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PaperclipPerfector  9mo ago (text post)   3539 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for February 16, 2024

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Since my little story got wiped out by the reset I'm posting it here for posterity:

Theme:

IN tombs of gold and lapis lazuli

Bodies of holy men and women exude

Miraculous oil, odour of violet.

But under heavy loads of trampled clay

Lie bodies of the vampires full of blood;

Their shrouds are bloody and their lips are wet.

- Oil and Blood, W. B. Yeats

Variation I:

Two academic antiquarians Ariel (male) and Belinda had recently started a collaboration researching the origins of supernatural myths and the objects associated with them in the distant land of Saagara. After much discussion their plans to visit it and chronicle this history was finally coming to fruition and they had just landed at the airport.

Saagara was at a middling level of development, it was one of the poorer regions of the country but the people there were spiritual and highly prioritized learning, to the point that it’s principal economy relied on a large tourism industry of those seeking guidance who would come to Saagara to listen to the words of wise men. The cuisine was also disproportionately plant based and demurred from using meat or other animal products. It was not for no reason that the area was known throughout the country as the “land of Sage and Onion”.

Despite the highly pacifistic way of life espoused by the locals they did have certain fatalistic myths. One myth with a particularly high penetration that seemed to Ariel as being the most fruitful avenue of research was that of a supernatural monster which haunted an abandoned estate far in the mountainous north of Saagara. The myth wasn’t even that ancient; it’s origins could quite reliably be traced to a mere three centuries ago (or as the locals counted time, 30 decades).

The story went that the mansion had been built over a system of natural underground tunnels by a rich lord for his family. Things were fine until a few years later when suddenly one night the lord was found murdered with large gashes across his neck and while the rest of his family were shaking and cowering traumatized around him. The poor victim was also completely pale, as if his life force and essence had been completely drained (belief in such a life force was a common superstition in Saagara).

After being tended to at the local hospital each and every one of the family members refused under any conditions to return to the house and spoke in terrified tones of a black robed demon, which they claimed was an avatar for the spirit of an ancient monk who had been spurned by his contemporaries for his heterodox beliefs. None of the family members ever fully recovered and upon seeing this the community held a ceremony where all the wisest men collectively performed a ritual to permanently seal the mansion and contain the evil which lay within.

Having a specific place associated to a myth was a unique opportunity for Ariel and Belinda to do a thorough historiographic analysis since normally these sorts of myths did not zoom down to a location anywhere near as close to a single estate. Although they had been strongly warned against it by every single local they mentioned their plans to, since the road quality of the area wasn’t suitable for cars and the nearest town was an hour’s walk away they had decided to spend their nights inside the abandoned house while they conducted their investigations. Belinda remarked that the building was remarkably well preserved for its age, save for the expected decay caused by time and the evidence of opportunistic looting. Certainly the pair would be able to make themselves quite comfortable in this centuries old dwelling.

The first night passed without issue. Ariel and Belinda spent the evening meticulously cataloging and classifying the objects present in the house. Even though the looters had long since taken away anything that may have been valuable, it was still possible to learn a lot of things about the lifestyle of the original inhabitants all those centuries ago. What they could not find was any evidence of the supernatural demon and the horror he was supposed to have inflicted. “Pretty par for the course for your average myth” Belinda nonchalantly observed.

The next day in the course of his work Ariel stumbled upon the entrance to the underground cavern system. He wasn’t sure what it was at first but here at last was some evidence the myth was based upon something real. The pair decided to explore the caves later in the evening after their work for the day was done. “Surprisingly cold down here”, Ariel observed when they climbed down the entrance, “Of course you would expect it to be cooler, but the temperature differential compared to above ground really hits you doesn’t it”. The system was significantly bigger than either of them had expected and eventually they came upon a very large, deep hole in the ground.

“Wow this is deep”, Belinda exclaimed, shining her torch into the hole since even with the torch light it was not possible to see the bottom, “I wonder what the depth is, and how this was created, the edges look too regular to be natural”. "Wait, let me help", said Ariel as threw a large rock into the cavity. It fell and fell and fell; Ariel even raised an eyebrow at how long it was taking to reach the ground. Finally it hit the bottom, but instead of the expected dull thud there was a clear ringing sound, the rock had unmistakably hit something metal at the bottom of the hole. “I don’t like this place, It’s too cold here” Belinda shuddered as the echoes of the ringing reverberated around the cave, “lets go back up to the house”. Ariel agreed.

It was as if the atmosphere had suddenly changed. Everything just seemed more … agitated. For some reason both Ariel and Belinda were significantly more irritable after they came back up from the caves. Indeed there now seemed to be a very slight metallic yet organic smell and taste in the air, just on the edge of detectability and yet so faint that neither of them wanted to bring it up as they couldn’t fully tell if weren’t just hallucinating it. It was as if the house had suddenly turned more eerie, objects which in the day seemed mundane and functional now took on a more menacing quality, one they did not seem to carry even the previous night.

In this perturbed state the pair decided to call it a day. However neither of them were able to go to sleep and soon Ariel heard the creaking of wood on the ground floor. “That sounded like footsteps” he said, “perhaps a trespasser looking for valuables to steal or something, lets go and check”. Arming themselves with pepper spray they slowly climbed down the stairs. A warm yellow glow could be seen coming from one of the rooms. “That’s odd,” remarked Belinda, “I thought you blew out all the candles”. “Indeed I did...” replied Ariel, his speech trailing off. The pair walked over and turned to see what was happening inside the lit room.

Immediately upon looking into the room both of them froze in shock at the sight of what was before them, the colour drained away from their faces and their hearts skipped a beat. Eventually Belinda was able to break out of the lock and pulling away Ariel both of them dashed for the front door running as fast as their legs would carry them. Neither of them cared about their work or belongings left in the house, all that mattered to them at this moment dressed in their sleeping gowns was to get as far away from that cursed place as possible.

A soft, calm muttering could be heard emanating from the house which lingered over its gardens and beyond: “Ōṁ ah ah ah”, “Ōṁ ah ah ah”, “Ōṁ ah ah ah”...

What's this supposed to be, an allegory for CO poisoning? I have no idea what you're getting at.

Understandable, have a nice day!

(How many kids did it take? Was the short term rental worth it? Did you have to lose your deposit because of the stains?)

Ah, it was me celebrating being unbanned after a month. Given how few people made the connection I think I was way too obtuse with it.

EDIT: But yes, I see how it could be interpreted as Carbon Monoxide poisoning. The idea never even entered into my head when I was writing it.

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