The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Interesting. I'm in a similar situation, although my concerns lie less in the casual sex (although that's a factor) and more in the frustration with certain character quirks and worries over whether she's the right person, whether we'll be happy, etc etc.
It's difficult because I could've written this part:
Then again, in my darker moments I worry that we don't have much fun together, but a lot of that is probably on my curmudgeonly self. Meh. Committing to a lifelong partner, even one who seems perfect for you, is difficult as hell if you have anxiety and tend to neuroticism or over thinking. Just my two cents.
In my case we've also lived together for a couple of years, and that adds a whole 'nother level of complication. But that's another story.
You never step in the same river twice. This is the problem with the modern view of Marriage as Achievement, where you both have your careers figured out and have your adventures and marriage is the last thing on the checklist. Marriage is about growth, together. I've been with my wife for twelve years, not married all of that time. Our relationship today isn't the relationship it was when we were in undergrad, or when we were in law school, and five years from now it will be different again, and thirty years from now it may be unrecognizable (I certainly will be, I'm sure).
Impermanence doesn't mean you can't commit to anything. It means that when you commit, you commit to flexibility. The marriage you have today won't be your marriage in ten or twenty years. Your marriage will be something new and different by then, you have to learn to change and grow with it, together.
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I mean it depends. The point of marriages staying together is for the kids usually, and the stats are quite clear that divorce is terrible for children.
Now unhappy marriage vs divorce is more questionable, but I’d say divorce is still worse in many cases. For the kids that is.
Touché.
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