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Wellness Wednesday for January 17, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Beyond the basics its hard to give advice on gaming dating platforms, especially since I haven't used one in almost a decade. I used dating apps for 3 or 4 years, and ultimately I met my wife in person (and snubbed a potential online match to go hangout with my now wife on a sort of first date).

Dating is probably anti-intuitive in the same way that the stock market is. Once enough people figure out "this one weird trick" then it stops working because everyone else adjusts to it.

Some attempt at gaming advice:

  1. Pay-to-win. I would suggest that if you are well off you should be willing to spend money on dating apps or pay for a match-maker. Dating apps became a second full time job for me when I was using them, and that was only to achieve mediocre results of a date every other month or so. My time was more valuable than that, and I should have just shelled out some cash for better results.
  2. Keep Practicing. There is a point where researching how to win at the meta of a game will yield less results than just going and playing the game to get better. Human brains are generally designed to go and do stuff and then learn to do those things better. Cavemen didn't read treatises on how to hunt, they followed their fathers and older brothers out into the wild and hunted.
  3. Find good teammates. Learn from others. Have friends that are single and looking. Have friends that are no longer single. Having photos with friends is a good sign because having friends is a good thing.
  4. The pros do things for a reason. Don't just signal the nice things, remember to be the nice things. Being attractive is a sign of many things that one would want in a mate: personal hygiene, social awareness (fashion/clothes to make you look good), and personal health. Similar with having friends, or having money, or being happy.