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Quick update on.. well, my breakup.
After dropping the bomb on her while drunk, she didn't talk to me for a week. I've seen this behavior before and its how she handles emotional trauma. I won't pretend I had perfect execution, but the perfect is the enemy of the good.
It was a very frosty week with us just not talking to each other at all and her sleeping in her home office/girl's room/den. I tried talking a couple of times and just got curt one word responses.
Eventually she came into my room at bedtime, sat on my bed facing away from me and let it out. I won't recount everything, but she said some hurtful things and eventually accepted what was happening. She identified that she wasn't a victim and was a contributor to how we ended up where we did. I took some slings and arrows that were unjust to let her vent and process things.
Now we're in some weird housemate situation, but we're back to being friends. She throws occasional unnecessary hurtful jabs at me which I've pushed back on ('you can say that once. I don't want to hear it again'), but this is kind of her Chinese personality where I don't think she understands the emotional impact of some words in the same way I do. Not a big deal and to be honest I'm cutting her a lot of slack.
Last night she said she kind of knew that we weren't in a perfect relationship situation but didn't think she would have the courage to escalate things to a breakup while I did. I took this as a compliment. She also did some low level seduction touching which I resisted. I want to make a cleanish break and not muddy the waters by any intimate contact.
I got drunk again last night. I've done a bit of that lately, particularly during Ice Week, but I'm also cutting myself some slack.
I'm going to miss my best friend.
Damn, that last line cut deep. I'm sorry bro, but you made the right decision.
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Cohabitation is a mistake no one should make, you did well for recognizing the problem and should go and meet other girls, the problem is now that if you have any residual feelings, she'll hurt you by bringing guys over and if you bring girls over, she'll want you back. Move out when you can and never, ever, even hint at being into her. Don't get physical, don't try to talk about the past with her.
Although being too aloof works quite on girls if you're not doing it as a front. I've never had a girlfriend, it's always sad to lose a connection, keep posting, don't dwell on the past and find new girls. You did well, staying with her when your heart isn't in it would have been way worse.
I'll second this. You have to move out to move on. They'll cry, they'll beg, they'll make faux rational arguements, they'll try to get money out of you. Just rip the bandaid off, no contact. You don't have kids, and let this be a lesson about trying to keep friends of the opposite sex, especially if you think you can just casually try to fuck them during a dry spell.
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Sounds like you're well rid of her. Better late than never.
Good job.
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Sorry to hear it my man. I hope you know it was for the best, and that you are able to get over it with as little pain as possible.
I feel for you.
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