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Forgive me for being a monday-morning quarterback here.
Can his... wife not watch the kids? There's this insane sickness among parents where it's impossible for one of them to go out and do something without bringing everyone else along. It's not difficult for an experienced parent to handle all their kids while their spouse grabs a couple drinks with friends after dinner, but everyone acts like it's splitting the atom.
Every kid and parent is different yadda yadda yadda, but I can't imagine tolerating this. My oldest is perfectly happy to be a chatterbox and be passed around to multiple adults for conversations, but at the end of the day if he needs to chill and listen he will. I suppose I've seen this problem more so with girls but.. jeez.
I don't think it even has to be this hard. If your kids are trained to crash in a pack-n-play at a house party and get to sleep even if a movie is on downstairs, your life gets so much easier. People seem so obsessed with making shit difficult.
Or get a friend / relative to help?
My brother's wife has an event coming up and I was "roped into" helping for that evening. IOW my brother sent me a message "Are you free on X? I could use some help with the kids." to which I naturally replied "Sure, I'll come". This does mean I have to cut a hobby a whopping half an hour shorter... The horror!
Obviously having kids will limit the kinds of things you can do but it's far from a social death sentence.
I'm reminded of an observation I made a long time ago when I noticed quite a few people were using pairing up (without any kids even) as an unvoiced excuse to start hanging at home and stop going out or seeing friends and where any social event would suddenly require weeks of planning in advance. Having even minor responsibilities at home just became a convenient excuse and alternative to having to actually go out and spend any effort at having a social life.
Exactly. I kicked off a babysitting co-op in my neighborhood for exactly this reason. I can read a book or watch a movie at a friend's house while they go out on a late-night date. The kids are in bed by 7:30 anyway.
I've seen this too. Thankfully, most of the people who use this tack don't complain about being lonely but... many do. I visited my midwestern friends recently and tried to connect them with one another (identical hobbies, great fits) to no avail. Some people just like being homebodies I guess.
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I have revised downward my priors for your having had children.
Edit: Missed the part where you mention "My oldest". I have now revised substantially upward.
I do recognize my kids are "above average" good. My wife has been bred from a line of rule followers (the 4yo freaking cleans his room sometimes) so maybe I'm being a little unrealistic.
I suspect as they get older, though, I'm going to have to deal with a surge of rebellion and disobedience. We'll see!
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Four year old girl, she probably does do this- and it's entirely because the adults around her accommodate it. Another four year old would solve it- so would a stern auntie who makes her gambol around her skirt(or otherwise interact in a non-distracting manner) while she has an adult conversation.
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