farhakhalidi.substack.com
It's an essay about the various flaws modern feminist sex positivity culture has for women, and that it's often a good idea to refrain from sex even if one isn't religious. The author is an Only Fans model for context. I thought it did a great job laying out the downsides of ubiquitous sex.(Reposted because I accidentally linked to reddit instead of the original essay earlier).
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Notes -
Not much to elaborate. Clueless, nervous, uncommunicative. Unable to initiate conversation,monosyllabic in response, zero cross gender social skills. They never give any indication to any man that they are interested (if they are capable of having any form of interest generated in the first place), cannot parse flirtation or conversation, collapse into shrinking incoherence when the penny drops. These girls would in kinder days be matchmade by the church or their parents, and the normal pattern for them is to be pushed into dating whichever clueless male cell group member is in their church by their friends. Without a church, these women disappear into kdramas and trashy webnovels.
That or the adjacent 'acts like a brat in a romance novel constantly and has no idea that there's supposed to be elements of push & pull instead of 120% push and sobbing about how a guy she actually liked no longer wants to talk to her'
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If someone finds them a match and pushes things forward, do you have any sense of whether they do alright at marriage?
As long as the man is bullyable, yea the women do ok. Good church boys normally don't cause problems, and for sinics if the families/church are broking the marriage there is normally sufficient social pressure to keep boundaries adhered to. Sufficient escape valves for acceptable degeneracy (kdramas and trashy webnovels for women, dota2 and porn and drinking for men) exist to prevent overloading of resentment. The western relationship model of emotional fulfilment combined with unlimited deep diving into unconstrained (meaning not bound by externally referrable social norms) soul searching means an eternal quest for 'IS THIS WHAT I REALLY WANT' pervades western thought, much to the detriment of all parties. I will also posit that the western focus on sex and sexual fulfilment as a specific objective of relationships has also done severe damage to womens psyche, and this is the main difference between western soap operas and kdramas: the focus on sex is aesthetic instead of functional for Asians media. Sex being an assessable criteria unto itself is probably one huge reason for female unfulfilment, with the presumption that 'enjoying sex via steamy orgasm with your partner' is of paramount importance: if you want an orgasm just get a dildo. Sex with assholes is just inefficient masturbation.
Regarding whether these 'arranged' marriages work out, the constraining variable is always whether the man is inclined to cheat or beat up the woman if she strays from his own expectations, however ill articulated he communicates expectations may be to the woman or even from the man to himself. If the man has surplus resources cheating becomes accounted as inventory shrink, only reaching intolerable levels when ones own progeny are negatively impacted. This is not to say that cheating is an inevitability, only that it is the most visible form of discord in these 'arranged' marriages. Most sinic cultures have legal recourse for wife beating, so only the Indians get away with it in these parts of Southeast Asia. Malayan women tend to hit back as hard as the men, and theu have even lower expectations for ANYTHING of their men: if he's not in jail its good enough.
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You really must write a longer higher level effort post about this. East Asian dating norms failure is something many people including me would be very interested. Not the least because I also dated an Asian girl for a while a long time ago and still can’t comprehend what the fuck she was trying to do.
I think @2rafa and @Gaashk would abuse mod powers to find me and slap me silly if I ever did that. I hold little Asian solidarity but they may hold gender solidarity even within this rare community.
pls no bully i scared
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Now I'm getting flashbacks to a Korean classmate in high school, a lonnng time ago.
A mutual female friend (Taiwanese, but raised locally) asked me senior year whether I would be up for taking said classmate to the prom.
I said "Thank you, but I wasn't planning on going." I can only imagine what the ensuing vast, hours-long conversational chasm would have been like. I couldn't even say for certain whether the two of us actually ever talked to each other in school.
Did you realize only years later that this girl liked you? I guess asking you to prom is less obtuse than the norm, but I've had 'have you watched (scifi movie I liked) yet? i wanted to watch with (asian girl) but I watched it with my boyfriend already' said in conversation and the like 6 years later I realize I was supposed to ask (asian girl) out. Bitch, what the fuck.
My read at the time was that Mutual Friend was attempting to arrange for Other Girl to "go to the prom", and was trying to find someone to fill a critical slot in the plan. I've had no reason to re-evaluate that.
If it had been Mutual Friend asking for herself, I might have said yes. We had known each other for years at school, and hours upon hours in the same school bus by that point. But any theoretical indulgence for our shared history did not extend to Other Girl.
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