like flags.
The two of them could have passed for sisters (if absolutely nothing alike personality-wise, barring a love for dogs). I guess twice bitten forever shy? I'm sure it'll happen again, if experience is any hint, I never have a choice in the matter. I thought both of them were the One (or two, in rapid succession), and was at the "We'll get married eventually" stages with the latter, but alas.
I tell myself I don't miss them. And it's mostly true.
I've had that feeling a few times. It... never went well. Got summarily shot down every single time, and eventually learned to dread those feelings of attraction. The last time it happened to me, I remember saying "oh crap" out loud once I realized what was going on.
Oddly enough, though I'm happily married now I never felt that way about my wife really. I liked her, certainly, but I didn't spend time mooning over her or get a jolt in my stomach when I saw her. Probably has something to do with the fact I was 30 when we met, I imagine. Mainly the process of dating my wife was one of existential terror, as literally every step (first date, first kiss, and so on) was the furthest I had ever made it with a woman. So I was terrified of doing something to fuck it up. Then on top of that, I had to try to figure out if I really liked her, or if I just liked that she was the first woman to show any interest in me. That was a tough bit of introspection. But it all worked out in the end, so I guess I can't complain too much. I wouldn't go back to those days for any amount of money, though. Way too complicated.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
From time to time I have had sudden bouts of insecurity because I never had an experience like that when I met my wife, or when we were dating. So when people talk about “love at first sight” I get uncomfortable. I’m a romantic at heart, and I like the idea of falling desperately in love with someone like that, but that’s not what happened to me. I was not especially attracted to her when I met her, no more than any other young woman. I grew to love her slowly, as I got to know her. I love her deeply today: I would die for her if I had to. But I never “fell for her”, so to speak.
Of course I never fell for anyone else either. There have been three times in my life that I saw a woman and was struck by her beauty. I felt strongly physically attracted to her: infatuated might be a good word. But I wanted to bed those women, not love them. Two of them were complete strangers whose character was unknown to me. The third I had a conversation with, and discovered she was not the kind of person I wanted to have a discussion with, much less live with. It was lust only.
You're not alone. I've never fallen head over heels for anyone this way. I've pined for and creeped over many girls in my youth, but it has always been a gradual and groundless infatuation.
My wife doesn't like to be reminded of it, but I asked her out because I didn't feel this crippling anxiety around her that came with my usual feelings towards a girl.
More options
Context Copy link
While that moment is an incredible memory, it's long ago been dwarfed by the rest of our relationship. I've been a hopeless romantic since I was very young. 99/100 times, it was just a way to get my feelings hurt, but eventually, it stuck.
Many such cases.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link