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PaperclipPerfector  5mo ago (text post)   2599 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 30, 2024

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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Oh baby I'm a MASTER of small talk. No worries there.

What are some good ways to improve small talk?

Ask questions. Not too personal. Listen to the answers. Look engaged and reasonably happy to be there. Smile.

Conversely, expect to be asked similar questions. I can’t say I’d prepare answers, but just don’t be surprised. Keep your answers short; they want your input, not your life story.

It’s all part of a casual conversational quid-pro-quo stemming from desires to socialize.

Practice. Exposure. That’s what worked for me. It’s not a quick or easy path though.

Are there any specific talking points you default to when meeting new people? How do you handle conversations with someone who may be uninteresting, shy, or closed off?

I don't really have specific talking points, no. Just whatever has caught my interest, what we might have in common, et cetera. I guess a lot of it depends on context like if you meet someone at a job, might start by asking them job things. Most of it is figuring out what you might have in common and going from there.

Asking open ended questions (instead of yes/no questions) helps a lot.

Weather is a universal, if cliché, starting point. If it's summer, you can ask if they're doing something for their vacation. If it's December, you can ask what their plans for the holidays are. Sports, if your city has a sports team that has the attention of a large portion of the population (here it's our hockey team).

The only divisive topic that's allowed is sports because it's sort of an agreed upon topic most normal adults nowadays can still have diagreements on without significantly affecting their esteem of the other. Avoid controversy, avoid politics, even if you think the person agrees with you (they might not and just be keeping quiet about their real opinion) and others might overhear and alter their opinion of you over it. Others with either less awareness or stronger filter bubbles might still bring politics up, being unaware (or not caring) that the topic is divisive, in those case stick to uncontroversial, non-committal answers or statements.

You don't necessarily have to remember every little detail of their answers (if you can, though, great!), but try to remember a few points to reference next time you chat with them. If, for instance, the person tells you that they're going to stay at her parents over the holidays because her mother is sick, next time you see them, ask how her mother is doing. That kind of stuff.

It feels almost gross of me to write it down, because I feel like it is faking sympathy for my fellow humans, but I certainly needed to figure out how to have small talk myself, and it wasn't because I didn't care about others.

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