The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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You preemptively disclaimed that you might break-up or date other people, and she handwaved it away. Well, now you’re at the bridge where you might break-up or date other people.
Not only was your disclaimer contained in the fine-print, it was the title slide in size 48 font. Her inability to manage her own expectations does not constitute an obligation on your part.
>guy I've been seeing on and off warns against living together in case we breakup
>I insist it's fine and that it's just for practical and cost considerations, so we move in together
>no sex for a year, but waiting for him to put a ring on it
>now he's talking about breaking up
>how could he do this to me?
Maybe things such as this could be overcome, maybe not. Maybe it’d be a lifetime of where, anytime you did something that was, in her eyes, cringe, clumsy, embarrassing, weak, or anytime you otherwise somehow fell short of being A Real Man, she runs to her friends, family, and coworkers to gossip about, shame, and mock you. Because it’s no big deal and is funny. You getting upset over it is just another thing for her to snicker over with her family and social circle.
Sunk cost. Better to rip off the band aid than let things fester more. She's not entitled to your commitment; you gotta do you and live your best life.
If for some reason you fear you’ll later feel some FOMO or one-itis, keep in mind you can at any moment book a flight to her home SEA country and date and bang chicks a decade or two younger than her, after which you’d hardly feel she were so unique, special, or essential anymore.
Attraction is not a choice. Plus, if it makes you feel better, the lack of attraction sounds bidirectional and always has been.
She was happy to keep you in the friendzone, but then COVID hit. Her dating options limited, one night omg-it-just-like-happened with you after the "magic of alcohol." Having coughed it up to you and with nothing to lose but the opportunity cost of time, and with her clock ticking in her mid-30s+, she thought “eh, he’ll do,” and let the inertia ensue. Who knows what she was doing during the times of your “(minor)" breakups.
You’re not even married and the bedroom’s already been dead for a year. Unless you plan on doing IVF or UberStorking a baby, sex is generally a prerequisite for the children you two want. And at her age, having a child the old-fashioned way could already be tough; two would be a reach. Marrying her could very well still mean zero kids.
The window is closing… <Bane Voice> for her. </Bane Voice>
If her window hasn’t closed already, that is. She saying you’ll regret this just sounds like projection, wishcasting, sour grapes, and sowing FUD.
Like you, she chose to spend these four years in this inertial state. It takes two to tango. She’s mad now that her settlement plan might fall through, that she might have to go into hurry-up offense to find a replacement, and she can’t manage the clock by calling time-outs, running pass plays only, running out of bounds, or spiking the football.
This was my favorite comment lol. Oneitis, not even once!
Yeah lol, SEA is the easiest place in the world to get laid if you are a white or off white. I had married women come up randomly, grind against me in raves whilst their husbands watched and no these were not sex workers. I never slept with one since I do not like asian girls but the stereotypes are true.
So fertility issues, a dead bedroom, loss of attraction, that is three strikes that are dealbreakers.
How can you have oneitis for a girl you're not attracted to? Makes no sense.
Sunk cost + neediness, in ops case sunk cost + proximity. Always default to "good" pua wisdom, not roosh but more like yareally, rsd. I was known as the oneitis guy here back in the day. It's a terrible situation if you are in it, the only way out is fixing your internal issues and having better cuter girls around.
Julien postulated that having a girl around adds meaning to your drab life, it is a way the brain can make existence meaningful. Kids get it for girls they have never spoken to.
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