The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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I will add some counterbalance and say that the way she feels should be irrelevant to your decisionmaking beyond the possibility of you wanting to get back with her and her feeling bad reducing the chances of this happening.
In the west where "individualism" is the name of the day you have to focus on maximising the outcomes for yourself given your environment because sure as hell nobody else is going to be out there looking for you. I don't think it's possible for anyone to tell just from your post that what you did was not optimal in expectation (it might have been, it might not have been, random strangers over the internet don't have the info needed to make that calculation, only you and perhaps those other people close to you do).
Now you may well have fucked up here, but the reason for that would be that you threw away something good and now can't find anything on the same level, not because "you wasted her years"; she is a human being with the same level of agency as you, if she felt it wasn't working she should have pushed for marriage earlier or broken it off herself when she thought it wasn't going the way she wanted her life to go. Under the standard modern western mentality her failures and suffering are on her, not on you, you have nothing to answer for.
I wish you good luck in the future and hope you are able to meet someone even more amazing who you are sure is the woman you wish to spend the rest of your life with.
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