The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Yes, it's a dealbreaker, but your friendship is over. You might like her, but from her perspective, you've been using her for sex to tide yourself over while leading her on with the impression you were in a relationship that was going somewhere, and she's not really wrong.
This is too harsh. OP was not using her. She has agency. And, of course, the time to have kids is way before age 38.
She has agency, but so does anyone being deceived or misled.
I never deceived her and she tells me that I've been clear about not wanting a serious relationship with her from the beginning. She told me she hoped that I would change my mind when I raised all this with her a few days ago.
I'll agree there's a certain sub-communication to agreeing to move in with someone that I'll have to wear.
I'll tell ya that you can be right, but I wouldn't hang your hat on it.
The difference between guys who have a "piece of shit" reputation and those who don't is that the latter are better at figuring out when women, for some reason or the other, are not acting in their best interests when it comes to the relationship.
You can be banging a woman you see no future with, she'll be down all the time, but her friends will let you know she needs commitment or bust.
I've been in shoes much like yours. I've broken up with people I'm really into, that I sent mixed signals to, but it wasn't a permanent thing. Better late than never - and y'all should definitely formally break up.
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I don't think you had nefarious intentions, but yeah, the communication was not good and you let her believe what she wanted to believe and to some degree I think you had to know what she was hoping for. People will say that's on her, and that's also true, which is why being straightforward is pretty important. People shouldn't fool themselves, and they also shouldn't let other people fool themselves (not if you want to feel like you were being above board about the whole thing).
I don't think you're a bad guy here,.but I doubt the situation, or your friendship, is salvageable.
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Things have evolved far beyond sex. It's emotions now, with no sex involved. I wouldn't have believed that you could partner with someone so closely without sex unless I had experienced it.
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