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PaperclipPerfector  10mo ago (text post)   2045 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for January 17, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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How do you get people to turn up? Back when I could bring myself to bother with Hinge, I'd follow all of this, get the date set up, and with a horrific inevitability she'd cancel the day of the date. Then I'd ask to re-schedule, she'd say yes, then bail on the day of the re-scheduled date. Was, rinse, repeat until I get the message and stop talking to her. This happened with 95% reliability on Hinge. The last two times I got tinder dates, I got stood up both times, so I perma-deleted everything I could on there. I no longer have any trust in matches and haven't been able to bring myself to message anyone in months. I just look at the profile, see the inevitable outcome, and skip to the end where I don't go on a date. It's as if asking someone out on Hinge is some sort of disappointment to them "Gee, I really liked this guy I was talking to on this dating app, everything was going so well, I was really into him, until he asked me on a date, ugh, who does that?"

So I dispute 12.

It’s interesting because this happened once to me and it was a girl with a Snapchat in her bio. I pretty religiously avoided girls with some sort of social media (eg a instagram) in their bios since I expected they were just hunting for followers, so maybe that’s the difference?

The being stood up part or the Infinite Rescheduling part? If either only ever happened once to you, then I'm even sadder now than I was before.

If you’re sad for your general misfortune I wholeheartedly agree.

If you think this meaningfully reflects your attractiveness to women (or, alternatively, the attractiveness of your profile to women), then I disagree.

I don’t the girls thinking “he’s attractive enough to message and give my number too, but I’m not going to go on a date him” is really a thing.

For reference I’ve gone from a bad profile (iirc 1-2 matches a week? to a decent one (maybe a dozen?), so I feel like I have a decent amount of experience on both sides.

IMO if a girl is flaking I think by far the mostly likely reason is she isn’t on the app to find dates.

So no one is on the app to find dates, then? I don't think you comprehend the level of flaking I've experienced.

Back when I used Tinder in the Midwest probably half of profiles had a Snapchat or Instagram link in their profile. If you’re in a big city I’d guess it’s higher than that (if you’re trying to be an influencer or sex worker you’d presumably target bigger cities, even if you didn’t actually live there).

Alternatively maybe you’re trying an approach women don’t like — trying to be too sexually overt, not showing commitment by using short messages, etc.

But I maintain that, since I didn’t have this issue with a bad profile or with a good profile, I don’t think this says much about how attractive women find you.

No, I am not sexually suggestive, and no I do not write short messages.

Yeah I’d say probably 7/8 in 10 women on tinder have no intention of ever meeting someone on the app in real life.

I'd guess, more realistically, it's that the types of women who primarily use the app for attention have a lower bar in attractiveness for men to whom they respond, compared to the types of women who primarily use the app for actual dates. And you, like many of us, are in that range between the 2 bars. It's not that there's something about you or your behavior that's causing the women to flake, it's that the women who respond to your messages are primarily from the pool the women who know beforehand that they'll almost certainly not actually see you in person.

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