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Firstly, you are judging an entire group of people on the basis of reality tv - something I wouldn't recommend anyone do at the best of times. People on reality TV are hand picked to get viewers eyes, not for showing reality. Imagine if I judged everyone from New Jersey based on Jersey Shore.
So I will lay my cards on the table and say I am obese and probably fall under the "morbidly obese" category.
I am not ignorant: I know fully well about the food pyramid. I know how to count calories. I understand nutrition basics fairly well, how to read nutrition information, etc. I eat fast food maybe once a week before tabletop night and eat out once a week for date night. Other than that either I or my wife cook our meals - and we eat well - last night was tomato artichoke bisque soup with a croque monsieur. The night before was pan fried walleye with a chickpea and avocado salad. I admittedly have a more peasant palette than my wife, but she's really taught me how to cook better tasting and healthier meals.
I am not entitled: While I am married, I am fully capable of taking care of myself and could live alone without issue. I take a shower every day. I work a fulltime job and have a healthy career. I have two hobbies which require at least some level of activity (fishing and woodworking). I walk my dogs several miles multiple times a week to make sure they stay healthy and at the appropriate weight (irony, I'm aware). I try to make sure I am never taking too much room anywhere I am and try to constantly stay alert for anyone who needs to move by me.
I am not stupid: I am fully aware my biggest hurdle is portion size control. I'm not happy being fat, but clearly I am actively making the decision to continue being so as I have helping sizes that are too large. Now, I'm not looking to get any surgeries for weight loss, and am otherwise in pretty good health - but I also know being in good health is only temporary and I am a time bomb waiting to happen.
So why am I replying? Sympathy? No. I don't deserve sympathy. I've made my own poor choices and that is entirely on me.
Maybe for some sort of understanding. Everyone has their vice: alcohol addictions, affairs, drugs, video games, porn, etc. I wear my vice in public every day; you and everyone else can see my vice on me. That fit person walking down the street that beats their spouse everyday and is a functional alcoholic? You would never know their vices without getting to know them, and maybe not even then. Does that excuse me being overweight? Of course not. I'm trying to fix it; I've failed in the past and may fail for the rest of my life, but I'm still going to try.
I don't want special accommodations.
I don't really care if people think worse of me because I am overweight: I think worse of me for being overweight.
I hate the "healthy at any size" movement and its derivatives.
All I would like to do is point out some of us overweight people don't fall into how you are observing a reality TV show.
My weight has fluctuated 30-ish pounds over the last few years. (24-29 BMI, but semi-muscular. 24 would be ideal)
Nothing affects weight like stress. When things are stable, I find myself steadily losing 2 pounds/month until I settle around a 25 BMI.
But, stability is hard to find. I've changed 4 cities in 2 years & 10 cities in 10 years. There's immigration insecurity, loan payments, familial responsibilities & relationship tensions that can vanish for a few hours....if I allow myself to order fries. I'm no picky eater either. I'm actually an expert cook. But, when everything piles up, I just don't have anything left to give. And fries, fries taste so so good.
I like that phrasing. Understand that I know everything I 'should do' if I want to lose weight. But life doesn't happen in isolation. "I have a lot going on right now" is a good enough answer.
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I think I owe you a apology.
I threw out a lot of hot flak into a sensitive topic and your reply was too heartfelt not to make a response.
We should all try to overcome our vices. It is truly a struggle that never ends.
I wish you the best of luck in overcoming yours.
And although I don't think I've quite changed my mind, I will endeavor to be more understanding in the future.
For the offense I've given you, I'm sorry.
You're fine but I do appreciate the apology even though I don't feel it is truly needed. I'm not offended, I just wanted to speak about something I actually understand since I normally lurk as most of the time the topics are more eloquently covered by others.
There are absolutely overweight people who are stupid, ignorant, or entitled. Reality TV will be highlighting these people as it is more dramatic than just an otherwise well-put together person who can't overcome eating too large of portions because it would be boring as hell.
But at the end of the day, it was my poor choices that brought me here and only better choices will get me out of it. I deserve being looked down on for those poor choices; it just isn't through stupidity, ignorance, or entitlement - just weakness in the face of a vice.
Yes! But also no. I think that the thing which people consistently get wrong (in both directions) about obesity is whether or not it should be shameful. IMO the correct answer is "yes, but not any more than we shame all the other vices".
We all have some vice or other that we struggle to overcome. Every single person on this earth is flawed and has to fight past those flaws on a regular basis. I try to give grace to my raging alcoholic brother in law because I know that fundamentally, I'm not that much different than he is - I just have a different vice (like you, I also struggle with my eating habits greatly). But I also don't excuse him (or myself) for our poor choices either.
So, you have to strike a balance between the two extremes here, or it's not just. There's a Bible verse I'm fond of which says "all have sinned, and all have fallen short of the glory of God". I like it because it reminds me of two equally important things. First, I'm flawed, and second, everyone is just as flawed as me. So while I need to work to get better, I also shouldn't feel like I'm uniquely bad. Which is why I agree that you deserve to be looked down upon in the sense that you have serious flaws, you also don't in the sense that others have flaws just as serious in other areas.
Absolutely, I think your views here are matching my own.
In my post I was leaning more into my acknowledgement that my vice is not good or healthy, it is something that deserves at least some shame by me. This was because of the beliefs espoused by the OP as well as the "healthy at any size" / "anti-fatphobia" activists; I was looking to distance myself from them and show the OP that my current state does deserve at least some contempt. I did try and bring in the fact that it is a vice like many others, as you bring up, though one that is always visible to everyone unlike almost every other vice as a way to help them better contextualize how I think fat people should be viewed.
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