Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
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Notes -
If you main concern is finding someone to stay committed and married you can statistically hit a homerun if you follow the research. Household income over 200k reduces divorce stats with all other factors from around 50% (which includes people that get married multiple times and really skews the stats) to 30%, more analytical fields have an all divorce risk of 15-25% as opposed to bartenders etc which are above 50%, White and asian women have a divorce rate of only about 25%, Bachelors or higher also reduces all divorce rate to 25%. Making at least 38k more than your wife reduces divorce rates as well.
If you combine all those factors, ( I couldn't find many sites detailing the "intersectionality" of those traits and impacts on divorce, and I'm not enough of a mathematician to tease out a final %). But I've seen rates as low as 5 or 10% for college and above education, good family, high income, stable job, white/asian. Anecdotally zero of my good friends or immediate family are divorced, and none of that is for religious or cultural reasons.
Now you just need to find someone in that catagory that you like, and it won't be at a youth Catholic mixer.
168 million women 13.7% are 25 to 35 = 23 million * 40% college educated = 9.2 million. 67% white/asian =6.2 million you can take it from here with your own personal criteria, does not come from a divorced family, makes X amount, occupation, looks.
If a Catholic young adults mixer(a 'youth' mixer is for high schoolers in this context; I sincerely hope he's not going to those) has any women there at all, white teachers(k-12) and university students from stable Catholic families will probably be a comfortable plurality of them. This is pretty close to the scenario you describe.
It was stated originally as a "young catholic" mixer. Of course it isn't high schoolers and he clearly didn't mean that nor did I in "this context". Why you gotta make it weird dude?
You're also not going to meet a lot stimulating successful people at a mixer of any type, they don't need to go to them...
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I appreciate the effortpost and math.
But the divorce rate is only half the battle. High income earners with college degrees may not get divorced at a high rate, but how many of the marriages are anywhere near healthy? In my own extended family, we have zero divorces but a bakers dozen incidents of infidelity that I only learned about at the family reunions after I could start drinking with the older cousins. In my own PMC circle, I've had both male and female acquaintances confide that they're only staying married for the kids and once they're out of college a divorce is guaranteed.
Again, I don't hold any fantasy notions about finding an easy marriage. I understand they take work and evolve over time. I've actually written about this on the Motte, but if I can't find a partner who I really believe has a similar concept of commitment (let alone level) - I'm reticent to risk it.
It doesn't have to be hard. Find someone that shares your values and wants the same things, or can learn to share your values and want the same things. I'm not a big marriage guy and I don't see the difference between long term relationships and marriage except in a legal sense. LTRs are in some ways more romantic and special because you're waking up each day and choosing to be together with no penalty for leaving, although if you are married and both work and don't have kids then those penalties are low as well, except having to say you're divorced.
Having kids is the big one; I do know very unhappy people that still need to interact with their hated former spouse due to shared custody, they never get over it. But if you want marriage and kids, there is only one way to do that, find a good woman and go for it! If you make a ton more and are worried about that then protect your assets.
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Your reasons are somewhat valid but at the end of the day so what? You are a man. Nobody will give you a pity trophy. If there is adversity it’s your job to overcome it.
Theme song: https://youtube.com/watch?v=TafuUDUhYmw?si=C7Ip2zUoyhUbnEkr
As someone younger, but in a worse position than the OP, I'm increasingly inclined to think that the whole thing is just ridiculous. Many players, few, few winners. Going monk-mode sounds more attractive by the day.
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